“Who? White? Oh yeah, you’re looking for Emzo, we’ll go get her.”

Well, its been awhile but life here certainly hasn’t change much from its normal craziness. To start, my computer died about 2 months ago and lets just say I realized how very dependent I had become on that little electronic piece of brilliance. I had extremely little form of entertainment in my little hut and no way of getting work done in my village at all…needless to say, I missed it very much! BUT I am no longer electronically impaired, laptop is back and I’m having way too much fun with it being back…now I just need to get myself some electricity and I could really have a party!

OK, so as usual my life has been pretty busy and crazy, yet kinda boring. I don’t even know where to begin. Sorry if I skip around a bit, my brain just doesn’t seem to work the same these days…and mostly, its just how I think and I get a little too lazy to go back and edit things. True story! So…I’m trying to remember what has happened in the last 2 months or so and the first thing that comes to mind, is not the first thing that happened but it was pretty hectic in my life at the time…that would be my lovely experience with bed bugs! Yep, bed bugs…not just in American Hotels anymore…its gone global! So, long story short I was itching for about 2 weeks and the really sad part about that is that I WAS ITCHING FOR TWO WEEKS AND DIDN’T EVEN THINK ANYTHING OF IT…that’s how low my standards of living have become and how I don’t even notice stuff unless its so constant and unforgiving that it goes for weeks (and apparently longer than 2). Wow! I amazed myself with that one when I looked back and reflected on that. I had many conversations with my friends here and I would say, “Oh I’ve been itching like all the time for awhile..you think its like dry skin or the change in the weather or something?” My friends than saying, “well, how long as this gone on?” Me: “ummm…two or 3 weeks!” my friends gave long pauses, then laughed and then typically said, “what is wrong with you?? 2 weeks? You’re only questioning now? Yeah, that’s weird…not good!” sad, but true! I feel a little like I need a constant chaperon at this point in my life. So, I STILL waited a few more days and then really realized that most of my intense itching was at night, a few hours after I would go to bed. I kept looking at my bed and sheets trying to see if anything was there. Nothing, but the next day, I found two little bed bugs on my mattress (cause yeah, not that you’ll be surprised but when I say ‘mattress’ I mean a thin foam pad that god only know where it has been)…so not happy. I cried! I had that immediate response of oh my gosh, Im going to have to treat it like lice or something and how on earth do you wash everything you own and fumigate your house when you have no yard and only wash with water and buckets (which my village has had no water for a week at that point)…big tears! Giant tears! So not happy in life at that moment…so I did was all responsible and independent 24 year olds do…I called my mommy in the middle of the night, her night and freaked out!

She researched it for me and ensured me it wasn’t like lice but I was suppose to take everything I own outside to let the sun and heat kill the bugs cause apparently these creepy little suckers are going to outlive us all, like little cockroaches or something and that’s the only real way to kill them. So gross! I then called PC medical and no joke, this has never happened or at least hasn’t happened to any PCV’s in the last 4 years since this doctor has been with PC…cause he had no clue what bed bugs were or how to treat it or what I do…really…Im starting to feel like I just have “exception” tattooed on my forehead for most occasions in my life…not to sound like the victim or anything but really…come on…can’t at least one other person have to go through these things with me! I mean, for the love…
Anyways, so after many phone calls and many freak outs I fumigated my house by myself which was requested of me ( I won’t get in to that, I might get in trouble) so, I suited up! I put on my tennis shoes, long pants, long sleeved shirt, scarf around my face, baseball hat, and latex gloves on my hands in the 90 degree weather…I looked like an uncoordinated 3 year old that dressed myself trying to hold up a 7/11. It was interesting. So I was told to use doom to kill these things which I really don’t think was ever going to work but that what I was told so I did it cause I didn’t know what else to do...and I sprayed my house down fully! It was awful and reeked for doom. So after airing the house out all day, I personally couldn’t smell the doom anymore. I thought it was gone, I was wrong! I guess I just got used to the smell because I then within 2 days got a mild case of toxin poisoning! Horrible soar through, insanely dizzy, clumsy, disoriented, etc… not fun let me tell you. So after airing all my stuff out again and for 2 days….I then felt fine after a few more days. So, yeah…that was an awesome experience! I have a new appreciation for professionals that fumigate placed and washing machines and being home because then I could have called someone professional to do it for me!

Well, as far as work goes, its going pretty well. I had many up’s and down’s with the social worker and whether or not the second meal would ever get turned in AGAIN after all the hoop jumping that has been thrown at me for the last 8 months. I started this project in Sep 2009. Its been 13 months since we started this and really this could have been done 8 months ago but no one that was suppose to work ever got up and did it. Its been an extremely frustrating process and in total honesty that might make me look bad, I had hit a point several months ago where I just didn’t care anymore if it happened. Eventually you hit a wall and feel like you’ve done all you can, you’re still doing all you can, but if no one else cares, then why should you? This project is suppose to help the children and help the right people see how important this all is and how vital it is…but that didn’t seem to be working. It was all turning into me stressing, me freaking out, me crying, me being insanely frustrated and worried to the point where I just didn’t care. It wasn’t worth it to me anymore, or I guess I shouldn’t say that cause that’s not true, but I got to a place where I just couldn’t see the point anymore. I couldn’t see why I was doing this anymore…it didn’t make sense anymore! However, I continued to not know why I was doing whatever I was doing, but I did everything I could and all the parts I could do but at the end of the day the last part was the social worker. He had to personally write the last letter. I couldn’t do it for him and decided that I wouldn’t even try because that’s not why I’m here. I’m not here to do a job that someone in Botswana can rightfully do…I came to help make connections and help people to help themselves…not do it for them.

So, after two months of the social worker telling me that we needed to edit my last proposal and then it was all done we finally were able to meet for this edit. I was ready to get this done, but like I’ve stated was still a bit like, “whatever!” We got together and I cannot stress enough…2 MONTHS OF HIM SAYING WE HAVE TO EDIT AND THAT’S THE LAST PART…2 MONTHS OF TRYING TO MAKE THIS WORK TO GET IT TOGETHER…2 MONTHS… so we edited it and again…2 months went by for this “crucial” edit that held up everything….we waited 2 months….for…wait for it….1 WORD! Yep! That’s right. I was speechless. We changed one word. All of that for one word. We changed the one word and I was waiting for the rest of his critiques and he goes, “ok, great, we’re done. That’s all that needed to be changed.” I looked at him and laughed and said, “you have to be kidding me!” and then continued to laugh like a psych patient. I really think I went a little mental just than. It was unreal!...BUT its turned in now. We did everything the Social Welfare asked us to do…did the entire evaluation and home visits over again, plus new houses, wrote new reports, MADE EDITS TO OLD ONES, and more…so we’ll find out. I have 8 more months here…just enough time for round 3 if they choose!

The grant is going well. I few frustrating moments of trying to get last minute transport for people and trying to work around the schedules of at least 11 different teachers from 3 separate schools and villages ( I’m learning that’s going to be a hard part), trying to get people motivated to work when in reality, I haven’t been motivated to work much these days. I don’t know if I’m burned out or becoming mentally checked out a bit since I’m on the downward slope or just too frustrated and stressed or something else or probably all of the above… Anyways, so we have done orientation to the two new schools and villages for the grant so that those teachers could be informed and have all the info they needed to start their own PACT Club since that is where the grant is suppose to be as of right now. As of now, we are technically one time with what we proposed and where we said we’d be by October, yet I feel behind. I feel like its not going as smoothly as it should be or I hoped it would be…but I’m hoping it gets better.
So, myself and one of the PACT teachers, who is the Standard 7 teacher went to Sesung and Mantshwabisi, the other two schools to orientate the teachers. I found free transport through the government of Bots, one week from the Ministry of Education and the other week from the District AIDS Coordinator…which is a big help grant money wise…so that was good. Myself and the teacher took 2 PACT member kids to Mantshwabisi and then 6 different PACT member kids to Sesung to speak with the teachers and help us with the orientation. It was very cool. The entire club the night before both events made posters for the kids that went to go to use to answer questions to tell the teachers. The PACT kids started out orientations by standing in front of teachers they had never met in a school and village they had never been too and confidently telling them, what PACT is, why its important, what pupils do in PACT, what they like about, why its different from classroom teaching, topics they learn about, etc…the kids were shy of course. We took kids form Standard 5-7 (they volunteered to go) which is about 11-14 years old. So, these are little kids that stood up in front of new and unknown authority figures and told them what they need to do to help their pupils learn about HIV/AIDS. I had two proud mama moments and the kids were mostly just excited because they go to leave the village. Haha They did a good job! They tried hard and worked hard and getting to see new things and the difference they can make…and those last two things were my biggest goals for these kids for my 2 years here. Sesung told me they have already formed their new PACT Club and the other school has gone a little MIA which makes me nervous but it’ll be ok.

I had a new experience with these excursions to the other villages and getting transport. I’ve been living firsthand the notion of “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.” Literally living it in a way and its fascinating. So, before this grant, hell, the entire reason I applied for this grant is because no one would help me with the PACT Club, no one would give me transport, no one would come to the village, no one would do anything for me cause I had no money and was asking for ppl to help me just because my kids are impoverished and live in the middle of nowhere and I’m the volunteer and is suppose to help. I asked for funding from some and was told, “PACT Clubs should fund themselves.” Most of the time no one would return my calls or answer my texts/sms’s. My point is no one would help or contribute in any way. We were just another little youth group with nothing to our names and were asking for hand outs…well, now we have something to our name. Now we have money to fund ourselves and a sponsor that will help us…and suddenly everyone that turned me down last year is knocking on my door offering to help me! Now, the same people that told me to fund myself are giving me free transport and offering me things I didn’t even know they had or was even possible. So, now that I don’t need any help, everyone is helping me because I have made a name for myself and what I’m doing. There is status to what we’re doing. I’ve been told school heads from neighboring villages and other PCV’s from other villages that Metsi is no longer just Metsi, its become, “oh Metsibotlhoko, have you heard about how well the children speak English there and the PACT Club they have.” Many people have told me this. Which is amazing, the English is all the teachers, I mean yes, obviously I speak English with the kids, but the teachers have stepped it up with English this last year so much. They’re great!

Anyways, my point, its amazing to me that in this case, now that I have money, people are giving me things for free, yet, when I had nothing everyone pushed me out their doors empty handed. Its as if because someone was willing to give me money then everyone else assumed it was a good idea too. Its all about status and knowing the right people…I got lucky and I took a risk with this grant and it paid off. I mean, we’ll see how long this will keep up, but my local mentorship through the grant with NACA a huge organization in Botswana that everyone knows is helping me…and everyone knows that…hence part of all my free things. Metsi has been put on the map a bit now, which I really didn’t think would happen until we at least got electricity, which is still nowhere in sight for the near future at all from my understanding, but people now it know. There are talking about NACA helping with me with the camp that we are suppose to put together in the next few months that we haven’t even started planning for that they want to help and bring the local news, radio stations and find a way to benchmark my grant to then make it a technique for future HIV/AIDS prevention planning for the future. I don’t know how that works exactly especially cause I know I’m not the first person to come up with this tactic…but losts of big words are being thrown at me and we’ll see what happens.

We had the Standard 7 graduation last week after they finished taking their national exams to graduate Primary School. I planned last years but the teachers did this years. It was simple but good. Just got some of the PTA, the chief of the village and some other influential ppl from the village to come and talk to the graduating kids, then the kids ate a big fancy lunch which really is what they show up for. The chief made a speech to the kids about how important school is and how I am still a young girl, cause in this culture under 30 is still not an adult but I did well in school and so I’ve gotten far and life and so on. They kids kept looking at me and waving, I don’t even know if they listened. Haha oh well. I made the home made coke can awards again for the kids because I found out the kids defiantly remembered from last year. Back in August, a few months ago, the STD 7’s had to wrote their compositions for the national exam, one compositions in Setswana and one in English. Well, the school head told me that for one of the compositions the question was, “what a paper explaining and discussing last years STD graduation ceremony at your school.” Apparently they talked about how we did have this big party and the hall was all decorated cause it was and so on. They talked about all the teachers and what they did to help but never said names or anything and then most them added in or ended their papers with, “and Emily made these big shinning silver awards for all the pupils to keep and take home.” So, needless to say my school head and I decided that if the kids care enough to remember and write it then we had to make sure I did it again. I did. The kids were excited. One of the STD 7’s came to my house right at sunset, a few hours after the ceremony ended just to thank me for the award and told me that every time she looks at she gets excited and its so pretty. It w as sweet of her to come tell me that. It makes all the metal cuts I accidentally gave myself from making those things worth it.

At the last minute one, right before the ceremony started, one of the PACT teachers informed me that all the teachers decided to have a PACT member get up and give a word of encouragement to the STD 7’s. So, since I had 10 mins til the ceremony started and no one really explained to me what I was supposed to do or organize or how it was suppose to go. I asked the kids who wanted to do it…well, every kid in PACT wanted to do it cause they knew something I didn’t know. They knew that the one kid that helped was going to be fed like the STD 7’s and get the big fancy meal. Well, I didn’t know that. So I let 15 kids help and we all wrote out little encouraging things to say to the STD 7’s and life skills lessons to remember in junior secondary school. So, I had to turn kids away but I told 15 they could help and speak. I didn’t think it was weird so many wanted to help cause they always volunteer for stuff because staying at school longer isn’t a punishment here, they have nothing to do but chores at home, so staying at school to do things for me is a sweet deal to them…wow American kids are so different. You couldn’t have paid me to stay at school longer than I had to…but I also Nintendo, so I couldn’t be bothered!
So, after getting yelled at by teachers and then going and having to explain to the kids that I was unaware of the food aspect of this deal…no one was eating cause we didn’t have enough food. The kids were surprisingly ok with it and understood. They probably just figured cause well, I’ve done this before. It’s a cultural thing, you help you get fed. I’m still not used to that, but apparently the kids have gotten used to my ignorance so they were fine about it. They all stayed and did a great job is was very sweet to see the younger ones telling the older ones not to give into peer pressure or drink or that making mistakes is ok. Very cute! Luckily, my using 15 worked out well and there was enough food so all 15 got to eat like little kings and queens that day plus the STD 7’s too. I plan on “accidentally” using more kids all the time now! Ooops! Haha

While the STD 7’s were eating their huge meals, one of the girls all of a sudden asked me to bend down and she whispered something in my ear. She didn’t want the teachers that were all standing around here to hear. I had no idea what she was saying, she said it in Setswana first so I asked her to repeat it in English and she said, “Emzo, I’m really gonna miss you!” it was really sweet. I started to tear up and then so did she. Oh, I don’t know if I’ve explained this before but my entire village calls me Emzo or Emza! Seriously. Most can’t speak English or read or write…but they scream Emzo at the top of their lungs at me every day! It started literally the second week I was ever in metsi, last june and the Deputy Head called me Emzo one day (have no idea why), then she kept doing it and then it caught on. Now the majority of the village calls me Emzo and all the kids too. Like, if you came to my village, you would think from other people that was my real name. it’s a little intense but kinda nice, I mean I can’t speak to most of my village but I like that they are comfortable with me enough to have a nickname and laugh with me. That’s a good place to be in! The kids will tell new people that come to the village that my name is Emzo and it’s a nice thing to call me. I have no idea why…If another volunteer follows me I swear she/he will think my name is Emzo! For some reason its caught on like wild fire for the last month or two. I just keep hear in it everywhere. My favorite moment is someone from the district offices came to my school to speak with me and asked the children where “Lorato” is, that my Setswana name. The kids all looked at him and went, “who? white? Oh yeah, you’re looking for Emzo, we’ll go get her!” Haha They now pick Emzo over their own language and culture. Apparently cultural change has come to Metsi. Haha

So, its now official that within my group I’m now not only the only one with no running water and electricity, but I’m now also the only one without a fridge. Yep, the other volunteer in my group got a gas fridge against all odds from the Ministry but apparently they are “out” again. I won’t get into the politics of this topic cause then I will really get in trouble…but yeah. Life is never simple around here.
The kids at school got to see their first ever helicopter up close! It was so cute and exciting to see how excited they were. There was a police helicopter one morning patrolling over Metsi, just routine or something I guess and the kids were fascinated. All of a sudden the helicopter landed for about 2 minutes in our school field. Class was in session, but every kids ran out to the field in a huge stampede and got to get so close to the helicopter. They never see anything but combi’s, little vans, and cars. The children have never seen a real plane or helicopter or anything. It was adorable and so much fun for them. It may have lasted only a few minutes but the children are still talking about it and it was weeks ago!

Also, I went to the San Dance festival with some other volunteers a few months ago. That was great. So much culture and tradition. Seeing the San people and learning about them was wonderful! The festival was two days of just pure dancing from over 20 groups throughout Botswana. It was in Ghanzi area which is way West and almost in Namibia…It was such a cool sight to see. Traditional cloths, history, dancing, telling stories. Many groups didn’t wear tops because they couldn’t afford it. It was real and not as touristy as some things around here so that was nice.

On my way home from all that travel and the festival I received an sms/text from O’neil my friend in the village that was home for the school break and she told me she was eating cat. Like cat…like house cat…like Sylvester and tweety cat. I was horrified but laughed. She said they had no other food at home so they had to eat the cat, which she claims freaked her out a lot too and it smells horrible she said but doesn’t taste too bad…in case you were wondering. I late found out that the cat was actually her neighbor’s cat from the village. Its ridiculous but it is the life style. Her and I talked about it later and it is what you have to do when you have no other options, which I get and it makes sense…but still all I could think of was my poor cat at home..I can’t imagine eating her. O’neils family wanted me to join in and eat it with them, but against the cultural norm, I had to refuse. I couldn’t do it. We have peanut butter in Bots that comes from the brand, “Black cat,” someone suggested to me that I should next time just eat the black cat PB while they eat cat so that I’m still participating. I liked that idea. We’ll see. O’neil later that week at a porcupine, which I saw when alive and was so cute O’neil told me I would never be a good bush man cause I always think what I have to eat is cute…I agree!
OH! And to cook a porcupine…you know what you do…this is gross. You have to dig a hole in the ground and put the porcupine in it then cover the whole with cow pop and light it on fire to steam and cook for 5 hours….so you know, in case any of you ever have a future desire…now you know how to do it!