Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I lost. Doesn't mean I'll stop.

I have spent 19 months fighting for the second meal program. I have spent 19 months being ignored and lied to. 19 months of “babysitting” government officials to get simple jobs, simple jobs that by job title and moral code they are required to do. 19 months being denied, rejected and told it will not happen and let it go. 19 months of people that claim to support the cause but then forget the cause is still happening. 19 months fighting alone. Inevitably I have spent the last 19 months of my life fighting for a cause that is very much real and with a solution that is real and very much possible but needing approval from people that at their own will and personal agenda’s…just can’t seem to fit this into their work day and just don’t feel like doing it... and CAN get away with that.
I’ve jump hoops, mountains and the damn Grand Canyon in more ways than once when it comes to this project. In the end I put my blood, sweat and tears into this project…literally just to be told it won’t happen numerous times with no proof. I always told everyone here that if it can’t happen that’s fine. If it really doesn’t fit a policy and that the Government has already established this to not be allowed…OK…but I need a clear answer and proof. I still have never gotten that. I certainly won’t in the time I’m here and may never…ever. Why is that you might ask…or not but I’ve decided you are asking that…
The system here comes from western culture but hasn’t been taught or learned the same as in western culture. So, it’s a system that people here work for but don’t necessarily understand or have the ingrained self initiative to follow completely. This sounds a bit mean or maybe I’m just thinking it sounds mean because in my head this explanation is MUCH more colorful, but this is ONLY ONE of the core reasons this will not happen. Simply put, if a person in power doesn’t want to do the work…then it doesn’t happen. I cannot make anyone do something they don’t want to. I cannot convince them this is important and needs to be done…apparently, cause I’ve spent 19 months trying and all I have done is piss people off and get a response of “wow, you’re very dedicated. Good job…” but nothing happens.
I received the written documentation proving we are a settlement but then the Planning Officer that was very nice to help me with this gave me the 302 page policy book for our district in Botswana to do my own research. I did. As nicely as I can say this, everything in that official government policy handbook contradicts itself. There is not clear answer or policy. I can’t fight against any of it cause then there is a policy that says something else similar but different to it so someone can come at me with that. I could sit in my house o days and just play “good cop, bad cop” and anticipate the entire debate just with myself. So, that’s a dilemma…
The only thing I had going for myself is that I was hoping the village is under 500 people. Settlements in Botswana are split up into categories depending on a few factors, but the main one people populations, which seeing as how a census is only done once every ten years that’s seems a bit odd but OK. So, according to the current policy book my village is in the Tertiary III category which is the second to lowest category, Tertiary IV is the lowest and they receive Gov assistance for those settlements because they fit the policy and are under 500 people. Here is the kicker: when the policy was made, my village was under 500 people and fit the requirements but was still not put in Tertiary IV…whereas there are still a few villages that are bigger than mine and don’t fit other parts of the category yet are receiving assistance. Hmmm…. Also, I was told more times than not while being told my village was NOT a settlement that there are only 5 main settlements in my district and they get Gov help…yet, there are several more on that list that are on the help list but don’t get help. Why? I don’t know that answer. I guess these are just a few small examples of what I’m dealing with. It doesn’t make sense. There are very few allegations that have been made that can truly be backed up with proof. Very little evidence for any case or statement that has been made. No real order and logical understanding to it. It’s a do what you like system…how do a fight a “do what you like system.” In less you’re one of the popular kids and hanging out with all the right people then you don’t get picked first and don’t get what you want.
So, as of right now. Nothing I happening. I’m stuck. How do I fight this? How do I create change in a system I personally can’t make any sense of or find a baseline in which can guide me through to what is right? I’m stuck. Haven’t given up yet. Am learning to accept this projects inevitable lack of actually being approved in my lifetime…but I’m thinking. Always thinking…kinda wish I could turn myself off sometimes. I’m stuck…but I’m still hoping…and thinking…even though in total honesty, I have absolutely no idea why I’m still attempting. A sane person would admit defeat and walk away. Find a new battle…but I guess this is going to be my Everest.

Tanzania!!!

Myself and one of the teachers from my school were invited to attend an 8 day training in Dar es salaam, Tanzania for MTV SAF Grant to learn about capacity building. I was in Tanzania from Feb 5 to 16th. It was amazing! So much fun and I learned so much. The entire 8 days of work was basically to teach us all how to essentially run an NGO…which with my current career goals was perfect for me. I learned so much. It was led by an NGO, Restless Development from the UK to train us and they were awesome. They are going to continue to give us feedback and any help we need with our projects for the next 6 months which I great to. I met my MTV supervisors as well and they are very cool and laid back people. It was great to meet the faces behind the requirements and get to know them as actual people and not just funders.
The training was 5 modules: Strategic/operational Organizational planning, Monitoring & Evaluation, Media & Marketing, Financial Management, and Resource Mobilization & Partnerships. I learned so much and it was great cause its all stuff that will really help me in Grad School so that was a big added bonus. We had one day off and we spent the day on a beautiful island near Zanzibar off the coast of Tanzania just swimming in the ocean and lying on the beach. The ocean is gorgeous there. The kind of tropical ocean where its light turquoise and then fades to blue. So pretty. Most of the other grantees had never been in the ocean or even seen the ocean before so myself and a few of the other UK facilitators spent a good amount of time at the beach and in the hotel pool teaching others how to swim.
There were 8 other organizations there from Sierra Leone, Cameroon, Ghana, South Africa, Zimbabwe, Nigeria and Rwanda. The facilitators came from different places too because Restless Development HQ is in UK but has 11 other branches in the world. So the facilitators came from UK, Sierra Leone, Tanzania, Uganda, and Zambia. It was great to meet so many people from all over. These other grantees are absolutely amazing people. They are all in their early 20’s or mid 20’s and are so passionate and motivated to bring change to their countries no matter what. Two of the guys from Sierra Leone are fight for the rights of Lesbians, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgender people in Sierra Leone where its very illegal to be any sexual orientation other then heterosexual. These guys are fighting to protect themselves and others and live free lives even though they have been threatened, beaten up, attacked, kicked out of places, etc… in Sierra Leone its so bad there that even if there is just a rumor that you might be gay or someone tells someone else, no proof at all, you can be kicked out of your home, university, job, etc… totally ostracized in your own country…yet these guys know they are right and are fighting. Its amazing!
There were other organizations just as inspirational. There are two organizations in Cameroon, 1 is fighting against child trafficking and the other is fighting for women’s rights, specifically to stop female genital Mutilation because it is still a very big practice there. There were medical students from Rwanda that are with an NGO that goes to military bases and teaches soldiers about HIV/AIDS prevention. In South Africa, it was two guys that have an NGO called Snapshot and they film documentaries all related to HIV/AIDS prevention and show them at schools and other events. In Nigeria, the Ngo is fighting for Muslim Women’s Rights and the other few from Ghana and Zim are just as amazing. Everyone is so intelligent and dedicated to their causes. It was so hopeful to see these young people that just came out of nowhere in the middle of these countries with so much strife against them and they are fighting to help everyone around them and risking their lives to do so. These are the people that keep me going. Even since I’ve been back I’ve had so many problems with the second meal and the grant and childish issues and I think of those people in Tanzania…if they can do it..i can do it. I’ve remained in touch with most of them even just in the last week. We really all became like a little family. There were only 18 of us, and like 26 or so with the facilitators and everyone got along so well and really cared about one another and how to network and help our one another’s causes. The facilitators said they have never seen a group bond so quickly together. Its was a wonderful experience.

More lessons: Camp Time

To continue on with lessons learned…the camp certainly turned out to be a few more. The teachers and myself had only two weeks to pull off the camp and to get all preparations done. Not much time at all. Things seemed to be going pretty well. The invitations to schools and teachers were all out and accounted for. We had made a budget for what we needed, gotten transport and had decided on the days we would go food shopping and get ourselves to the bank to withdraw the money needed for this event.
Things were going pretty well and depending on whom you speak to…the whole event went very well.
It started on Fri, Jan 28th and was going until Sun, Jan 30th. 8 schools total participated including mine. We had 30 youth participating, 2 out of school youth from my village and then 24 of my PACT Club members attended and were Peer Facilitators. So, overall we were in charge of about 64 youth and then when you add in the teachers from all the schools and guests from different Ministries and Organizations in Botswana… we had about 90 people in my tiny village of Metsibotlhoko.
The 7 other schools arrived on Friday afternoon where on arrival they decorated name tags for themselves (which let me just say stickers are amazing to kids here) and then just played football (soccer) and table tennis which we had two sets at the schools in storage so I took them out. Table tennis was a huge hit…kids here don’t get to play with kits or sets from a box…they make wire cars from scraps they find in the trash and make soccer balls out of many plastic bags. So, just those few things were a very big deal to them. They played for hours until dinner. Then we had a camp fire and the two other Peace Corps Volunteers that came to help me and facilitate a session each, were there for all of us to explain the magic of S’mores and all the kids got to make them. S’mores is a very American thing. I guess that makes sense…maybe…but I had no idea that no one knows. My friends in Europe don’t know either. Its American I guess… The kids were extremely excited to have chocolate and marshmallows and cookies. It was a nice surprise for them. A few of the boys from my school made the fire. Its second nature to them, they did it in total darkness and made the biggest bon fire I’ve ever seen. Kinda made me nervous but they had fun and spent the whole time telling me about how they do ancestral dances at the fire and wait for the purple smoke to come because that signifies something…not sure what exactly. They made the fire and while it was blazing, one of the boys from my school who might I add was conducting the camp fire in the pitch black night wearing sunglasses that he had found from my garbage that broke almost a year ago that he found an has kept and fixed ever since and then declared to everyone that we should all say a prayer for me. I was really confused and asked him why we were praying for me. He said they were going to pray for me that I don’t leave Metsi and that I get them more S’mores…the kids got priorities. It was sweet…kinda weird…but sweet.
I got home around 11pm after everything finished. Went to bed by 12pm and woke up at 5am to get back to school to start preparing breakfast with the teachers and sorting out all details for the day. The teachers from my school were all in charge of cooking for the event and kind of designated themselves for that which was fine with me and I appreciate there hard work on the cooking. However, the entire even from start to finish to even most of the preparations beforehand…were all done by me. It was personally very disappointing for me. The idea of this project being sustainable is slim to none and its hard to really let that sink in. I have to accept that I have done all I can and worked as hard as possible to make sure everything has been successful, which the actual grant itself is very successful. Its just that my expectations didn’t live up to reality…which that’s usually the case in life so its ok. Its sad really that when it comes down to it is in a way because of the success that things that people have lost their motivation. Ever since our school and staff has gotten so much praise for the grant and our being ranked this year 3rd out of 89 primary schools in the region people have all gotten very swollen heads and full of themselves…losing sight of what this is really all about…the kids. When there is no sight there is no work and this is just being more and more proven the more praise we get. It’s a catch 22. I want us to be successful but the culture hasn’t taught anyone how to deal with positive reinforcement so the more successful we get the more pointless it becomes as far as the teachers go. Its sad really.

Mozambique!

December was a hard. It was a trying time for me in my life and Peace Corps Service. Lots of looking into the future, looking into the past, dealing with new events, and even dealing with past events that can come to bite you later. BUT I’m good and I’ve learned even more than I thought and dealing pretty well and deal pretty well if I do say so myself…which I do!
To start with I spent most of my December break (since school is closed from November 26-January 11…yeah, gotta love the year long school system) working on/writing/stressing about my grad school applications. I applied to 3 schools only, while I have many and I mean many friends here in PC with me all applying to 10 and the law school people…20…I can’t even imagine, but with law school they do have the luxury of using a system where you basically click a button and apply to another school…not so much with grad school. Everything is unique for every school. Each essay is different and wants different things. Some schools require you mail in certain parts of your apps while other school allow you to do it online. Being in Botswana and having no ability to use internet, post office or too much airtime on my phone for that matter without leaving the village and traveling for 4 hours to get 80K…I have a whole new respect for being allowed to just email everything in! I love those schools…lucky for me…I didn’t really apply to any of those. A life lesson I learned…I’m the connoisseur of self punishment.
I’ve been working on the Grad School process since around September of last year and knew that 2/3 schools deadlines were January 15 and the other was February 15. So, I immediately started doing everything I needed to. Contacting academic and professional references, contacting my undergrad university to get transcripts mailed, starting looking at all the essay but were way too intimidated by them to start that yet, but I did start stressing about it of course so that should count as work, etc… I was thinking about it all the time and trying to get things , mailed from Botswana, getting people in the USA to mail things for me, get recommenders to mail in things, doing online applications every time I had internet whether it was in a nice restaurant with WIFI or a greasy, sketchy internet café that totally rips me off yet a deadline is a deadline so I had to do it. Things were going well and I had about 10 days til Jan 15 until I started getting emails from schools saying, “we don’t have your transcripts” or “we’re missing one of your recommendation letters.” AND to top it all off I get a notice from the school that informed me their deadline was Feb 15 that, Oh no, just kidding…we’ve moved it to Jan 18….which at that point was about 9 days away. Needless to say there were a few tears dropped in that sketchy internet café that rips me off. I had spent all my time focusing on the other 2 schools I knew were due in Jan and was going to spend Jan finishing the what I thought was Feb deadline. So I now had 9 days to write a 2 page essay on why I should be at their school, which was fine, but also a 8-12 page research paper on humanities/international affairs as well as get the app finished an make sure all necessary parts to the app were in. fun stuff!
So, I went back to my village and sat up at the outlet in the dining hall of my school for two days to somehow bang out a 10 page research paper on HIV/AIDS in Botswana. Not much of a stretch, but write about what you know right. Well, I did. I finished everything with the help of everyone around me editing my writing and being camped out for 2 days at one of my friends house who happens to have internet in her home…yeah, life is not always fair. Another lesson…but I actually really did know that one. We’ll see what happens. I applied to only 3 schools because I only really liked these 3 programs that are all some version or another of International Development and I just figured if I’m going to be broke for the rest of my life from student loans then I need to like the school I go to. If I’m spending that much money on school, then I’m not going to one I kinda want or a back up school. I’d rather wait and apply again the next year, as much as that thought makes my soul slowly die. So, no back up schools were applied to…we’ll see…
I did get a break in December though which was amazing. I went with 3 other PCV’s to Mozambique for what was suppose to be 7 days, but ended up being 10 days. It was beautiful. So wonderful there. It was such a great trip. We spent 2 days in the Capital, Maputo and then 4 more days in Tofo which is a gorgeous area about a 7 hour drive north of the capital. Mozambique is right on the ocean so we spent all of our time in Tofo just sitting on the beach, reading, walking around, eating good food an just hanging out. So relaxing which with the two major “G’s” in my life (Grad school & Grant) I really needed to relax. Maputo was amazing. So cool and lively. Real African markets and just great people and things to do. We walked all over and went to a different place to eat almost every meal. It was so great to get out of Botswana and see a new place and especially the water. Going from literally living on an Island my whole life to being land locked for 2 years…its weird! I didn’t realize how much I love the water. We had the best time and despite our last day, I still stand by the fact that it was a good trip.
On our last Day in Mozambique, we were still in Tofo and we were planning to leave on the 4am bus the next morning to start heading back to Botswana to get back in time for the Christmas Eve dinner that about 40 PCV’s were going o in gabs. Our last day was the 21st of December and all our bus tickets were set and ready for us to leave on the 22nd. It was our last afternoon and my 3 friends just wanted to sit and read all day and then we planned to go out to dinner that night in town, the small little town with a bunch of tourist stuff and restaurants that night, but I was restless and wanted to go for a walk. So, I did. We had been told by everyone, the backpackers place staff, the locals, the staff at restaurants, everyone how save this place was. It was a big tourist area and the majority of the population at all times were tourists. So, I went for a walk into town which is about a 30 minute walk on the beach and I went alone since no one else wanted to go. I went o town and walked around a little at the markets and then started to head back to the lodge we were staying at. A lot of people on the beach that I passed by and waved to since it was 2pm on the beautiful sunny day and I was about another 4 min walk back to the lodge until there was a arm around my neck from a man standing behind me. He pulled me to the ground and kept choking me while another man came running down from over a hill to take my bag and everything in it.
Its funny, you never can really understand how you might react in that situation. You can be as prepared as you want but you have to summon your knowledge of what you know or what you think you know is best to do that. You have to specifically focus your mind to react how you want to. You can’t know til your in the middle of it. So, as I was lying there on the beach with the water crashing up against me, the man kept choking me while his friend or accomplice or whatever was stealing everything I had…Ipod, camera, passport, all money, all ID’s, all bank cards, etc… I didn’t even know I had half those things in there, but apparently I did. So as his arm first went around my neck, my thoughts immediately went to a stir of crazy and disoriented thoughts. I had to literally tell my mind to shut up, which I did. Then my mind went to visuals of them killing me in different and various ways. I had to tell me mind to stop that. Then, I finally thought…”Do I fight back? Do I try?” I calmed my mind and thought assessed. One man was still choking me and had me pinned to the ground but was behind me, the other could barely make eye contact with me he seemed so ashamed and I realized I never saw a weapon. I didn’t see anything on them but I knew that didn’t mean it wasn’t possibly there. I just started to scream at them, “Take it! Take it all. Just take it.” I wanted it known that I wasn’t going to fight. I wasn’t going to be prideful or think I could win this situation in hopes that then if they were going to fight with me, maybe now they wouldn’t knowing I didn’t care about my things. The man that couldn’t make eye contact looked at me for a second or two in shock and kinda like he couldn’t understand why I was just giving it to them. Then, for me, my plan was to not fight in less they started to. I wasn’t gonna be the one to instigate anything because I felt that it was my best chance to be freed. I worried that if I fought with them then they would fight with me and we all knew in that situation that I would lose that fight.
His whole awful event only really lasted for about 20 seconds but it felt like days. I could barely breathe from being choked and just kept reciting in my head over and over how much I was hoping they wouldn’t do to me all the horrific things I was thinking. Finally, the man gathering my things got it all and ran back up the hill. The other man continued to choke me to give his the other one a head start or just for good measure or something…I don’t know. The one choking me gave me one last big squeeze on my neck and pushed me harder in to the ground and then finally ran off. I was free. I could go. They were both running up the hill. I stood up in the biggest panic attack of my life and barely breathing and ran as fast as I could back to the lodge I was staying at. I got back and one of my friends was on the beach, she had been walking alone on the other side of the lodge by herself taking pictures with her big fancy camera of the water….it could have just as easily been her. Wrong place at the wrong time I guess.
She looked at me and couldn’t tell from far away but saw me coming so she waited at the bottom of the steps. As I got closer I could see her face drop and her eyes fill with fear. She took me up stairs and ran to the front desk. Told them I was just mugged. The 3 guys at the front desk and the cook from the back all ran out and down the beach trying to go grab the guys that did this to me. Everyone around, all the other guests were buying me bottled water and cokes…they just kept coming. I think I had a sip of one maybe. My friends sat there hugging me while I was trying to catch my breath and they insisted I go take take a shower and get all the sand off me. They stayed with me while I showered cause I was too freaked out to be alone. I then spent the next 3 days just trying to get out of the country.
The owner of the lodge was very nice and took great care of me. Less than an hour after it happened I was coming back from the shower and the owner said the police who by the way aren’t allowed cars…yeah… found two guys and they think they are the guys that attacked me. I was still shaking like a leaf and had red marks on my throat and myself, one of my friends, the lodge owner and an employee to help translate Portuguese all got in his truck and drove to the police station for my “line up.” I walked in the room and there were about 7 police men just standing in the room, some cleaning and some playing with there AK 47 guns. It’s a creepy sight. They all started in the with Portuguese and I just sat there trying not to feel numb cause that’s all I was feeling…or not feeling I guess. Next thing I knew there were two men in hand cuffs literally 1 foot away from me and one on holding on to them or straining them or anything. This was my “line up.” They stood next to me and then asked if these were the men. I told everyone that I didn’t see the mens faces very well but since I have a photographic memory I could give them exact details of what the men were wearing and outlines of there face, but I obviously never looked them in the eye either. I didn’t think these guys were them from what I remembered but I did keep visualizing them choking me even with the hand cuffs. So, that was slightly traumatic. My friend was outside calling PC in Botswana and trying to get them to help us. They contacted PC Mozambique and they were great. They helped me every step of the way. I spent 2 hours in the police station in Tofo answering questions and giving them the details of what happened and what was stolen and the cost and everything. They informed me that obviously I was not going back to Bots the next day. In Mozambique you can be arrested in the country for just traveling around and not having your passport on hand and especially the visa we had to be there. So needless to say getting back to Bots or even leaving at all was not possible without a visa and passport. PC Bots allowed one of my friends to stay with me since I was pretty shaken up and had no idea what to do.
So, 2 of my friends left the next morning at 4am as was our original plan while Sonia and I stayed to deal with everything. Sonia and I left at 6am to go to the Prosecutors Office in the next town an hour away. We spent 7 hours there! All we needed was a report stamped by the High Commissioner that stated my passport was stolen to that the embassy could give me a new one in the capital in Maputo. We sat there surround by other frustrated and kinda interesting people for about 3 hours while no one would talk to us and no one did anything. Nothing! Finally they took me in the back and we spent almost 2 hours while they typed up the exact report the police from Tofo already wrote….but they typed it and made me tell the exact same thing all over again. In the middle of explaining the choking, the police officer that was translating the one typing, on the biggest old fashioned type writer I have ever seen. Seriously, no joke. This thing was the first type writer ever invented. Unreal. Anways, the man stopped me for a minute to ask me if I was single. I said yes thinking it was something they had to put on my report which the Tofo police asked me to for the report, they then giggled when I said yes, but I let it slide. This guy not only laughed, then smiled and then told me he was in love with me and we should marry. I’m pretty used to that at this point, it happens a lot but this time I couldn’t deal with the unprofessionalism and threatened to walk out and tell Obama (cause everyone thinks that people in American just know him) if he didn’t stop harassing me while I was talking about being physically assaulted. That seemed to work!
We finished and the man had the typed report. Meanwhile I could here Sonia in the lobby area o I guess more like the bare room in the front we had been in all morning and she was telling a few guys my story. I laughed. I didn’t care. One man in particular was very nice and was interested but only spoke some English. He understood the main parts but that was it. So we continued our search for the last person we needed. All we needed was the High Commissioner to stamp. We were told he wasn’t there but the Deputy could sign it. We spent the next two hours getting PC Moz on the phone to speak Portuguese to the police for us over and over to try to get this all done. Still nothing, Everyone kept saying the Commissioner wasn’t there and neither was the Deputy. After almost 7 hours we found the Deputy and he told us he couldn’t sign it, he didn’t have the authority. BUT he did point over to the nice man that spoke little English and Sonia was telling the story to and said he could do it. This man had been sitting there all day next to us. We both thought the Deputy was messing with us. We got even more annoyed and explained how we were trying to just get to Maputo so we could go home and he needed to help us. Our sob story so to speak. The deputy said, “yeah, I know. Talk to him…he’s the High Commissioner.”
Our jaws dropped to the floor! We had been talking to him all day…we had no idea. No one told us. Everyone kept lying and saying he wasn’t here. 7 HOURS!!! He smiled and signed the paper.
It was too late to get to Maputo then so we had to stay the night in that other town still about 6 hours from Maputo. We took the 4am bus out the next morning and got to the US Embassy in Maputo around 11am. We met up with the PC Moz staff and they hooked everything up. After several hours and getting stuck in traffic since it was Dec 23rd now and Christmas was getting closer and doing a bunch of paperwork and waiting. Finally about 245pm I got my new passport. As I collected it from the guy he said, “Stay out of trouble. I hope you come back to Moz despite what happened. Good luck with PC and good luck getting your visa.” What? No one said anything about another visa. I mean, yes, it makes sense, but I figured since no one mentioned it all day there was a loop hole or something. I don’t know anything about Visas and what not. Nope, everything in moz was closing at 330pm b/c of the holiday and would be closed til the 27th…I had 45 mins to get a visa or stay here til the 27th.
We called PC Moz and said, “So, visa???” all I heard on the phone was silence and then, “DAMN!” Click! 10 mins later another PC staff member pulls up and says so we all forgot you needed a visa I guess. Lets o try to fix this in 30 mins. This man was a god. He pulled some strings and he did fix it. I have no idea how. He got some people to agree to make my visa the next morning and then Sonia and I would take the overnight bus on Christmas Eve back to Johannesburg, SA and then catch the 5 hour bus ride back to Gabs, BW to get to Botswana on Christmas afternoon. BUT he did it and immigration finished my visa on Christmas Eve at about noon. Sonia and I walked around and ate more good food to then catch out bus at 7pm. Got to Joburg at 5am and arrived in gabs at 1pm. More days in Mozambique and lots of stress but it was so good to have Sonia with me she kept me calm and somewhat sane. So, quite the trip. I realized that I’m not as invincible as I once thought I was. I think we all live our lives at least a little bit thinking that the bad things won’t ever happen to you. I think people have to or else you’d live in fear all the time, but I had the first hand realization that eventually you have to take part in statistics. Its bound to happen sometime and honestly with all the international travel I do and the types I do and will do…it really was bound to happen eventually. I just hope my number is up and I don’t have to do it again, but I’ll deal if I do and I’ll learn some self defense moves in the mean time…just in case.
So, now, in January. We are busy. School started and we are having the PACT Youth Cam for the grant Jan 28-30 in my village with about 41 kids coming and 15 teachers. We’re having children and teachers form all 8 schools come that we trained at the Facilitators Workshop back in November. 8 Schools is a lot to take on but the teachers want to and all the schools called us asking to be apart of it…so ther we go. Hoping for the best! Planning like crazy now. We will have once again planned this whole thing in 2 weeks time. Insane!
After that Tanzania! Myself and one the teachers at my school is attending an 8 day training/workshop put together by the grant (SAF) and an NGO called Restless Development based in the UK about Organizational strategy, Monitoring & Evaluation and a bunch of other business stuff I don’t know about but will I guess…also, they haven’t told me what else its about. I’ll be in Tanzania from February 5-16th. I’m excited and a little nervous actually. It’s my first big, all expenses paid business trip. I feel very grown up and kinda weird. I can say already that my plan is not to be mugged on the beach in Tanzania….I’m making that my prerogative.
I have 5 more months left in Botswana. I’m so excited to come home. I found out finally from PC they will not let us come home until June 17th b/c that will make it exactly 2 full years living in my village and 26 months in Botswana Peace Corps…so I’ll be home around then. Yay!

Don't be afraid to succeed...

How do you know when enough is enough? How does one know when to stop fighting and admit defeat? Or is there another option besides defeat…such as having a change of heart or deciding it’s not worth it? BUT would those being considered settling or the reality or just being mature? I feel that in order to feel good or at least OK about stopping the fight against what you want a person needs to feel as if you are not loosing anything or missing out on something in some way. Last week NACA, the biggest NGO of HIV/AIDS Prevention in all of Bots invited 3 of my primary PACT students to attend the biggest celebration in Bots, World AIDS Day celebration and be there to answer questions and talk about PACT after having seen them a week or so ago in the Facilitators Workshop we held.. This was a HUGE honor. This is the biggest celebration in Bots hosted by the biggest NGO in Bots that had invited my little young PACT kids from tiny Metsibotlhoko to come and teach others…by the way this is the celebration every year that the President of Botswana attends!!! This was HUGE. I was over the moon, so excited a few of the teachers were saying this will make history for Metsi, Peace Corps couldn’t believe it and were thrilled for me and Metsi, The Ministry of Education were applauding us and kept saying, “Metsi is on the MAP!!!” and I just didn’t know how this happened. BUT, a few of the other teachers were refusing to let the children go. I was shocked and really upset!
The thing is, the teachers had planned months before to take all the children from Standards 4-7, about 50 children on an “Educational Tour” around gabs from Nov 29-Dec 3 to show them things like the Parliament building, the meat commission, a game park, the media complexes and other things the children have never seen…I mean, many have never been to Gabs before. I applauded the teachers for the initiative and work on making this happen. BUT with my luck, World AIDS Day is on Dec. 1st and so I and one other teacher taking 3 pupils to World AIDS Day would mean they had to miss 1 day of the Educational Tour. So, I understood the teacher’s initial hesitation, kinda, but to have half of them say NO to letting the children go, I couldn’t comprehend or agree with. I asked them why and I got some responses that didn’t make sense basically. No real reason but yet the decision was NO. I was so frustrated and irritated that these children might miss out on something amazing for childish reasons that were not valid at all.
So, my school head and I fought it for a bit and then she gave up to. So there I was, a week away from World AIDS Day, 6 days left and 1 more school day until the term ended, crying in the school heads office by myself, so confused and feeling so alone and exhausted from fighting all by myself again. I started to question…when do I give up too? Why am I fighting for this? Is it worth it? Maybe I should give up? Asking myself so many things I could even understand why I was doing this anymore…I could make no sense of it to myself anymore…but I knew it felt wrong to stop. I called my mentor at NACA who invited us and asked what was going on. My school head the day before, not known to me had already Cancelled our transport we had to go and spoken with NACA to say we weren’t coming because the teachers couldn’t agree. I was even more annoyed and upset…now I had more to fight for. I asked the women from NACA, can we still come if I fight harder and try to make it work, she was very sweet and here response was, “oh please Emily. Make it work.”
Knowing I had her support helped but still I had this feeling of if everyone around me doesn’t seem to care, then why should I? How will change ever happen if this childishness is expected and accepted? If I weren’t here this would all have been dropped with no reasons, hell, if I weren’t here no one would have even been invited. In a way I know that should make me feel proud and in a way it does, but it also scares me…cause I’m leaving in 7 months and I wouldn’t be here to fight next time…so what…then everything goes to hell? Nothing happens? All for childish reasons or laziness?
So, still in a fog and still not knowing what the “real” right thing to do was, I walked in and spoke with two of the teachers, knowing this might mess up my reputation with them and make the next 7 months not enjoyable at all…but I still went. I went in and all I said to them is, “I’m so frustrated! I don’t know what to do…we need to talk.” Which seemed to get there attention. They both stopped what they were doing and looked at me with concern which honestly, took me by surprise. We talked about it and how important I thought it was and who to not let the children go in fear they would miss going to the 2 things scheduled that day for the tour (which were the airport which is under construction so they can’t go anyway and the water utilities complex, which I found out also might not be happening) wasn’t fair to the children. World AIDS Day is extremely educational. It’s all the big NGO’s and influential people in Botswana that attend this and speak about everything they do to fight for HIV/AIDS, everyone is there, the great minds, the fighters, the supporters, etc… all in the biggest celebration to hit their country…yet that wasn’t good enough to skip the water utilities? Even as I was talking I was thinking what am I doing? I shouldn’t have to explain why this is a great opportunity, people should be jumping for joy. The thing is they were but apparently on the inside.
The two teachers I was speaking with in the office right then and giving my speech to, I quickly realized, they are not the half that said NO. They fully agreed the pupils should go. They think its amazing, they kept saying how this was history making for Metsi and for the children to get to see the President speak in person and be a part of this, for Metsi to be invited…it’s all life changing. So, then my thought was, why are we not going then? I asked them and they didn’t really have answers, more of “excuses” to cover up for others. That’s where the personal childishness with some, not all, but a few come in. However, those teachers agreed that enough is enough and the pupils need to go. They agreed the reasons weren’t good enough and World AIDS Day was too important to pass up. They explained to me they would speak with the other teachers but we should consider it done and going because there just weren’t good enough reasons not too. I was excited. We had a good talk too about how I hope they didn’t feel I was pushing or trying to mess up a trip they worked on they told me about how much change has come to Metsi and how it’s because of me and many other nice things. I felt so much better, yet still a little weird for some reason. I think cause it still wasn’t 100% settled and I was happy they appreciate me but knew at least one other did not and that this would only make that worse. It’s a “weird” feeling. In preparation of hopefully getting fully approved, I know had to try to get our transport back and see if we even could get there in case they all said yes. I started my string of phone calls and got many, I’ll call you later responses making me a little nervous. Several days of myself and the Deputy School head, who was amazing during this time and was on it, trying to get ppl to call us back and make things happen. She was getting nervous and jumpy just like I always am. It was funny to see her all stressed out and panicking that no one else was doing anything… I said, “welcome to my life.” She kinda laughed. I think she got it a little. The teachers all tell me to stop stressing all the time, I feel like in that tiny moment, she got it. I found out later in the day that the two teachers spoke with the others and they all agreed the children should go and we should be part of World AIDS Day…which was great news, but now we had to find a way to get there.
In the mean time I got a call from a friend of mine that works in the District Offices, the ones where I go all the time because they are all the people in charge of everything that has to do with my village to find out that there are rumors about me that I’m using the grant money for my own personal use. She said that one of her co-workers over heard a few people having a conversation about me and how I’m using the grant money to buy things for myself…which couldn’t be farther from the truth of course. I’ve actually lost money on this grant because I use my own PC allowance to sun earns and buy airtime that I use all the time to call people for the grant activities. I was so sad and angry and hesitant and confused and pissed off…basically any emotion you can think of, I hit within the next 5 hours or so. My friend has no idea who was talking about me or where they heard that because her co-worker saw how upset she got when she was breaking the news about me to her that she shut up and left and won’t tell her.
I was so hurt that after everything I’ve done and how unbelievably hard I’ve worked on all of this and out my blood, sweat, tears and all my sanity into this, people were trash talking me and trying to belittle my success. Its so unfair how people can make you feel doubtful about what you’ve accomplished and how much you’ve done…then after a good long rant to a friend on the phone and trying to rationalize life out, I realized…people can’t actually do that! So, then the anger phase kicked in and I found myself saying out loud to myself in my little hut while making dinner, “Screw you people!” A LOT! I also may have used a few other non lady like expletives, but I’ll spare you the details. Its been a few days and I’ve calmed down a bit, I still feel a bit “weird.” A bit annoyed and a bit upset and sad that people can’t just let things go and be happy that a tiny village is succeeding and making a name for itself. It also is just really disappointing and really feels not good that while I can move on and let it go cause I know I’ll never find out who it was or why or how many people it may be, I’m a little guarded now. I’m questioning a little who I can trust, who I should trust, who I should be telling things too…It really sucks to have to feel like I need to have a small guard up, but at least for right now, I do feel like I do. Also, it’s a bit lonely…its lonely at the top…I’m starting to understand that phrase on a personal level. I mean, I still have great people and I’m not really alone but I do feel like I have to be careful of who I share my happiness about this project with or I find myself doubting occasionally if when people tell me I’m doing great ad how impressed they are if really behind my back they are telling everyone I’m buying myself pretty toys with the money I have. I figure with time it will get better and I’ll be better at ignoring it, but since its fresh still, its weird and a little hard on me. Success brings followers I guess and not always ones that you want. I mean, I get it a bit. A tiny village no one in Gabs even knows about is being invited to teach others at an event where the President is and where the children will get to hear the President speak. It’s a big deal. I’m proud of my kids, they have earned this, hell, I have earned this to know that I helped get those kids there. Success is good, but a tough road too! However, trying to look at the glass half full, it is kinda cool that I’m successful enough that people think I’m important enough to trash talk about. So, there is a tiny and petty part of me that just feels like, “Bring it!!!” OR the classic and crass response that I’m pretty sure it was my sister that taught me in Middle School…”Bite me!” haha! Oh Coco, the good old days!
Its all new to me, I say that a lot, I really need to stop saying that cause really everything is brand new territory for me here. I’m actually pretty grateful in a way about that. I have changed so much and grown so much. I can see it the people around me can see it and have told me and I think who I’m changing to be. Not like I felt I needed huge change or anything and not to sound cocky like I knew I didn’t but I’ve changed in stronger ways which I really like. I fight for everything and as intimidating as this new success feeling and aspect of my life is right now, I like the risks I’ve taken to get there and I know its worth it and will be worth it, part of it just are not fun…but I can deal with that. I believe in all of this so I know I have to just keep pushing through it and make it work…don’t know how but I will figure it out.
Peace Corps supervisors came to my village a few days ago to do a Site Visit, which they do once a year to check in, see the volunteers progress, speak with the people they work with and see if the PCV is working and on task…which since we are volunteers, technically that is up to us. They always tell us to “own our service” some do and some don’t. Its just an individual thing. My supervisors spoke with the Deputy Head and Guidance Teacher from my school and they were so sweet. They said very wonderful things about me and how much Life Skills I’m doing and they notice the change that has happened which is great to know that they have noticed it. My Deputy Head said the coolest thing though which I almost cried over. My supervisor asked them many questions but one of the questions they asked was, “since this whole experience is a cross cultural give and take, what has Emily taught you about American culture and what have you learned from her?” My Deputy Head responded, “She has taught me we are just the same! We laugh at the same things and get along so well. Her being American is the same as me being Batwana. She is just a nice girl. Always smiling and listening and always cares about what is important to us…her being American, there is no difference. She smiles a lot! We are exactly the same. She is a sweet girl that treats us all like we are her. We are all exactly the same. Botswana and America are the same in people.” I seriously almost cried and so did one of my supervisors. I love that she thinks we’re just the same and that she says we are just the same. I love that me being white or American which here means rich and perfect…she knows that’s not me. I can’t say how much I love that she thinks we are the same…cause we are! Also, PC told me later that since I’m doing such a good job and have brought Life Skills here they will more than likely replace me…which I’m so glad about. There is so much more that could be done in this village with a bit more help. The teachers asked PC to replace me and PC told me they are seriously considering it and don’t see why it wouldn’t work! Awesome!
Anyways, so enough talking about myself, which though I do it a lot these days I really don’t like doing that much, but back to the drama and a side note: I have to say at this rate I didn’t even want to go to World AIDS Day that much anymore…I just wanted a nap! BUT I continued with the Deputy Head to make this work. It came down to several days and due to protocol, my school head was the only one that could try to communicate with transport and the DAC to get use transport for this event because she was the one that cancelled it. The one that cancelled it and in charge had to the one to take it back…I tried many times, but it was a no go. My school head however was in meetings and busy and kept telling me she’d call later and she was busy. I thought my deputy head and I might have heart attacks…we couldn’t handle that answer. We had 5 days and no transport and no promise that even when my school head does get a hold of anyone that they can even help us. I did hit a point though where I realized that in this fight I felt I did all I could and I felt I tried as hard as I could even when I felt I didn’t care anymore…so I felt that even if it didn’t work, I would be very disappointed but I knew I tried the best I could.
OH, tangent!!! So, I bumped into the Social worker about a week ago (this only adds to my frustration about life and how I will so end up being trash talked about til I leave cause I never let things go) and he informed me unofficially that no one wants to fund the Second Meal. I said, “yeah, what else is new?” We all know this and have known this, but they are now fighting back saying that my village doesn’t fall within a certain settlement policy. I kept saying to him, isn’t my village considered a settlement? He said, yeah! I said, well, they what’s the problem? I got silence. We did that a few more times until I finally asked him if really this is them just trying to find another thing so that I’ll let it go. He agreed that more than anything was the case. He then gave me this sad but content look and told me, “Emily, we need to just let it go, it won’t happen…they don’t want it to…” I gave him my look of “oh please” and said to him, “I’m sorry, have you met me? What do you think?” He laughed and we’re back on it again. I will fight til I get a valid reason that I can agree with that proves this cant happen or that the people we are trying to help are better off without it. I know I must sound a bit selfish and a bit like, “my way or no way…” and well, I am saying that a little (I mean, let be honest here…I have little shame anymore) BUT really, I feel like I’m not asking an unreasonable request or requesting something they cannot do. I’m asking for help for their own people that are currently unable to help themselves with what they have, so they need a hand out for the time being of food to make sure they don’t starve and the children can succeed in school to then better themselves for their future. Sorry, it that seems to annoy some people….I mean, C’mon!
As of today, still no transport yet and its looking like now the school head has randomly decided no...so great! i dont know anymore. I've tried and I'll keep trying, but it's not looking promising...

“Some way somehow, don’t give up now, don’t be afraid to succeed. Hold your dreams, don’t ever let it go, be yourself, and let the world take notice. You’ll find strength when people bring you down, they will see, if you would only believe.”

Life's like an hour glass glued to the table...

I feel accomplished! I’m writing this now before the feeling gets challenged and I may be deflated a bit from the frustrations that more than likely will hit again and I find it harder for myself to say out loud that I have done a good thing. BUT I have accomplished few things and it feels pretty damn good! … OK, so I wrote those first few sentences 2 days ago and already I’m so exhausted the feeling has gone a bit. Still, it was a good thing and al good workshop which for the last few days all the teachers that participated, District Officials and NACA (Botswana’s biggest NGO for HIV/AIDS prevention) has been telling me how amazing the workshop was and how they want to expand it to all of Botswana. Which is flattering don’t get me wrong but I officially got about 6 hours off to “relax” and now I’m back at work…I’m a little overwhelmed. OK, but let me back track and explain the last week or so… It probably helps for you to understand why I’m already complaining so much…
So, we had our first big event for the SAF grant on Nov. 13th in my little forgotten village of Metsi! Part of our original plan for the grant was always to have a youth camp sometime in Jan. but after me suggesting us doing a Facilitators Workshop for the teachers that will be bringing their pupils from the two main schools we’re working with months ago and no one saying anything, yet then my school head 3 weeks before Nov 13th said, “hey that’s a good idea…” it was decided…that we would do this. 3 weeks was all we had to plan! I was freaking out a little cause 3 weeks is not a lot especially when you’re in Bots and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, moves at a slower pace here. So, I agreed if we do this fine, but we have to get working NOW NOW!!!! So, I immediately wrote up the letters of invitations to schools, all the district officials that my school head said we needed to invite and NACA, cause they are my local mentors and I work with them. After all the letters were written and ready to go which in a village of no electricity printers, computers…it was a large task that I even go those done yet at all. My school head called a staff meeting and said that while I was off working her and some of the teachers had been talking about the workshop and they believe that instead of just inviting the 2 schools we are mainly working with to the workshop (which the workshop was completely about teaching all about PACT and how teachers can start PACT Clubs in their schools) we should invite 7 other schools as well for a total of 9 schools and about 20 teachers!
Now, I’m not going to lie or try to fool anyone into thinking that I was calm, collected and more than welcome to this change of events because when it comes down to it its about the children and the more teachers we teach and invite the more children benefit…nope…not my response. My immediate response was, “ummmm hell no…and who do you think is gonna pay for all this…because I’m not!” Now, I kept it together enough to say that just in my head and with a few more swear words mixed in there but I did manage to get out an out loud response of, “What? Uh…No… Why?” Yep, I’m pretty classy and kind hearted, I know! So, we talked about it and I agreed that if we had the money in the budget to pull all this off and could get enough transport somehow then that was fine. I did at least attempt to make it clear that our main focus needed to be the 2 schools we were working with because that is the grant, that’s what the money is originally set for and I really didn’t want to lose focus of that cause that’s how I end up having to send an email to all my family begging them to give me money for Christmas for the rest of my life so I can pay off my debut to MTV…which personally, I don’t want to do. I like Christmas and I like presents! So, no thank you! Everyone agreed which I’ve caught on enough in this culture to know that really all they agreed to is me watching them 24/7 and having the right to say no at anytime. So, really all I did was add more stress on to myself…but it’s for the children right? I say that to myself A LOT!!!
So, now I had to write all new letters and send even more of them. After many staff meetings we decided many things about the workshop. It would be an all day event. 8am-5pm on a Sat which means we had to get approval from the Ministry of Education in Botswana because if the 20 teachers were attending a work related event on a Sat they had to be paid for their work by the Gov. We did get approval. They loved the idea so much they asked me to make the workshop a full week and event more teachers from other schools. I said no cause I could barely handle this much this fast especially since I’m learning how all this works and how to run things since I’ve never done this before. I said, we’ll see how this workshop goes and take it from there. Yes, it is true for those of you that noticed. I have in fact learned how to say “NO” when I need to…for the most part. I’m growing…or something like that! We decided which 7 other schools to invite, all in our District and none of them have ever done PACT or started on in their schools and most are very rural schools. We decided how many teachers, transport and the budget. Some teachers were going to have to sleep in our classrooms the night before the workshop because they live too far away; some schools are 200k away in 3 different directions. We certainly covered most of our district with the schools that were coming. Which now meant we had to plan and prepare dinner and breakfast for many participants and find transport. OK, so as the days went on. Letters were written, people invited, more approvals had to come and go, more people had to be notified, etc…we also had to spend a few days just calling the schools, some with no receptions so that took several days just to find out who go the invites and who was attending.
Also, in the mean time I was still working closely with the 2 main schools we’re working with and had to schedule House of Men to go do a 4-5 hour training in Mantshwabisi cause according to the grant plan that needed to happen in Nov. So, I got that scheduled after many MANY phone calls and a few moments of doing what I hate most which I pulling rank and threatening a bit at times in order to get the right people to do their jobs. BUT it was set, of course it was planned for 2 days before the workshop…go big or go home I guess. I need therapy or something. So, House of Men (HOM) was planned to train the pupils from 2pm to about 6pm. Part of our deal with them is that culturally we have to feed them. So, I had to leave the village about 6am that morning, Thursday morning to go to the nearest village and get food to then take 60k to Mantshwabisi at about 8am so they could cook it and have it ready for HOM by 1pm. I got that done. Then had to go to Letlhakeng which has the nearest printer and computer if I beg the right people to let me use their printers and computers to then type and print many things we need for the workshop. Meanwhile the teachers were going to Moleps to get the money from the bank we needed for food for the workshop and picking up one of the three Peace Corps Volunteers that were coming to help me facilitate the workshop and lead sessions. After all that I went to Mantshwabisi to go and monitor/support HOM train. I had been told on the phone the day before that due to the fact that the school is a boarding school and has 360 pupils, ages 5-19 living in the hostels they had planned with the teachers to involve kids from the hostels, not just the new PACT kids to discuss sever issues going on in the hostels. Some very serious issues of drug use, alcohol abuse, rape, teen pregnancy are all going on in the hostels, even the 5 year olds. So, I said that was great and worked for me. I didn’t realize however they were involving ALL the hostel youth. I arrived at about 2pm to see 360 children, 5-19 yrs old all sitting in chairs in a HUGE half circle outside under the trees waiting for HOM to perform. It was a great thing! It was a moment gain where I felt like tall the stress was worth it. I mean, it’s nice moments like that when I feel like even though I barely sleep anymore cause I have stress dreams about the grant, literally, to see 360 disadvantaged youth getting the exact information they need in a fun way because of the grant….it’s a good moment! I stayed for about 3 hours and HOM were great! They talked about having sex too young, rape, performed a big play on drug and alcohol abuse which the youth loved and laughed so hard. Then they Showed posters of what your body looks like when you smoke, they kids seemed to really get it. It was so good to see the youth really grasp what was being told to them and why it’s all so important…yet laughing and dancing at times throughout the whole thing. Half of the training was with all 360 youth, then the other half they split up the group into the youngest and oldest to teach them more age appropriate material. The teachers arrived from Moleps with Mary, a volunteer that travelled for 9 hours just to get to my village to help me and I asked the teachers to get out of the car so they could really see what the grant does and why it’s so important and most of all the impact it makes. See, the teachers don’t usually come to these events cause they have schools and whatnot so usually it’s just me that goes. I think the teachers got what I was hoping they would and didn’t a bit too…but I tried.
So, I got home about 7pm with Mary after a very long day. Friday came too fast and Mary and I were off. It was the day before the workshop and oh the drama!!!! All day, so much drama! We went to school at 7am to have a last minute staff meeting. I thought of the idea earlier in the week to drop one of the sessions we were planning to have me lead to show the participants how to teach the pupils and to actually bring in our PACT Club to let the them see exactly how we led PACT, what we do, how the kids react, how they speak in PACT and really show how PACT is different from normal classroom learning. The teachers at my school agreed, we practiced with the pupils on Wed night, by Thursday one of the teachers told me she didn’t want the pupils to be a part of the workshop because they can’t present well and basically would embarrass us. I needless to say was really upset at that and extremely frustrated. So, while on Friday morning we needed to leave my village immediately to get started on the day for getting food and preparing, I knew we needed a staff meeting to discuss this. I was frustrated beyond belief that we were about to be holding a workshop teaching schools about PCT and our experiences with it yet, we had a staff that was embarrassed of the children. I wanted to call the whole thing off. I felt like we were frauds…we were preaching to make ourselves look good not because we had a right to preach. So, I told my school head what happened and she immediately called the whole staff in our little tiny office with Mary just sitting there watching the craziness.
So, we discussed it basically the school head decided that my original point for using the kids which was not that the kids would be perfect, I didn’t want them to be really cause that’s not how it always is, but to have the participants see how PACT works and how the children may be shy but they can still learn and PACT can happen…was necessary and she wanted the children involved. The teachers were gong back and forth saying they had no problem using the kids and never were embarrassed, now if I hadn’t been as stressed as I was, I may have let that slide but I didn’t. I calmly and asnicely as I could brought to the attention that that wasn’t true and we’ve had this fight in the past before…so in the middle of this lovely conversation/fight all of a sudden a flash went off…Mary was taking pictures of this graceful moment. I looked at her and said, “really? Right now? Of this?” She responded with, “I think documented evidence of your struggle and your fighting back is important and also in case any deaths happen we’ll have proof of where everyone was sitting so we can make your alibi accordingly.” Got love friends!
Long fight short…we agreed to practice with the kids that night when we got back and I basically said it was up to the teacher to plan this, I would help her but was washing my hand s of the responsibility of it…I was tired of fighting about this cause I feel I’ve been fighting for this since we started PACT…I had too many things to do and I couldn’t tackle this one right now too. Agreed 3pm we would practice. So, Mary, one of the teachers, and myself were off to Moleps to shop for food, last minute things like pens and paper and to collect the two other PCV’s that were helping me facilitate. After about an hour f waiting for the driver who went MIA after we were done he finally came back, I was stressed like nothing else and we went to Letlhakeng to do more printing, get the projector and such. I had a big migraine and it was now 230pm when we got back to my village. I drank some water and went up to school to practice. The teacher was awesome. She planned the session for the kids to do and got t together. She used a part if a session I thought of a few days before and then planned a new part. I was so grateful to her at that moment an impressed that she stepped up. The kids were there about 30 of them and we practiced for an hour. The session was Love, Sex, and Dating. That’s what the kids would teach that and do a PACT session in front of everyone. It was not an easy topic or topics we were asking of them but I knew they could do it. We practiced and I felt some mess ups would be made, which I didn’t care about but they did a pretty good job. We told them to be back to school the next morning at 930am.
I was there with the teachers til 8pm that night decorating the hall and cooking dinner, in the dark, YAY for no electricity for the teachers that had to stay the night. I work up the next morning at 6am to start the day and get t school to prepare things. They teachers were all there making breakfast already and so were the kids. We said 930 but they were so excited they were all there by 6am. Some of the boys borrowed these ripped up old ties of their dads or friends to wear and you could tell they felt very fancy and manly. It was very sweet! So, breakfast was made and the teachers/participants are started to arrive and take their seats. 3 representatives from NACA came, the Principal Education Officer came, the School Head of all School Heads for the District came as well as 17 out of the 20 teachers invited. 8 schools were represented. One school couldn’t come and two other schools just sent one representative instead of two. In true Botswana style, the workshop was meant to start at 8am but started at 845am…which actually isn’t very late surprisingly. So, it started with the school head giving welcome remarks and a few other protocol things. Then I had to give the objectives of the workshop and then do a session on the basics of PACT and all about it. John, another volunteer presented the basics of Life Skills session next. We had “Team Building Activities” after that which is basically playing games that we play in PACT which the participants really liked. We made sure to do that throughout the day to make sure this workshop would be interactive and not lecture cause that’s what PACT is. Everyone loved that especially since that’s not very normal here.
Then after tea, it was time for the kids. Myself and one of the PACT teachers led the session with the kids. I opened with explaining the purpose of the session and how I wanted them to see the kids in their environment and how PACT works first hand. Well, the children were phenomenal!!!! Unbelievable! They got right up there and confidently played games with all the participants watching and string at them. They answered questions about love, sex, dating, they knew answers like, “sex isn’t just about being naked with someone, it’s about making love because sex should be loving and you shouldn’t have sex with someone you don’t love…” I mean come on! Brilliant! I was such a proud mama! My kids were amazing!!! I couldn’t believe it, the teachers couldn’t believe it, the participants had their jaws to the floors. In total awe! Several of the teachers told me they would literally consider transferring to my school just for my PACT kids….oh and the kids did all of it in English. My kids are 10-15. All in English. 100% Everyone in the room was so impressed!!! People have been calling my school head for days congratulating her on her pupils and how they have heard amazing things about our PACT! My school head came up to me right after that session and said, “who was embarrassed again? …Cause that should shut them up!”
After the PACT kids, Mary, a PCV did her session on HIV/AIDS & Stigma and Discrimination. She did activities with the teachers that they can do with the youth and taught them about the topic. Lunch came and then time for Shannon to do her session on Communication which after that I led a session of having the teachers/participants all get into groups of four and make their own PACT lessons to get them used to how easy and simple it can be which I think they really got the point. One of the groups made up their own skit/play in 5 mins which was great cause that really showed them how easy it can be. The participants really tried and I think they got a lot out of it. It was a big success…and everyone keeps telling me that which is really great. After questions and comments and me needing to reinforcing how to start a PACT Club and how its possible to do it with no money (all the NGO’s and resources available to help them) it was about 5pm and time to be done. I am exhausted now. So tired. I can barely see straight. All that stress and insanity. Pure craziness but I think it went well and I think overall its worth it.
Now…starting to plan the Youth Camp…my work is never done…

First big event is coming

OK, I have no time to talk. I'll update soon...BUT 8 days til from now we are having our first big event fro the SAF Grant. We are holding a Facilitators Workshop on Novemeber 13th in my village. This has grown big. Over 20 teachers, 9 different schools and 3 other PCV's are coming to help us facilitate. We're going to be training all these teachers about Life Skills, PACT,HIV/AIDS prevention and the methods they can use in the schools and classrooms to gt tis info to the pupils in new and different ways. Its gotten pretty big. Botswana officials are suppose to be coming out to "benchmark" what we are doing and how they can use "our teachings" in the future. Which is cool but a little bit of pressure. I'm super excited and super super nervous too. So much has been planned and figured out so quickly. Wish us luck. This will be interesting...