Pictures are UP! Only stuff from the last month or so...I'm working on getting more up...its a long process but here is where they are...welcome to Botswana...
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Camp GLOW
OK, so where to begin…its been awhile. OK, let’s start at Camp GLOW which was held from Dec 5-13th. The kids loved it and had such a good time. The camp was held in Tsetsebjwe which is way North East very close to the Zimbabwe boarder. It was held at a Junior Secondary Boarding School…yes, we ALL slept in bunk beds…I had total childhood flashbacks. I had one of the top bunks and there were no ladders to the bunks so I had to find a way to fling myself to the top which basically involved climbing the nearest book shelf and then leaping…not bad. Very few injuries if I do say so myself. The place was a bit on the untidy side if I’m going to try to be kind. It was pit latrines and showers with no curtains whatsoever on them so it was a rush for all of us facilitators to try to find times to go shower while the kids were occupied so that we didn’t have our little ones staring at us while we showered. Let me tell you, being white females here in general gets us all stared at constantly, but being white naked females was not something we wanted to test out the reaction to. Anyways, the sessions all went really well! All of us facilitators lead our own sessions and helped with the educational activities and then committees that held responsibilities like putting together the talent show or mock protest that the kids were part of. I lead the sessions on Goals and Values, Human Rights and Discrimination, helped with the Problem Solving Activity as well as the nighttime Scavenger Hunt that the kids did. It was full on camp counselor time! I had days when I was on duty and had to make sure all the girls were asleep by 10pm and wake for morning exercise by 6am. The camp was packed…the kids had sessions and games and activities from 6am to 10pm…crazy! The day started with morning exercise at 6am, which most of us facilitators used as our shower time…mostly we just didn’t want to go exercise at 6am…then breakfast at 7am. The first sessions started at 8, each session was 1 ½ hours long…3 sessions each day, then the hour long educational activity, and then free time for about 2 ½ hours. Myself and a few other PCV’s used that as our time to either take a walk to the nearest Tuck Shop (which is like a tiny version of a gas station type store and I mean, TINY!) or we played Disney version Monopoly…that is the best game in the world!!!!!
6pm was dinner, then at 7-9pm something different each night, like the talent show, awards ceremony at the end of camp, making a GLOW banner, Scavenger Hunt, Campfire, etc… then at 9pm, each groups of campers with their delegation leaders met for ½ hour to talk about the day. At 9:30pm it was the facilitators meeting where we talked about what needed to be better for the next day and so on…10pm…finally bed. It was a full week or full days! The point of the camp was to address topics like sex, love, dating, drugs, human rights, HIV/AIDS, STI’s, their bodies, puberty, gender based violence, etc…and be as open with them as possible. Botswana culture is not very open. Parents don’t talk to their children typically about anything. It tradition for children to ask their uncles the questions they want to know and even then some things are considered unacceptable to talk about. It’s a culture where women don’t have many rights and it is extremely male dominated. For example, I didn’t even know this, but in Botswana it is legal for a husband to force his wife to have sex with him. It is not considered rape if they are married. It was really difficult though because we were all teaching sessions to the girls and telling them that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to, rape is wrong, you don’t owe a man anything, all of that female empowerment stuff only to realize that until the culture changes….that stuff can be said but cannot be practiced. During the sex, love, and dating session we mixed the boys and girls together (most all sessions were boys and girls separate) but differed by age. So, all the 14 and younger boys and girls were in the same session and all the 14 and older boys and girls were in the same session. Facilitators went with their kids that they brought and if we were leading that session then we sat in the back and just listened and helped if needed. Anyways, during that sex, love and dating session I was with the 14 and younger cause my girls were all 13 and 14 and I was in the back listening…it was fascinating and horrifying in that session. It started off great…the kids were open and talking about sex, with somewhat minimal giggling, and they asked the kids what they think sex is…one 14 year old boy raised his hand and said, “sex is the sound of sweetness!” He was so certain and positive that that was the right answer. It was so funny. All of us in the back were trying so hard not to laugh. It was great. Later, in the session is got intense. The young boys all started talking about how if they buy gifts for a girl then she is required to have sex with them and that if they want sex even if she doesn’t then the girls still have to have sex because they are the men. It was frightening! Completely terrifying! That’s the culture here though. People really do think that if you give a girls gifts and she takes the gift then that is the unspoken, “yes, I will sleep with you.” All of us PCV’s in the back were shocked that these little 14 year old boys were saying this, then as we sat in silence, not knowing what to do as white Americans and if our words would even mean anything in this context, we watch the local Motswana male leaders sit there and say nothing. No one fought these kids on that…no one argued it…except for the newest generation of empowered females that now we have helped to create. The girls fought back on that and told the boys that if they don’t want to have sex they don’t have to…the boys fought against that and so on. It was so great to see the girls saying no…but how realistic is that? I mean, we spent all week telling these girls that they are powerful and have control of their bodies and what happens to them in life…but are they? This is a culture that is starting to teach females to fight, but not teaching males why the women are fighting and why they should be fighting…its one sided! Until the men are taught and shown that women are worth something, then the women can be empowered, but they will still be in a culture that forces them to have sex and says that that OK. That was by far the hardest session. I left that session honestly, a little depressed…we all did. We identified the problem, we glorified the problem, we stared at the problem, and then walked away from it with our hands up and surrendering to it. We didn’t know what to do and also worry a little that we are teaching these girls to tell these boys “NO”…are we ultimately getting these girls in trouble in the future by giving them such a strong will and reasons to fight when they will be challenging a more dominate sex that can and will overpower when the circumstance arises? I don’t know. In order to get change you have to fight for it and be willing to go against the grain, but both sided, both sexes need to change…need to be willing to make that change or else it could just become dangerous or unsafe for the one that’s changing.
One of my favorite times at the camp was the campfire. We had a big fire and all the kids got into their school delegation and have to perform something that represented where in the country they came from…so all of the kids sang songs in their local languages and performed traditional dances. It was so cool…even the quietist kids in the whole camp (which my kids definitely fell into that category) came alive when it was time to dance. Traditional dancing and singing is what people do here. Its how they represent themselves and seem to really feel free and able to express themselves its great! Each delegation performed, I took video of the kids and leaders dancing and singing and its so cool cause you can’t see it very well cause its so dark, but you can see all the silhouettes in the fire and hear it…so cool! After that all the kids had S’mores, except there was no chocolate, but that’s ok. The whole part of the S’more that makes it a S’more is roasting the marshmallows in my opinion anyway. The kids had no idea what S’mores were and loved them!
Overall, the camp was good. The kids asked us questions and were so open which is not typical in this culture. Like, I had to get up in session and tell all the girls what cramps feel like and one little girl asked me where certain parts of the female anatomy are (I’ll spare you the details)…that was definitely a new and random for me. Haha BUT it was good. We had a question box and the kids asked things like, why do ppl have sex?, how long should ppl have sex for?, what do I do if my boyfriend/girlfriend has HIV?, etc… they were really good questions and the kids were so excited to get all the answers and to learn about all the random things they wanted to know.
After camp, I went back to my village…cleaned a bit, ran some earns in Moleps, and spent a few days in Gabs working on Infusion Lessons with other Life Skills PCV’s. We’re getting together to talk about and plan lessons that put life skills into normal everyday subjects and lessons in the school and then we’re all going to take the lessons back to our schools and then film our teachers teaching these lessons that that the Ministry of Education as a “how to…” to show future teachers how to teach life skills. Life skills is still a new projects to the Ministry and Botswana so we’re trying to help it grow and be more easily understood for future teachers. Life Skills is actually only in 3 districts in Botswana right now and its where all the life skills PCV’s are.
6pm was dinner, then at 7-9pm something different each night, like the talent show, awards ceremony at the end of camp, making a GLOW banner, Scavenger Hunt, Campfire, etc… then at 9pm, each groups of campers with their delegation leaders met for ½ hour to talk about the day. At 9:30pm it was the facilitators meeting where we talked about what needed to be better for the next day and so on…10pm…finally bed. It was a full week or full days! The point of the camp was to address topics like sex, love, dating, drugs, human rights, HIV/AIDS, STI’s, their bodies, puberty, gender based violence, etc…and be as open with them as possible. Botswana culture is not very open. Parents don’t talk to their children typically about anything. It tradition for children to ask their uncles the questions they want to know and even then some things are considered unacceptable to talk about. It’s a culture where women don’t have many rights and it is extremely male dominated. For example, I didn’t even know this, but in Botswana it is legal for a husband to force his wife to have sex with him. It is not considered rape if they are married. It was really difficult though because we were all teaching sessions to the girls and telling them that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to, rape is wrong, you don’t owe a man anything, all of that female empowerment stuff only to realize that until the culture changes….that stuff can be said but cannot be practiced. During the sex, love, and dating session we mixed the boys and girls together (most all sessions were boys and girls separate) but differed by age. So, all the 14 and younger boys and girls were in the same session and all the 14 and older boys and girls were in the same session. Facilitators went with their kids that they brought and if we were leading that session then we sat in the back and just listened and helped if needed. Anyways, during that sex, love and dating session I was with the 14 and younger cause my girls were all 13 and 14 and I was in the back listening…it was fascinating and horrifying in that session. It started off great…the kids were open and talking about sex, with somewhat minimal giggling, and they asked the kids what they think sex is…one 14 year old boy raised his hand and said, “sex is the sound of sweetness!” He was so certain and positive that that was the right answer. It was so funny. All of us in the back were trying so hard not to laugh. It was great. Later, in the session is got intense. The young boys all started talking about how if they buy gifts for a girl then she is required to have sex with them and that if they want sex even if she doesn’t then the girls still have to have sex because they are the men. It was frightening! Completely terrifying! That’s the culture here though. People really do think that if you give a girls gifts and she takes the gift then that is the unspoken, “yes, I will sleep with you.” All of us PCV’s in the back were shocked that these little 14 year old boys were saying this, then as we sat in silence, not knowing what to do as white Americans and if our words would even mean anything in this context, we watch the local Motswana male leaders sit there and say nothing. No one fought these kids on that…no one argued it…except for the newest generation of empowered females that now we have helped to create. The girls fought back on that and told the boys that if they don’t want to have sex they don’t have to…the boys fought against that and so on. It was so great to see the girls saying no…but how realistic is that? I mean, we spent all week telling these girls that they are powerful and have control of their bodies and what happens to them in life…but are they? This is a culture that is starting to teach females to fight, but not teaching males why the women are fighting and why they should be fighting…its one sided! Until the men are taught and shown that women are worth something, then the women can be empowered, but they will still be in a culture that forces them to have sex and says that that OK. That was by far the hardest session. I left that session honestly, a little depressed…we all did. We identified the problem, we glorified the problem, we stared at the problem, and then walked away from it with our hands up and surrendering to it. We didn’t know what to do and also worry a little that we are teaching these girls to tell these boys “NO”…are we ultimately getting these girls in trouble in the future by giving them such a strong will and reasons to fight when they will be challenging a more dominate sex that can and will overpower when the circumstance arises? I don’t know. In order to get change you have to fight for it and be willing to go against the grain, but both sided, both sexes need to change…need to be willing to make that change or else it could just become dangerous or unsafe for the one that’s changing.
One of my favorite times at the camp was the campfire. We had a big fire and all the kids got into their school delegation and have to perform something that represented where in the country they came from…so all of the kids sang songs in their local languages and performed traditional dances. It was so cool…even the quietist kids in the whole camp (which my kids definitely fell into that category) came alive when it was time to dance. Traditional dancing and singing is what people do here. Its how they represent themselves and seem to really feel free and able to express themselves its great! Each delegation performed, I took video of the kids and leaders dancing and singing and its so cool cause you can’t see it very well cause its so dark, but you can see all the silhouettes in the fire and hear it…so cool! After that all the kids had S’mores, except there was no chocolate, but that’s ok. The whole part of the S’more that makes it a S’more is roasting the marshmallows in my opinion anyway. The kids had no idea what S’mores were and loved them!
Overall, the camp was good. The kids asked us questions and were so open which is not typical in this culture. Like, I had to get up in session and tell all the girls what cramps feel like and one little girl asked me where certain parts of the female anatomy are (I’ll spare you the details)…that was definitely a new and random for me. Haha BUT it was good. We had a question box and the kids asked things like, why do ppl have sex?, how long should ppl have sex for?, what do I do if my boyfriend/girlfriend has HIV?, etc… they were really good questions and the kids were so excited to get all the answers and to learn about all the random things they wanted to know.
After camp, I went back to my village…cleaned a bit, ran some earns in Moleps, and spent a few days in Gabs working on Infusion Lessons with other Life Skills PCV’s. We’re getting together to talk about and plan lessons that put life skills into normal everyday subjects and lessons in the school and then we’re all going to take the lessons back to our schools and then film our teachers teaching these lessons that that the Ministry of Education as a “how to…” to show future teachers how to teach life skills. Life skills is still a new projects to the Ministry and Botswana so we’re trying to help it grow and be more easily understood for future teachers. Life Skills is actually only in 3 districts in Botswana right now and its where all the life skills PCV’s are.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
"Love is when you love ONE person." ~age 11
I’m in gabs for this whole week for a Life Skills Workshop in Infusion (meaning learning how to integrate life skills lessons in to all schools subjects). My friend Sonia and I went to see that new movie, “A Christmas Carol,” it was so nice to escape into a movie. Next time, not a Christmas one though maybe. It’s a very surreal feeling to completely immerse yourself into the Christmas world, snow, and thinking about home to then walk out of the theatre to 100 degree weather and the fact that you’re in Botswana. Haha It was stil so good to see a movie though. I got here on Sunday and am spending a week in Hotel life….so exciting! I have showered!!!! I have showered in a legit, standing up right, water coming out and draining all on its own shower…you know, a normal shower….but these things boggle my mind now! I feel clean, which in all honesty, I don’t typically have that feeling very often. Gross I know, but true. I have electricity, I’m eating protein, watching TV, have internet access, and an entire mall 5 minutes away! Its like vacation! It’s gonna be a good week!
The last few weeks have actually been really pretty trying and hard! Not gonna lie, had a bit of a breakdown…which I’ve been anticipating for a while…but it finally happened. I think it was good and needed to happen. By breakdown I don’t entirely mean the white jacket and padded room, even though that does sound a bit relaxing though, but it was more of the just being totally fed up, frustrated, and unable to care about what going on at the moment. So, I did what I normally do in those situations where I called my mom and cried, texted my sister and told her I “hate life” and then just kinda hid for a bit. I basically sat in my house for 2 days and made beads, read, cooked, and tried not to think about anything that had to do with the PC’s and Botswana. It sounds harsh a bit, but being surrounded by everything all the time and working nonstop in a new environment where everything is foreign to you and your fighting for people’s livelihoods and health…it can become a bit much at times. It was good in the end to take a break from it all. I needed it. I’m not good at knowing when I need breaks so that’s usually why the “breakdowns” happens. I’m someone that just goes and goes without stopping and is totally fine…until I’m not. When I’m working on something I need to do or want to do then I’m more than fine with working to the bone to do it, I’m happiest when I’m busy and working on things. The problem with that is that then I don’t notice how worn down I am until all of a sudden It’s “breakdown time.” Not very good though. I’m working on taking breaks and being ok with taking breaks.
Anyways, big tangent, but a lot has happened in the last few weeks that has been really hard and really tested me. I’ve had my first few testing moments of realizing just how hard I’m going to have to fight to see change. Apparently just writing a proposal won’t just magically fix everything…go figure. Haha Since I’m in such a tiny village with no resources, I can’t get funding through NGO’s or grants, I can only really get funding through the DAC (District AIDS Coordinator) and I was denied any type of funding at all. That’s a bit of a set back and threw me for a loop. Its my only real option and I really though we’d get the tiny amount of money we were asking for. Not so much. I won’t get into the politics of it, but from my understanding the reasons that I’m not getting any AID are for not very sound or just reasons at all. It’s basically just extremely unfair and really has taught me a lot about the political system here and how much actually caring about change and having all parties involved wanting change to happen is essential for getting help/AID. Its gonna be a bigger struggle than I thought…which in the long run I welcome the challenge…but it’s a bit overwhelming when that realization hits. (Hence the break! Haha)
I also had a conversation with the social worker for my village and he informed me that the government of Bots is recalling people’s “Destitute Status’” and are taking some of the status’ from the people in my village. Which is a bit unsettling cause I don’t know exactly what that means or what will happen, but the government believes that with the Drought Relief Program (temporary hard labor jobs) that they give to ppl in the country that they should be making enough money to support themselves and not need the help from the gov. I don’t really know what to say at that. I mean, I’m not in a position to really agree or disagree with that cause I feel like I don’t have the confidence in knowing all sides of whats going on. I see a lot of things and I hear a lot of things. I have my opinions for sure, but I guess what I’ll say is what I see in my village. For example, the Drought Relief program is currently employing a lot of people in my village. The Program is giving a certain amount of people in the village, the ones able to work, a 300 pula ($30-40) a month for 2 months to weed the clinic and schools grounds. The families that can work have 600 pula for 2 months of hard labor…and then who the hell knows when the Drought Relief Program may come back to the village and employ people, but until that day comes, no one will work….therefore not making any money. So, if the government takes away the food baskets that Destitute’s get once a month permanently, whether there is Drought Relief of not….well…you do the math.
I’m all for self reliance and I’m all for cutting back some AID in complete honesty. In many ways I think there might be a little too much enabling going on, but I feel like there is another way to go about doing that then this. Anyways, the point was that the social worker told me that because of this he really thinks that the Second Meal Program that I’ve been fighting for the kids for school probably won’t happen cause of cutting back on AID. I was so upset when he told me that. We don’t know for sure though and I’m going to try to go talk to everyone in the Ministry when I get back in a week to really fight for it and try to make sure it happens. They can’t cut all AID at once…its just not feasible or healthy for that matter. So, its not over, but it was blow. Also, I haven’t found any way to transport the girls to Camp Glow in a few weeks. He people that I thought could help say they can’t…so still working on that. Basically I’ll stop this depressing rant, but its been a really challenging few weeks. I’m working on getting things done despite everything going on and my own personal moments of doubt.
I’m working on a proposal now to try to start kind of a “Big Brother, Big Sister” program with some of the private schools in Gabs to help the kids have exposure to other children that live a very different life styles…in hopes that will show the kids a world outside Metsi and meet other kids that are really motivated. I’m working on putting together a workshop for the teachers at my school for January so that I can officially teach them about Life Skills and therefore we can really get it in our school and it won’t be just me doing all the life skills stuff. I’m still working on transport for the kids to get to Camp GLOW! I’m planning the clubs that are going to start in my school in January. School, 3rd Term ends this week and schools doesn’t start again to mid January. So 4B will officially start and we’ll be enrolled in Jan as well as PACT (Peer Approach to Counseling by Teens) Club, and Art Club. Art Club is gonna be a way for the kids to have fun and be creative and do what they want….have some structured freedom. Also, I’m hoping with Art Club maybe I can find a way to use what they kids make into some sort of fundraising and also with 4B sell the fruits and vegetables as well as honey from the bee keeping and other things. Granted I still need to get the bee keeping going, but I’m working on it. So, despite kinda feeling hopeless and still feeling a bit off and not sure what in the world I’m doing or if anything I’m doing will even happen or make a difference at all….I’m doing it. I’m doing it cause I don’t know what else to do and not doing anything just isn’t an option for me…even though I do need to figure out how to take breaks. Haha It’s a weird thing to have “take a break” on a to-do list…but I’m trying. To bad I lose my to-do lists most of the time, but baby steps I guess.
At the end of the day, I can’t change the government, I can’t save all of Botswana, I may not even be able to save my whole tiny little village, but I can help the children. At the end of it all…it’s the kids and the idea that I can show them something new or help them to think that they can do or be anything they want to be…that’s what keeps me going on the days that seem to feel endless. It’s the kids and the idea of helping the future generation of Botswana that gives me the motivation to keep trying and keep working on Life Skills…
Last week, I took Standard 5 and 6 (about 11-13 years old) out of their classes and did some life skills activities with them for a few hours. One of my big challenges with the kids is to try to get them to answer personal questions or even just questions that allow them to have an opinion. In Botswana the major way of teaching is lecturing and with the lectures come definitions which are what the children learn, repeat, and memorize…soon the memorized definitions are all that the children really know how to recite and understand. So, when I ask them what their favorite school subject is or what kinds of food they like, they either look to their teachers in hopes she will give them the answers or they hesitantly answer me but its still usually in the form of the question. Its kinda like jeopardy, but a little sad. As the kids are getting more comfortable with me they are more used to me questioning them about what they think/like/feel and so on…but its still a struggle to get the kids to answer anything where they are allowed to say whatever they want. Its so weird to me…in America in the classes and day cares I taught in I could never get kids to be quiet no matter what I did, but here I can barely get the children to tell me what they think of school or the weather or anything without getting a response of. “yes,” and that’s it. Like I said, it is absolutely getting better and I love that the kids are trusting me and know that I won’t beat them for anything ever and that I want to know what they think and feel…they think I’m so weird for that actually. Haha
Anyways, I when I took the older kids from class I gave them as much time as they wanted to do 2 assignments for me. The first was that they had to draw a picture of how they see their village. The top of the paper said, “when I think of Metsibotlhoko I see…” and then they had to draw what they “see.” The second assignment was to fill out a survey that I made up the questions to. All sorts of questions about what they thought about life issues and themselves. The kids did better than I expected. I was expecting the kids to leave a lot of blanks to answers but they worked hard! I told them they could take as much time or as little time as they wanted to do these 2 things, but I wanted to them to do everything honestly, to know that no answer is ever wrong, that I would not show the teachers, and I wanted to know everything they thought for themselves and only what they thought. The kids took 3 hours on it…they worked hard and seemed to try as hard as they could, especially for it being such unfamiliar territory for them.
The pictures came out very sweet and they did a really good job! They drew pictures of traditional houses in the village, chickens, kids riding donkeys (cause they do all the time, its so funny), cars (which I don’t know where those are in the village, but that’s ok. Haha), trees, pots, food, etc… I was impressed and the drawings were so cute. The surveys were great cause they were honest and you could tell that these little kids really tried to think for themselves and answer what they could.
To give you an idea for the kids and life skills here in Bots (which I will remind you all that Life Skills only started a few years ago in Botswana, never in this school, and is still in the pilot phase for all of Bots) but these are the a few of exact questions I asked and some of the exact responses from the kids: (yes, I am even going to give you the grammar mistakes)
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: “I want to be a police man because I want to buy a nice car and I want to buy a nice food like rice, bread, and others.”
“I want to be a teacher when I grow up because I want to teacher children.”
“I want to be a nurse because I want to help my parents.”
“I want to be a doctor because I want to know the diseases that get into people body.”
“Solider”
“When I grow up I want to be a doctor when I grow up because I need money.”
“I want to be a teacher because I want the money and help my family.”
Q: What is LOVE?
A: “Love is respect each other”
“Love is when people are married at home”
“Love is when you like things or someone.”
“Love is when you love each other.”
“Love is when you like something or people.”
“Love is when you love ONE person.”
“Love is when you treat someone fairly.”
“It is when a girl and a boy married.”
“It is when living with someone with peace.”
Q: Do you know someone with HIV/AIDS? (I told them it is a yes or no question and that I don’t want names or to identify people.)
A: “yes”
“Yes!”
“no”
“yes, **** is someone that has HIV/AIDS” (**** is the name of a boy in Standard 5 that the school hadn’t already identified as a child that is infected with HIV.)
Q: List your top 3 Values and/or 3 things that are important to you… (most of the kids have no idea what “values” really mean.)
A: “cloths, food, water.”
“To education, to life, to name.”
“To keep my body clean, to live in shelter, my mother should register me I school.”
“ To help my parents weed the grass and wash dishes, to cook food, to sweep the house.”
“People, animals, bread, rice.”
“ Education, be free, be vaccinated.”
“Read, learn, write.”
“Respect, love, caring. Values are good or bad behavior.”
“ Dancing, playing, donkeys.”
“Respect, loyalty, honesty”
“Respect, honesty, compassion”
Q: How should you treat someone with HIV/AIDS?
A: “We give them medicine.”
“Equally”
“Taken to the hospital”
“HIV/AIDS is a disease that can kill a person.”
“If someone has HIV/AIDS I share food with him/her and cook food with him/her.”
“By playing with someone that has HIV/AIDS.”
Q: What is your biggest goal in life?
A: “It is to education because I want to know.”
That was the only answer I got. Every other child started to write the response but never answered it…only one child could answer that question.
Q: What food do you eat at home?
A: “bread”
“rice”
“bread and rice”
Q: what do you think abuse is?
A:” Abuse is when child has no mother. Dead. You can abuse for example no food or cloths.”
“Abuse is when you don’t share values with another person.”
“Abuse is when people abuse.”
“Abuse is when violate children by killing them.”
“Abuse is when you fight with others.”
“Abuse is when your moral is wrong.”
“Abuse is when people beat a child but not break a law.” (Corporal punishment is allowed in Botswana but there are restricts and laws about how often a child can be hit and how…but typically those rules are not followed…and apparently the kids are fully aware of that.)
The last few weeks have actually been really pretty trying and hard! Not gonna lie, had a bit of a breakdown…which I’ve been anticipating for a while…but it finally happened. I think it was good and needed to happen. By breakdown I don’t entirely mean the white jacket and padded room, even though that does sound a bit relaxing though, but it was more of the just being totally fed up, frustrated, and unable to care about what going on at the moment. So, I did what I normally do in those situations where I called my mom and cried, texted my sister and told her I “hate life” and then just kinda hid for a bit. I basically sat in my house for 2 days and made beads, read, cooked, and tried not to think about anything that had to do with the PC’s and Botswana. It sounds harsh a bit, but being surrounded by everything all the time and working nonstop in a new environment where everything is foreign to you and your fighting for people’s livelihoods and health…it can become a bit much at times. It was good in the end to take a break from it all. I needed it. I’m not good at knowing when I need breaks so that’s usually why the “breakdowns” happens. I’m someone that just goes and goes without stopping and is totally fine…until I’m not. When I’m working on something I need to do or want to do then I’m more than fine with working to the bone to do it, I’m happiest when I’m busy and working on things. The problem with that is that then I don’t notice how worn down I am until all of a sudden It’s “breakdown time.” Not very good though. I’m working on taking breaks and being ok with taking breaks.
Anyways, big tangent, but a lot has happened in the last few weeks that has been really hard and really tested me. I’ve had my first few testing moments of realizing just how hard I’m going to have to fight to see change. Apparently just writing a proposal won’t just magically fix everything…go figure. Haha Since I’m in such a tiny village with no resources, I can’t get funding through NGO’s or grants, I can only really get funding through the DAC (District AIDS Coordinator) and I was denied any type of funding at all. That’s a bit of a set back and threw me for a loop. Its my only real option and I really though we’d get the tiny amount of money we were asking for. Not so much. I won’t get into the politics of it, but from my understanding the reasons that I’m not getting any AID are for not very sound or just reasons at all. It’s basically just extremely unfair and really has taught me a lot about the political system here and how much actually caring about change and having all parties involved wanting change to happen is essential for getting help/AID. Its gonna be a bigger struggle than I thought…which in the long run I welcome the challenge…but it’s a bit overwhelming when that realization hits. (Hence the break! Haha)
I also had a conversation with the social worker for my village and he informed me that the government of Bots is recalling people’s “Destitute Status’” and are taking some of the status’ from the people in my village. Which is a bit unsettling cause I don’t know exactly what that means or what will happen, but the government believes that with the Drought Relief Program (temporary hard labor jobs) that they give to ppl in the country that they should be making enough money to support themselves and not need the help from the gov. I don’t really know what to say at that. I mean, I’m not in a position to really agree or disagree with that cause I feel like I don’t have the confidence in knowing all sides of whats going on. I see a lot of things and I hear a lot of things. I have my opinions for sure, but I guess what I’ll say is what I see in my village. For example, the Drought Relief program is currently employing a lot of people in my village. The Program is giving a certain amount of people in the village, the ones able to work, a 300 pula ($30-40) a month for 2 months to weed the clinic and schools grounds. The families that can work have 600 pula for 2 months of hard labor…and then who the hell knows when the Drought Relief Program may come back to the village and employ people, but until that day comes, no one will work….therefore not making any money. So, if the government takes away the food baskets that Destitute’s get once a month permanently, whether there is Drought Relief of not….well…you do the math.
I’m all for self reliance and I’m all for cutting back some AID in complete honesty. In many ways I think there might be a little too much enabling going on, but I feel like there is another way to go about doing that then this. Anyways, the point was that the social worker told me that because of this he really thinks that the Second Meal Program that I’ve been fighting for the kids for school probably won’t happen cause of cutting back on AID. I was so upset when he told me that. We don’t know for sure though and I’m going to try to go talk to everyone in the Ministry when I get back in a week to really fight for it and try to make sure it happens. They can’t cut all AID at once…its just not feasible or healthy for that matter. So, its not over, but it was blow. Also, I haven’t found any way to transport the girls to Camp Glow in a few weeks. He people that I thought could help say they can’t…so still working on that. Basically I’ll stop this depressing rant, but its been a really challenging few weeks. I’m working on getting things done despite everything going on and my own personal moments of doubt.
I’m working on a proposal now to try to start kind of a “Big Brother, Big Sister” program with some of the private schools in Gabs to help the kids have exposure to other children that live a very different life styles…in hopes that will show the kids a world outside Metsi and meet other kids that are really motivated. I’m working on putting together a workshop for the teachers at my school for January so that I can officially teach them about Life Skills and therefore we can really get it in our school and it won’t be just me doing all the life skills stuff. I’m still working on transport for the kids to get to Camp GLOW! I’m planning the clubs that are going to start in my school in January. School, 3rd Term ends this week and schools doesn’t start again to mid January. So 4B will officially start and we’ll be enrolled in Jan as well as PACT (Peer Approach to Counseling by Teens) Club, and Art Club. Art Club is gonna be a way for the kids to have fun and be creative and do what they want….have some structured freedom. Also, I’m hoping with Art Club maybe I can find a way to use what they kids make into some sort of fundraising and also with 4B sell the fruits and vegetables as well as honey from the bee keeping and other things. Granted I still need to get the bee keeping going, but I’m working on it. So, despite kinda feeling hopeless and still feeling a bit off and not sure what in the world I’m doing or if anything I’m doing will even happen or make a difference at all….I’m doing it. I’m doing it cause I don’t know what else to do and not doing anything just isn’t an option for me…even though I do need to figure out how to take breaks. Haha It’s a weird thing to have “take a break” on a to-do list…but I’m trying. To bad I lose my to-do lists most of the time, but baby steps I guess.
At the end of the day, I can’t change the government, I can’t save all of Botswana, I may not even be able to save my whole tiny little village, but I can help the children. At the end of it all…it’s the kids and the idea that I can show them something new or help them to think that they can do or be anything they want to be…that’s what keeps me going on the days that seem to feel endless. It’s the kids and the idea of helping the future generation of Botswana that gives me the motivation to keep trying and keep working on Life Skills…
Last week, I took Standard 5 and 6 (about 11-13 years old) out of their classes and did some life skills activities with them for a few hours. One of my big challenges with the kids is to try to get them to answer personal questions or even just questions that allow them to have an opinion. In Botswana the major way of teaching is lecturing and with the lectures come definitions which are what the children learn, repeat, and memorize…soon the memorized definitions are all that the children really know how to recite and understand. So, when I ask them what their favorite school subject is or what kinds of food they like, they either look to their teachers in hopes she will give them the answers or they hesitantly answer me but its still usually in the form of the question. Its kinda like jeopardy, but a little sad. As the kids are getting more comfortable with me they are more used to me questioning them about what they think/like/feel and so on…but its still a struggle to get the kids to answer anything where they are allowed to say whatever they want. Its so weird to me…in America in the classes and day cares I taught in I could never get kids to be quiet no matter what I did, but here I can barely get the children to tell me what they think of school or the weather or anything without getting a response of. “yes,” and that’s it. Like I said, it is absolutely getting better and I love that the kids are trusting me and know that I won’t beat them for anything ever and that I want to know what they think and feel…they think I’m so weird for that actually. Haha
Anyways, I when I took the older kids from class I gave them as much time as they wanted to do 2 assignments for me. The first was that they had to draw a picture of how they see their village. The top of the paper said, “when I think of Metsibotlhoko I see…” and then they had to draw what they “see.” The second assignment was to fill out a survey that I made up the questions to. All sorts of questions about what they thought about life issues and themselves. The kids did better than I expected. I was expecting the kids to leave a lot of blanks to answers but they worked hard! I told them they could take as much time or as little time as they wanted to do these 2 things, but I wanted to them to do everything honestly, to know that no answer is ever wrong, that I would not show the teachers, and I wanted to know everything they thought for themselves and only what they thought. The kids took 3 hours on it…they worked hard and seemed to try as hard as they could, especially for it being such unfamiliar territory for them.
The pictures came out very sweet and they did a really good job! They drew pictures of traditional houses in the village, chickens, kids riding donkeys (cause they do all the time, its so funny), cars (which I don’t know where those are in the village, but that’s ok. Haha), trees, pots, food, etc… I was impressed and the drawings were so cute. The surveys were great cause they were honest and you could tell that these little kids really tried to think for themselves and answer what they could.
To give you an idea for the kids and life skills here in Bots (which I will remind you all that Life Skills only started a few years ago in Botswana, never in this school, and is still in the pilot phase for all of Bots) but these are the a few of exact questions I asked and some of the exact responses from the kids: (yes, I am even going to give you the grammar mistakes)
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: “I want to be a police man because I want to buy a nice car and I want to buy a nice food like rice, bread, and others.”
“I want to be a teacher when I grow up because I want to teacher children.”
“I want to be a nurse because I want to help my parents.”
“I want to be a doctor because I want to know the diseases that get into people body.”
“Solider”
“When I grow up I want to be a doctor when I grow up because I need money.”
“I want to be a teacher because I want the money and help my family.”
Q: What is LOVE?
A: “Love is respect each other”
“Love is when people are married at home”
“Love is when you like things or someone.”
“Love is when you love each other.”
“Love is when you like something or people.”
“Love is when you love ONE person.”
“Love is when you treat someone fairly.”
“It is when a girl and a boy married.”
“It is when living with someone with peace.”
Q: Do you know someone with HIV/AIDS? (I told them it is a yes or no question and that I don’t want names or to identify people.)
A: “yes”
“Yes!”
“no”
“yes, **** is someone that has HIV/AIDS” (**** is the name of a boy in Standard 5 that the school hadn’t already identified as a child that is infected with HIV.)
Q: List your top 3 Values and/or 3 things that are important to you… (most of the kids have no idea what “values” really mean.)
A: “cloths, food, water.”
“To education, to life, to name.”
“To keep my body clean, to live in shelter, my mother should register me I school.”
“ To help my parents weed the grass and wash dishes, to cook food, to sweep the house.”
“People, animals, bread, rice.”
“ Education, be free, be vaccinated.”
“Read, learn, write.”
“Respect, love, caring. Values are good or bad behavior.”
“ Dancing, playing, donkeys.”
“Respect, loyalty, honesty”
“Respect, honesty, compassion”
Q: How should you treat someone with HIV/AIDS?
A: “We give them medicine.”
“Equally”
“Taken to the hospital”
“HIV/AIDS is a disease that can kill a person.”
“If someone has HIV/AIDS I share food with him/her and cook food with him/her.”
“By playing with someone that has HIV/AIDS.”
Q: What is your biggest goal in life?
A: “It is to education because I want to know.”
That was the only answer I got. Every other child started to write the response but never answered it…only one child could answer that question.
Q: What food do you eat at home?
A: “bread”
“rice”
“bread and rice”
Q: what do you think abuse is?
A:” Abuse is when child has no mother. Dead. You can abuse for example no food or cloths.”
“Abuse is when you don’t share values with another person.”
“Abuse is when people abuse.”
“Abuse is when violate children by killing them.”
“Abuse is when you fight with others.”
“Abuse is when your moral is wrong.”
“Abuse is when people beat a child but not break a law.” (Corporal punishment is allowed in Botswana but there are restricts and laws about how often a child can be hit and how…but typically those rules are not followed…and apparently the kids are fully aware of that.)
Monday, November 9, 2009
"Prevention is better than cure"
The second meal program proposal has been turned in and officially proposed! Now, we’re just waiting to hear from all the people in the Ministry of Education and the people in charge of the food to get back to us and let us know if we will be getting aid. I spoke to the Education Secretary (which is an important title/role, its not the same role we think of when we think secretary) and he said it was a really great initiative and shows that I’m clearly working on valuable things that will show everyone outside of Metsi what is really going on in Metsi. He said that he believes that if I keep working on things like this that Metsi will be a whole different place by the time I leave. It was really nice of him to say those things and I was so glad that he responded well to the proposal. I didn’t know if I would just be laughed at and told it won’t happen…I was kind of expecting that actually. We’ll see though…we haven’t been approved yet and I have no idea how long it will take. The Education Secretary told me that they just put together the list of the few schools that are getting help for a second meal and that it didn’t occur to them to put Metsi on it, but now they will have to really look into it and all the data we gave them and he said he will write a letter to put with my proposal to really help sell the idea to all the heads. I’m excited and really hoping that it works!!! Its needs to. Behavior change in the village needs to happen, but that can be a very slow process….but in the meantime, people need to eat. I’m not a miracle worker which is why I can’t just feed the village, but I can at least try to feed the children and guarantee that they are eating. The village is going to be a bigger struggle….but with that I just wrote and turned in the request to the Ministry of Agriculture to get the school enrolled for 4B Club (the agriculture club; growing crops, plowing, poultry, bee keeping, etc…) for January. I’m hoping to get 4B out into the individual homes of the village so that people can produce food and possible money from selling the crops and honey for themselves. It’s the big picture at least.
My school is suppose to have Prize Giving this month and it’s like the equivalent to our end of the year assemblies where kids get awards for best attendance and whatnot. It’s a big deal here. The Ministry gives schools 500 pula to buy awards for the kids and to help fund whatever reception a.k.a. food that they need to get people to come. People will not come to anything in less you promise they will be fed. 500 pula is a good amount, but my school has no funds. Our fundraising really needs help and I’m trying to think of ways to get outside funding. The village/parents do not have enough money to be helping us with funds, so we need to go outside the village. Which is where maybe having the kids learn to make beads and sell them or sell the products from 4B will come in. We will get the 500 pula eventually from the ministry for the awards, but we don’t have any extra finds currently to get food to them get speakers out to the school…which is fine. We have plenty of time and I’m working on getting funding from the District AIDS Coordinators office to help with future workshops and speakers coming to the school. The teachers and I decided we would just do awards and make more awards and just spend all the money on that. It was really cool because all the teachers got together and spent the whole time trying to figure out what would be the best motivators for the kids and how we could praise them. They are really starting to do some of these life skills things on their own which is so great! We’re going to have a hygiene award and then give those kids toothpaste and tooth brushes. Most of the awards are usually plates…that’s a big thing here! We’ll still do plates I’m pretty sure but we’re going to try to do other things and I’m still fighting to find a way so that every child can get some sort of prize, even just a tiny thing.
I just got back from Maun for the GLOW (Girls and Guys Leading Our World) Camp Facilitators Training. It takes about 10 or 11 hours to drive there. I was lucky enough to get a ride with a few other volunteers and their school bus rather than having to take the public bus which is rather painful for that long of a distance. It was really nice. In December however I’ll be going even farther North to have Christmas with some friends up there and we’re planning on going to Victoria Falls for Christmas. Anyways, not the point…the training was good and a lot of fun. It was really good to see some other PCV’s that I don’t get to see very often and plan the camp. I think the camp is gonna be awesome. As facilitator’s we really are like camp counselors basically. We have night duty to watch the kids, planned camp activities from 6am to 10pm including a scavenger hunt, campfire, awards ceremony, ice social, sports, crafts, and then all the educational sessions throughout the day. As facilitators we are all leading and in charge of conducting and planning the educational sessions. Each pair (delegations) has their own topics and will present a 90 minute session on the topic to teach the kids. My topics are Human Rights & Discrimination, Goals & Values, and a Problem Solving & Decision Making Activity. We used some of the training time to start planning our sessions and figuring out what will be the best way for the kids to really learn about everything. I’m a little nervous to facilitate in front of the other leaders and the 56 children that I’m now teaching all about these things, but I think it will be fun and a really good experience for me. I’m looking forward to it….I’m going to camp! Haha I think the girls going to the camp will really love it…this is gonna be so big for them.
Maun is a really nice place! Its big and has a lot of stores and shops which is always a nice break to get some civilization around me. One night we all went out to a back packers lodge that was so beautiful and on the water…oh, I miss water so badly. We all freaked out when we saw water! It’s the little things that count…and speaking of that, my new obsession and one true love are ice cubes! Ice cubes are the single most amazing thing in the world. My house has no insulation and never gets below 90 degrees…EVER!!!! I also have no fridge, which means I have no freezer, which more importantly mean I have no cold water or ICE CUBES! What a girl wouldn’t give for some ice cubes! I’m tellin’ you! It’s just bad! I now go nuts over ice cubes or cold anything these days. I think my friends here think I’m nuts….but mostly they get it. EXCEPT, they have fridges…so maybe a little crazy. Oh well. I’m learning that more than likely I’m not going to be getting a fridge at all. I was told I would get one, it’s looking like it probably won’t happen. I’m keeping fingers crossed and fighting hard for that one though…I need ice!!!!
scary but true fact: In Botswana, 29 people become HIV+ everyday!
“The experience you create is a statement of who you are –and who you want to be.”
My school is suppose to have Prize Giving this month and it’s like the equivalent to our end of the year assemblies where kids get awards for best attendance and whatnot. It’s a big deal here. The Ministry gives schools 500 pula to buy awards for the kids and to help fund whatever reception a.k.a. food that they need to get people to come. People will not come to anything in less you promise they will be fed. 500 pula is a good amount, but my school has no funds. Our fundraising really needs help and I’m trying to think of ways to get outside funding. The village/parents do not have enough money to be helping us with funds, so we need to go outside the village. Which is where maybe having the kids learn to make beads and sell them or sell the products from 4B will come in. We will get the 500 pula eventually from the ministry for the awards, but we don’t have any extra finds currently to get food to them get speakers out to the school…which is fine. We have plenty of time and I’m working on getting funding from the District AIDS Coordinators office to help with future workshops and speakers coming to the school. The teachers and I decided we would just do awards and make more awards and just spend all the money on that. It was really cool because all the teachers got together and spent the whole time trying to figure out what would be the best motivators for the kids and how we could praise them. They are really starting to do some of these life skills things on their own which is so great! We’re going to have a hygiene award and then give those kids toothpaste and tooth brushes. Most of the awards are usually plates…that’s a big thing here! We’ll still do plates I’m pretty sure but we’re going to try to do other things and I’m still fighting to find a way so that every child can get some sort of prize, even just a tiny thing.
I just got back from Maun for the GLOW (Girls and Guys Leading Our World) Camp Facilitators Training. It takes about 10 or 11 hours to drive there. I was lucky enough to get a ride with a few other volunteers and their school bus rather than having to take the public bus which is rather painful for that long of a distance. It was really nice. In December however I’ll be going even farther North to have Christmas with some friends up there and we’re planning on going to Victoria Falls for Christmas. Anyways, not the point…the training was good and a lot of fun. It was really good to see some other PCV’s that I don’t get to see very often and plan the camp. I think the camp is gonna be awesome. As facilitator’s we really are like camp counselors basically. We have night duty to watch the kids, planned camp activities from 6am to 10pm including a scavenger hunt, campfire, awards ceremony, ice social, sports, crafts, and then all the educational sessions throughout the day. As facilitators we are all leading and in charge of conducting and planning the educational sessions. Each pair (delegations) has their own topics and will present a 90 minute session on the topic to teach the kids. My topics are Human Rights & Discrimination, Goals & Values, and a Problem Solving & Decision Making Activity. We used some of the training time to start planning our sessions and figuring out what will be the best way for the kids to really learn about everything. I’m a little nervous to facilitate in front of the other leaders and the 56 children that I’m now teaching all about these things, but I think it will be fun and a really good experience for me. I’m looking forward to it….I’m going to camp! Haha I think the girls going to the camp will really love it…this is gonna be so big for them.
Maun is a really nice place! Its big and has a lot of stores and shops which is always a nice break to get some civilization around me. One night we all went out to a back packers lodge that was so beautiful and on the water…oh, I miss water so badly. We all freaked out when we saw water! It’s the little things that count…and speaking of that, my new obsession and one true love are ice cubes! Ice cubes are the single most amazing thing in the world. My house has no insulation and never gets below 90 degrees…EVER!!!! I also have no fridge, which means I have no freezer, which more importantly mean I have no cold water or ICE CUBES! What a girl wouldn’t give for some ice cubes! I’m tellin’ you! It’s just bad! I now go nuts over ice cubes or cold anything these days. I think my friends here think I’m nuts….but mostly they get it. EXCEPT, they have fridges…so maybe a little crazy. Oh well. I’m learning that more than likely I’m not going to be getting a fridge at all. I was told I would get one, it’s looking like it probably won’t happen. I’m keeping fingers crossed and fighting hard for that one though…I need ice!!!!
scary but true fact: In Botswana, 29 people become HIV+ everyday!
“The experience you create is a statement of who you are –and who you want to be.”
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Trying to do what is neccessary...
6 months….its officially been 6 months since I got to Botswana with the PC’s…that insane. I can’t really comprehend that. Its seems like its been no time at all, but also that I’ve been here for decades….well, things have been really eventful lately. Metsi hosted the Standard 7’s Graduation/ Guidance and Counseling Seminar last week and it was a total success. It was great. All the speakers came and gave presentations to the kids about healthy living and then the standard 7 teacher and myself handed out little certificates and the awards I made to the kids. They were all really embarrassed to come up in front of the school and speakers and get their awards but they were happy. It was cute. The even lasted about 3 hours and went so well. I’m so impressed with my school and all the ppl that came. It was great. Then all the teachers and cooks cooked lunch, this huge lunch with so much food and all the standard 7’s got the special lunch too. They all ate like Kings and Queens…I think that was my favorite part of the whole day. They kids were so happy and couldn’t believe that this big of a deal was made over them. It was so cool! We spent like 7 hours the day before decorating out dining hall at school with balloons and posters that had life skills sayings on them and little posters with all the kids names on the. The place looked really good and all the teachers and staff helped with all of it. It was so great that everyone just volunteered to help and set things up. I didn’t even ask or anything.
This last week as a bit tough for me! Since I’ve been learning that the children typically don’t eat except at school and we only give them one small meal a day…that’s not enough for food. I’ve been fighting for a second meal at school and so then social worker and I spent 5 hours last Tuesday going to about 30 houses of the children all over the village to make assessments to prove that they kids aren’t getting enough food. Well, sadly, we got the info we needed. We went to each house and asked the parents how much they make, how much cattle and goest do they own, how do they make money, how many meals a day they have…etc… Typically most families eat just one small meal at dinner and that’s it. The children are sent home from school at 1-3 pm to eat lunch, but now one can afford to eat that much. Most families have no icome at all and/or are living off of the 81 pula (like 13 dollars) a month for their families of at least 6. Its horrible. It was really hard to see it all and go from house to house to find out about all the poverty and suffering. Its been a rough week. I can’t just look at that and walk away. I know I’m trying to help and I keep reminding myself of that, but its so hard and painful to see. Its hard to now know more about everyone situations cause now I have faces and names to the lack of meals and lack of money that I only heard rumors about before. I know its good because if I know then I can try to help and I’m trying not to put this all on my shoulders…but its so hard not too.
So, I’m writing a proposal to get a second meal in the school and have to type up all the data stating that the children need help and well see what happens… I really hope this works!!!!! It needs to!!!! I’m still a bit stumped with the village and trying to get them food and work. I think that everyone wants to work but I also think that there is a lot of behavioral change that needs to happen also…and so it makes me feel torn about how to help them. I don’t know yet. I have ideas, but I’m so hesitant to start them…but I guess I just need to do something. Things need to change…it just all feels so unfair.
“You must never do what feels comfortable…you much always do what is necessary!”
This last week as a bit tough for me! Since I’ve been learning that the children typically don’t eat except at school and we only give them one small meal a day…that’s not enough for food. I’ve been fighting for a second meal at school and so then social worker and I spent 5 hours last Tuesday going to about 30 houses of the children all over the village to make assessments to prove that they kids aren’t getting enough food. Well, sadly, we got the info we needed. We went to each house and asked the parents how much they make, how much cattle and goest do they own, how do they make money, how many meals a day they have…etc… Typically most families eat just one small meal at dinner and that’s it. The children are sent home from school at 1-3 pm to eat lunch, but now one can afford to eat that much. Most families have no icome at all and/or are living off of the 81 pula (like 13 dollars) a month for their families of at least 6. Its horrible. It was really hard to see it all and go from house to house to find out about all the poverty and suffering. Its been a rough week. I can’t just look at that and walk away. I know I’m trying to help and I keep reminding myself of that, but its so hard and painful to see. Its hard to now know more about everyone situations cause now I have faces and names to the lack of meals and lack of money that I only heard rumors about before. I know its good because if I know then I can try to help and I’m trying not to put this all on my shoulders…but its so hard not too.
So, I’m writing a proposal to get a second meal in the school and have to type up all the data stating that the children need help and well see what happens… I really hope this works!!!!! It needs to!!!! I’m still a bit stumped with the village and trying to get them food and work. I think that everyone wants to work but I also think that there is a lot of behavioral change that needs to happen also…and so it makes me feel torn about how to help them. I don’t know yet. I have ideas, but I’m so hesitant to start them…but I guess I just need to do something. Things need to change…it just all feels so unfair.
“You must never do what feels comfortable…you much always do what is necessary!”
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Celebration Time in Metsibotlhoko...
Metsibotlhoko Primary School is now going to Camp GLOW!!!! YAY!!!! We got accepted. 25 delegations and 14 spots and my school was choosen for one of the spots!!!! I get to take 4 girls from my school to a camp in Gabs in early December to teach them how to be peer educators. Its seems like a really cool camp filled with all things that kids should get to do like camp fires, talent shows, etc.. but then durning the day we do a bunch of activities teaching the kids all about relationships, HIV/AIDS, love, sex, etc... I'm so excited that my kids were choosen. We all had to write papers and apply! I know that at least 2 of the 4 girls that are coming have never even left Metsibotlhoko before...so this is huge! I'm working on bringing as much exposure of the world and possibilities as I can to these kids so they can really see what they can become. I'm going to Maun (way up north in Bots) from November 4-9th for a facilitators training for the camp with my school head.
Also, this coming week on the 9th we are having our first Guidance and Counselling Seminar / Standard 7 Graduation for the kids. I'm here in Gabs today trying to find spray paint and ribbon to try to make some ghetto fabulous/cheap award like things for the little graduates. I've been cutting up coke cans and using the bottoms as litle medals and are going to try to add ribbon or something to make it a little more fancy. I don't know...I'm trying. They might look horrible, but I'm going to attempt to praise these children even if it kills me. haha I'm also going to make a cake with my school head for the kids to celebrate their graduating. I have to find a way to make a cake from scratch that I can actually make taste like a cake...but I'm working on it. I have no doubt I can make it taste like cake...but look like a cake...whole different story! BUT no matter what a celebration will happen. Balloons and all...
I'm hoping the whole thing will go off well and people will actually show up! thats the hope! Fingers crossed!! OH and I think my school i gonna start an Art Club soon to let the kids have fun and maybe find a way to sell what they make, like beads and stuff to fund raise for the school.
OH! and I'm writing an article for the districts DMSAC (DAC District AIDS Coordinator) Newsletter to get my village some exposure and let the district konw all the things my village is doing!
...ok, I think thats it for now!...seriously, fingers crossed for friday though!!! :)
Also, this coming week on the 9th we are having our first Guidance and Counselling Seminar / Standard 7 Graduation for the kids. I'm here in Gabs today trying to find spray paint and ribbon to try to make some ghetto fabulous/cheap award like things for the little graduates. I've been cutting up coke cans and using the bottoms as litle medals and are going to try to add ribbon or something to make it a little more fancy. I don't know...I'm trying. They might look horrible, but I'm going to attempt to praise these children even if it kills me. haha I'm also going to make a cake with my school head for the kids to celebrate their graduating. I have to find a way to make a cake from scratch that I can actually make taste like a cake...but I'm working on it. I have no doubt I can make it taste like cake...but look like a cake...whole different story! BUT no matter what a celebration will happen. Balloons and all...
I'm hoping the whole thing will go off well and people will actually show up! thats the hope! Fingers crossed!! OH and I think my school i gonna start an Art Club soon to let the kids have fun and maybe find a way to sell what they make, like beads and stuff to fund raise for the school.
OH! and I'm writing an article for the districts DMSAC (DAC District AIDS Coordinator) Newsletter to get my village some exposure and let the district konw all the things my village is doing!
...ok, I think thats it for now!...seriously, fingers crossed for friday though!!! :)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I Will Try Again Tomorrow
I had a really shocking moment or I guess few hours I should say. It’s really crazy how I get so caught up in living here and preoccupied by the projects I’m working on and things I’m doing that I forget sometimes where I really am. The thing is, when I was in South Africa in Kurland everything hit hard because it was my first real time to see the hardships first hand and I was a visitor…I was only there a few months and knew I was leaving. In Botswana, this time around, it just feels like this is my life…cause I mean, it is. I’m here for two years I live the same as everyone else and I’m totally immersed and grassroots so I get caught up in my routine that sometimes I can’t fully see what’s next door…literally!
I finished at school this afternoon and was hanging out with the teachers when my school head asked me to come with her and the deputy head of my school and guidance counselor/standard 1 teacher and got to one of the school cook’s mother’s house because she is very ill. I agreed because I felt badly and didn’t really know how to say no to that even though I didn’t really know what to do. So, we went over to her house and to greet the family and sit and pray with the woman that was so fragile and sick and lying on a tiny thin pad on the cement floor of their house. She was so nice and very quiet and the teachers all prayed for her in Setswana and I just sat there in silence because I felt to so badly and didn’t really know how to communicate with her. I smiled a lot and she would look back at me and smile a little. Being white here is a “beautiful” thing! I kept saying to my school head that maybe I should go because I don’t this family and she is ill and may not want some random white girl in her house. I kept being told that the women and family would find it an honor if I went there. So I think that’s partly why I went. Feeling weird knowing that I did absolutely nothing yet am seen like a beautiful amazing person for walking into this sick women’s home just to smile at her….but I figured it’s the least I could do.
We left after we prayed for a bit and went back up to the school to find out that one of the children in the school is an orphan, his mother passed away a while ago but he is not registered an orphan because of the stigma that orphans often have which is that they are an orphan due to HIV. The family doesn’t want others to think the mother died of AIDS so they haven’t registered him and therefore haven’t been getting the food baskets from the government that orphans get. Its just so sad. This family is trying so hard to keep their families name clean but in turn are suffering for it.
After we tried to deal with that for a bit and are still in the process my school head, guidance counselor and one of the chiefs of my village went o a girl in my school’s house. I’m still not entirely sure what the primary reason for going was, but we quickly found out that the child has been eating. There is no food in the home and all she ate today was the little lunch that the kids all get at 11am from the school. That’s all she has eaten all day. My school head was hurt by that, I was trying so hard not to cry in front of the family. It was the final blow that just took it out of all of us. Each one of those things individually is hard and painful…it just so horrible for anyone anywhere to have to go through these things…but its just to common here in a way. People are upset by death but it happens a lot. People have learned how to laugh anyway and move on. Which is good, but it just feels quicker than I’ve ever seen before. Children lose their parents, its awful, but there are so many orphans here….so many…too many! AND the kids aren’t eating…certainly not regularly and sometimes not at all. I couldn’t believe it! It was that moment that shoved me back into my “place” in life. Yes, I’m grassroots….but not really. Not to that extent. Living without electricity and running water is hard and a big adjustment for me….but I have never had to go a day without eating if I didn’t want too…that’s a pain that I can see these people and children, but I don’t really know what that feels like.
I just kept looking at the girl as everyone kept talking in front of here about how the family and girl can’t eat and I started realizing that since I have been here, for months now, I have never seen that girl smile. Not once! I started to tear up as I was sitting there, I had to look away from her to keep myself from crying at her house. It makes me feel so selfish and just horrible for them. I went home and I hadn’t eaten that much that day and needed to make dinner but I couldn’t do it. Every time I went to try to make food I started to cry. I couldn’t eat if she wasn’t going to…I couldn’t do it. I felt sick over the idea of any of it. I felt so selfish going back to my real bed that and not a blanket on the cement floor. Its those moments when life slaps you in the face with the realities around you that it’s the worst feeling in the world, but also reminds me why here. I’m going to start that breakfast program if it kills me! I’m going to help this village anyway I can and do everything I can. As much as I want to run like hell, and cry all the way home, I have to make this work. I have to do something!!!
On a little lighter note, cause all of this is just sad! English Club started this week! It’s cool! The schedule is that I do it from 3-4 pm which is study time with the STD 2 and 3’s on Monday, STD 4 and 5’s on Tuesday, STD 6 and 7’s on Thursday, and then from 1-2pm on Friday for the little STD 1’s. Last week with all the classes we played “Simon Says” and then with the older kids we played “Guess the Animal” which all the kids have to act out or describe an animal and the class guesses. All of the classes are still really quiet and shy because they just don’t totally know what to do or think of me and I think I really shy with their English ability which makes sense. It’ll get better. Then with all the classes I had the kids all draw a self portrait and then write 3 things they either like about themselves, or think they are good at, or want to improve on. Obviously the younger kids got less writing and the older ones had to do all of it. It was really cute to see all the little crayon drawings and see the kids write that they like themselves or apples or math, or the shoes, etc… it was really sweet! The drawings are adorable!!!! It’s the first time those crayons have ever been used in the school I’m pretty sure. They all worked so hard on their drawings and tried to make them look so perfect. I told one child that their picture was amazing and he did a good job and after that every one of them lined up to show me their pictures in hopes I would say it to them too…which I did and then they would run off giggling. Praise is not really done here in Botswana…really not at all. The kids fine it so crazy when I give them praise for anything, but they love it.
Also, the kids and some of the villagers started plowing and clearing out garden plots so that we can start 4B soon and start getting the kids excited about it. Those kids worked so hard shoveling and clearing land it was amazing! I’m going to start working harder than ever on the food program now. OH! And also my school head and I made the official invitations for the STD 7’s farewell (graduation) and also guidance and counseling seminar. We’re asking people to come in for a career fair on October 9th. That’s the STD 7’s final examination day. In Jan they will all go off to Junior Secondary School in another village about 80K away. They’ll be at boarding school. We’re asking the police commissioner, District AIDS Coordinator, Guidance Counselor for their new school, social worker, and educational officer to come and talk to the kids and tell them what they know about their jobs and life and whatnot. I think it will be good and then I’m going to make a cake for the kids and also teach my school head how to make a cake. Its too expensive to buy a cake but I want these kids to get some sort of “good job” out of this whole thing. We’ll see how it goes! It’ll be good!
“Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’” -Mary Anne Radmacher
I finished at school this afternoon and was hanging out with the teachers when my school head asked me to come with her and the deputy head of my school and guidance counselor/standard 1 teacher and got to one of the school cook’s mother’s house because she is very ill. I agreed because I felt badly and didn’t really know how to say no to that even though I didn’t really know what to do. So, we went over to her house and to greet the family and sit and pray with the woman that was so fragile and sick and lying on a tiny thin pad on the cement floor of their house. She was so nice and very quiet and the teachers all prayed for her in Setswana and I just sat there in silence because I felt to so badly and didn’t really know how to communicate with her. I smiled a lot and she would look back at me and smile a little. Being white here is a “beautiful” thing! I kept saying to my school head that maybe I should go because I don’t this family and she is ill and may not want some random white girl in her house. I kept being told that the women and family would find it an honor if I went there. So I think that’s partly why I went. Feeling weird knowing that I did absolutely nothing yet am seen like a beautiful amazing person for walking into this sick women’s home just to smile at her….but I figured it’s the least I could do.
We left after we prayed for a bit and went back up to the school to find out that one of the children in the school is an orphan, his mother passed away a while ago but he is not registered an orphan because of the stigma that orphans often have which is that they are an orphan due to HIV. The family doesn’t want others to think the mother died of AIDS so they haven’t registered him and therefore haven’t been getting the food baskets from the government that orphans get. Its just so sad. This family is trying so hard to keep their families name clean but in turn are suffering for it.
After we tried to deal with that for a bit and are still in the process my school head, guidance counselor and one of the chiefs of my village went o a girl in my school’s house. I’m still not entirely sure what the primary reason for going was, but we quickly found out that the child has been eating. There is no food in the home and all she ate today was the little lunch that the kids all get at 11am from the school. That’s all she has eaten all day. My school head was hurt by that, I was trying so hard not to cry in front of the family. It was the final blow that just took it out of all of us. Each one of those things individually is hard and painful…it just so horrible for anyone anywhere to have to go through these things…but its just to common here in a way. People are upset by death but it happens a lot. People have learned how to laugh anyway and move on. Which is good, but it just feels quicker than I’ve ever seen before. Children lose their parents, its awful, but there are so many orphans here….so many…too many! AND the kids aren’t eating…certainly not regularly and sometimes not at all. I couldn’t believe it! It was that moment that shoved me back into my “place” in life. Yes, I’m grassroots….but not really. Not to that extent. Living without electricity and running water is hard and a big adjustment for me….but I have never had to go a day without eating if I didn’t want too…that’s a pain that I can see these people and children, but I don’t really know what that feels like.
I just kept looking at the girl as everyone kept talking in front of here about how the family and girl can’t eat and I started realizing that since I have been here, for months now, I have never seen that girl smile. Not once! I started to tear up as I was sitting there, I had to look away from her to keep myself from crying at her house. It makes me feel so selfish and just horrible for them. I went home and I hadn’t eaten that much that day and needed to make dinner but I couldn’t do it. Every time I went to try to make food I started to cry. I couldn’t eat if she wasn’t going to…I couldn’t do it. I felt sick over the idea of any of it. I felt so selfish going back to my real bed that and not a blanket on the cement floor. Its those moments when life slaps you in the face with the realities around you that it’s the worst feeling in the world, but also reminds me why here. I’m going to start that breakfast program if it kills me! I’m going to help this village anyway I can and do everything I can. As much as I want to run like hell, and cry all the way home, I have to make this work. I have to do something!!!
On a little lighter note, cause all of this is just sad! English Club started this week! It’s cool! The schedule is that I do it from 3-4 pm which is study time with the STD 2 and 3’s on Monday, STD 4 and 5’s on Tuesday, STD 6 and 7’s on Thursday, and then from 1-2pm on Friday for the little STD 1’s. Last week with all the classes we played “Simon Says” and then with the older kids we played “Guess the Animal” which all the kids have to act out or describe an animal and the class guesses. All of the classes are still really quiet and shy because they just don’t totally know what to do or think of me and I think I really shy with their English ability which makes sense. It’ll get better. Then with all the classes I had the kids all draw a self portrait and then write 3 things they either like about themselves, or think they are good at, or want to improve on. Obviously the younger kids got less writing and the older ones had to do all of it. It was really cute to see all the little crayon drawings and see the kids write that they like themselves or apples or math, or the shoes, etc… it was really sweet! The drawings are adorable!!!! It’s the first time those crayons have ever been used in the school I’m pretty sure. They all worked so hard on their drawings and tried to make them look so perfect. I told one child that their picture was amazing and he did a good job and after that every one of them lined up to show me their pictures in hopes I would say it to them too…which I did and then they would run off giggling. Praise is not really done here in Botswana…really not at all. The kids fine it so crazy when I give them praise for anything, but they love it.
Also, the kids and some of the villagers started plowing and clearing out garden plots so that we can start 4B soon and start getting the kids excited about it. Those kids worked so hard shoveling and clearing land it was amazing! I’m going to start working harder than ever on the food program now. OH! And also my school head and I made the official invitations for the STD 7’s farewell (graduation) and also guidance and counseling seminar. We’re asking people to come in for a career fair on October 9th. That’s the STD 7’s final examination day. In Jan they will all go off to Junior Secondary School in another village about 80K away. They’ll be at boarding school. We’re asking the police commissioner, District AIDS Coordinator, Guidance Counselor for their new school, social worker, and educational officer to come and talk to the kids and tell them what they know about their jobs and life and whatnot. I think it will be good and then I’m going to make a cake for the kids and also teach my school head how to make a cake. Its too expensive to buy a cake but I want these kids to get some sort of “good job” out of this whole thing. We’ll see how it goes! It’ll be good!
“Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’” -Mary Anne Radmacher
Monday, September 14, 2009
I saw a shooting star last night
OK, so I started working…like really working this last week and getting things started in my village or at least starting to get things started. Anyways, I went to the Ministry of Agriculture early last week to talk about staring a 4B club in my school and they gave me some pamphlets and basically told me to go to Moleps to talk to the District Coordinator for Crops Production to actually get started and get the information that I need. Helpful and not all at the same time…so that’s where I am now. I just finished my meeting with Mma Moruisi and she was so nice and helpful. She is really interested it getting it all going and is going to come and do a site visit hopefully in October to see the school and talk to everyone about the project. Enrollment for the club happens in January so I’ll enroll then. Now, I have to go and talk to the agricultural demonstrator that is a bit closer to me and the district offices in Letlhakeng to get there help and support. Also, have to find teachers or parents to get them on board so they can help facilitate, find garden space, work on making fertilizer so that the plants will actually grow, fundraise with the school, and I’m thinking of trying some mini plant project with the kids so they can have like little practice runs with it all. Ok, gotta breathe now. haha
Last week I sent in all the forms and papers to get to get 4 of my older students (12-14) into a camp called Camp GLOW (Girls and guys Leading our World). The camp is a weeklong and in gabs. These kids have never done anything like that and a few of them have never even left metsi before…so needless to say this camp I think would be amazing exposure to my kids and help them see the possibilities so much more. I have often asked my students what do they want to do when they get older and most of them don’t tell me anything….they don’t know. They haven’t been exposed to a lot and really don’t know what their options are or what they could be one day. I’m going to try to get people to come to my village and have talks with the kids about their occupations…like show and tell of careers kind of if possible. I want these kids to know they can be anything they want to be and that there are people in Botswana that are a testament to that…these kids need hope and to know anything is possible.
Anyways, total tangent….but Camp GLOW is something that the kids have to qualify for and after writing papers from myself, the school head, the deputy head, and the 4 students pleading to go, I’m hoping that we will be asked to come. The camp seems like it would be so amazing for these kids. Its 7 days in Gabs with kids from all over the Country that go and they spend the week talking about HIV/AIDS, relationships, sex, love, life, family, marriage, etc…but then doing fun kid things like ice cream socials, campfires, scavenger hunts, movies, talents shows, etc… I so hope my kids get to go. Not only would be it exposure and meeting new people and experiencing new thing, but they would get to be kids too…that doesn’t happen a lot here! The parents had to sign consent to let their kids go if we get picked and they seem excited about it…the kids have never done anything like this before. We’ll see what happens…I’ll find out by October 1st if the kids get to go or not! Fingers crossed!
So that was last week! This week I’m going back to my village today to take back the information about 4B and talk to the social worker, school head, and teachers about it to get things going. Also, I’m gonna work on trying to get a breakfast program going as aid from the government for my school because the kids need to eat and from my understanding that’s a bit of an issue and its not happening currently. Also, I’m looking in to getting “Prize Giving Day” going at my school for the end of Term 3 which is ending at the end of November. Prize day is the a day that at the end of each term the teachers give out awards for the best grades for the kids in the school and the parents are suppose to come and see what the kids and have done in school and so on…basically, “open house” but with awards. Well that hasn’t really been happening…but it is now! Haha I’ve been talking to the school head and teachers and were doing it! End of November the kids will get there awards, but I’m trying to make this year a bit different…rather then giving the good grade awards to like the same 5 kids all the time were going to add different awards…like most improved, best smile, mot willing to help…that sort of thing. AND I told my school head that not one child should leave without getting some sort of award or recognition. Everyone leaves with something! Everyone deserves something! So, I think I’m gonna ask the teachers to basically name one special thing about each child and then that will be that’s child’s award! So if someone has really nice hair or pretty shoes….they’re getting an award for it!!!! Everyone leaves knowing that there is something good about them…it needs to happen!
Last week I sent in all the forms and papers to get to get 4 of my older students (12-14) into a camp called Camp GLOW (Girls and guys Leading our World). The camp is a weeklong and in gabs. These kids have never done anything like that and a few of them have never even left metsi before…so needless to say this camp I think would be amazing exposure to my kids and help them see the possibilities so much more. I have often asked my students what do they want to do when they get older and most of them don’t tell me anything….they don’t know. They haven’t been exposed to a lot and really don’t know what their options are or what they could be one day. I’m going to try to get people to come to my village and have talks with the kids about their occupations…like show and tell of careers kind of if possible. I want these kids to know they can be anything they want to be and that there are people in Botswana that are a testament to that…these kids need hope and to know anything is possible.
Anyways, total tangent….but Camp GLOW is something that the kids have to qualify for and after writing papers from myself, the school head, the deputy head, and the 4 students pleading to go, I’m hoping that we will be asked to come. The camp seems like it would be so amazing for these kids. Its 7 days in Gabs with kids from all over the Country that go and they spend the week talking about HIV/AIDS, relationships, sex, love, life, family, marriage, etc…but then doing fun kid things like ice cream socials, campfires, scavenger hunts, movies, talents shows, etc… I so hope my kids get to go. Not only would be it exposure and meeting new people and experiencing new thing, but they would get to be kids too…that doesn’t happen a lot here! The parents had to sign consent to let their kids go if we get picked and they seem excited about it…the kids have never done anything like this before. We’ll see what happens…I’ll find out by October 1st if the kids get to go or not! Fingers crossed!
So that was last week! This week I’m going back to my village today to take back the information about 4B and talk to the social worker, school head, and teachers about it to get things going. Also, I’m gonna work on trying to get a breakfast program going as aid from the government for my school because the kids need to eat and from my understanding that’s a bit of an issue and its not happening currently. Also, I’m looking in to getting “Prize Giving Day” going at my school for the end of Term 3 which is ending at the end of November. Prize day is the a day that at the end of each term the teachers give out awards for the best grades for the kids in the school and the parents are suppose to come and see what the kids and have done in school and so on…basically, “open house” but with awards. Well that hasn’t really been happening…but it is now! Haha I’ve been talking to the school head and teachers and were doing it! End of November the kids will get there awards, but I’m trying to make this year a bit different…rather then giving the good grade awards to like the same 5 kids all the time were going to add different awards…like most improved, best smile, mot willing to help…that sort of thing. AND I told my school head that not one child should leave without getting some sort of award or recognition. Everyone leaves with something! Everyone deserves something! So, I think I’m gonna ask the teachers to basically name one special thing about each child and then that will be that’s child’s award! So if someone has really nice hair or pretty shoes….they’re getting an award for it!!!! Everyone leaves knowing that there is something good about them…it needs to happen!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I'm so Macgyver!!!
So seeing as how its becoming 800 degress here with no transition in sight from winter to summer...and I still dont have a refridegerator and my house seems to be its own oven....I made my own fridge! I rigged up fridge and a shower....thats right....I had a semi decent shower in my own house yesterday and then followed it by drinking some "trying to be cold" water....but the water was colder then it would have been without my little fridge. I'm so proud! I'm sickeningly impressed with myself...I am Macgyver!!!!! Heck yes!!!!
However, we'll see if it actually stayss up or still works when it hit 900 degress...but still...I needed to brag a little.
Next project....have to rig up my own cloths line...cause currently I have put up a line that just strecths from one side of my house to the other (if that gives you any idea as to how small my place is...haha BUT I think it would be better outside.
However, we'll see if it actually stayss up or still works when it hit 900 degress...but still...I needed to brag a little.
Next project....have to rig up my own cloths line...cause currently I have put up a line that just strecths from one side of my house to the other (if that gives you any idea as to how small my place is...haha BUT I think it would be better outside.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Rome wasn't built in a day...
I’ve spent the last few weeks in Gabs at IST (In-Service Training) which was so great to spend 2 weeks hanging out with all of my friends and having us all back together to talk about our sites and what we’ve been doing. I will say that as much as I love everyone I think possibly my absolute favorite part was showering! Haha I’ve forgotten just how fantastic showering is and having electricity. Not having to worry about where and when I can charge my phone and having to plan out every little detail of where is the electricity and water and when…was such a nice break. It was cool to hear about everyone’s site and how everyone has been doing. We have now lost 5 people from our group. I left because of safety and security issues, 2 left because they decided PC’s just wasn’t right for them and wanted to do other things, and now 2 have been medically separated.
It was really sad and is an adjustment for me cause one of the people that were medically separated lived pretty close to be and has become a really big source of support and laughter…and I found out last week that she was leaving. Its going to be a bit weird and hard to go back to my site…which I’m doing today and not go grocery shopping with her or hang out. It really blows…one more thing to adjust to I guess….or I’m trying to look at it as that she got me through some really tough times and now it’s my turn to do it on my own. I don’t know. I’m determined to stay positive even though I don’t really feel like I want to. Haha Peggy, my Country Director knew that we were close and that my friend kept asking for me so Peggy asked me to pack up my friends house on Monday and then drive with the PC’s driver to Pretoria, South Africa where she is staying with her stuff to see her. I was sad to go because a part of me doesn’t want to say goodbye, but I felt that I should so I did. The driver, Meshack and I drove for 14 hours in one day to and from SA but I didn’t even get to see my friend. The PC’s forgot to inform her that I was coming so she was off exploring Pretoria and no one could get a hold of her….so I went all that way and didn’t even see her. It was really disappointing!!! The drive did however reaffirm my belief that SA is a gorgeous country, absolutely beautiful! Part of the country side in SA actually reminds me of Vermont a bit…its weird, but cool and parts of Pretoria remind me a bit of Vancouver BC…not exactly, but a little…I love South Africa!!!!
Training was good, it was more directed towards our sites and specific jobs then Pre-Service Training was so it was good to learn more about the schools, clubs, laws of corporal punishment, grant writing, volunteerism, Botswana traditions, etc… I defiantly had a few realization moments about my village and being here in the PC’s which were I think good to have but still bit hard to take in. We learned a lot about Grant Writing and how to get funding for projects in our villages in which I really learned that you need an NGO in your village to get the funding…which I don’t have. Its not impossible, but really hard which was discouraging. However, more discouraging for me was the realization after talking to lots of staff members and current volunteers that because my village has never had a volunteer, is remote, has no resources in it and nothing formed or started…my 2 years is seen as just being the stepping stone so that someone later can come and really make things happen. Which I think is true and not all at the same time. I think that clearly my past goal of showing up to Botswana and riding all of Africa of HIV/AIDS and poverty….probably isn’t gonna happen. Hahaha I defiantly need to tone that down a bit...but I do think that some things can happen. My school has no guidance and Counseling program which it is supposed to happen, so I think it will be really hard, but that can be formed. I think that I can work to form clubs that are needed. I have no idea if I will be able to get some sort of livelihood for the village going…but I’m learning through this process that Networking is everything! I’ve been talking to my friend Max from back home and he is an amazing help and helping me figure out “Permaculture” which is a more sustainable way for agriculture to thrive and I’m hoping to start that in my village. Granted I know nothing about that, but that’s where networking and of course my lovely Max comes in. haha
I think that things will happen while I’m there, but I do agree a bit with the idea that I more than likely won’t see the outcomes of those things in my 2 years…which as much as I hate to admit is a bit difficult to really think about. I mean, we all come here and want to help facilitate change for the better to help people and we all give up so much of ourselves and lives to do it and then to feel like we won’t see the products of all our work is hard to think about. However, at the end of the we all came here to help others…not to do whatever we feel like doing…its not about us in a way…its suppose to be about the people that we came here to help. So, in the long run as long as we are helping then if we see the outcomes or not…we did do something. I don’t totally know if that makes sense….I’m tired and rambling. Haha
People keep reminding me that its about the village and the people and what they need…its not about what I would rather be doing or starting in my village. If my village needs food and I don’t know much about agriculture, then I need to figure that out….cause its what they need. Perspectives are so different though. People back home tell me to just stick to helping people and do what right for my village and for the people…but then the people I’m around in Botswana are constantly saying to just do what makes you happy and then everything will work out. Personally, I think that there should be some common ground between the two and I’m gonna try to walk on that for awhile…
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell
It was really sad and is an adjustment for me cause one of the people that were medically separated lived pretty close to be and has become a really big source of support and laughter…and I found out last week that she was leaving. Its going to be a bit weird and hard to go back to my site…which I’m doing today and not go grocery shopping with her or hang out. It really blows…one more thing to adjust to I guess….or I’m trying to look at it as that she got me through some really tough times and now it’s my turn to do it on my own. I don’t know. I’m determined to stay positive even though I don’t really feel like I want to. Haha Peggy, my Country Director knew that we were close and that my friend kept asking for me so Peggy asked me to pack up my friends house on Monday and then drive with the PC’s driver to Pretoria, South Africa where she is staying with her stuff to see her. I was sad to go because a part of me doesn’t want to say goodbye, but I felt that I should so I did. The driver, Meshack and I drove for 14 hours in one day to and from SA but I didn’t even get to see my friend. The PC’s forgot to inform her that I was coming so she was off exploring Pretoria and no one could get a hold of her….so I went all that way and didn’t even see her. It was really disappointing!!! The drive did however reaffirm my belief that SA is a gorgeous country, absolutely beautiful! Part of the country side in SA actually reminds me of Vermont a bit…its weird, but cool and parts of Pretoria remind me a bit of Vancouver BC…not exactly, but a little…I love South Africa!!!!
Training was good, it was more directed towards our sites and specific jobs then Pre-Service Training was so it was good to learn more about the schools, clubs, laws of corporal punishment, grant writing, volunteerism, Botswana traditions, etc… I defiantly had a few realization moments about my village and being here in the PC’s which were I think good to have but still bit hard to take in. We learned a lot about Grant Writing and how to get funding for projects in our villages in which I really learned that you need an NGO in your village to get the funding…which I don’t have. Its not impossible, but really hard which was discouraging. However, more discouraging for me was the realization after talking to lots of staff members and current volunteers that because my village has never had a volunteer, is remote, has no resources in it and nothing formed or started…my 2 years is seen as just being the stepping stone so that someone later can come and really make things happen. Which I think is true and not all at the same time. I think that clearly my past goal of showing up to Botswana and riding all of Africa of HIV/AIDS and poverty….probably isn’t gonna happen. Hahaha I defiantly need to tone that down a bit...but I do think that some things can happen. My school has no guidance and Counseling program which it is supposed to happen, so I think it will be really hard, but that can be formed. I think that I can work to form clubs that are needed. I have no idea if I will be able to get some sort of livelihood for the village going…but I’m learning through this process that Networking is everything! I’ve been talking to my friend Max from back home and he is an amazing help and helping me figure out “Permaculture” which is a more sustainable way for agriculture to thrive and I’m hoping to start that in my village. Granted I know nothing about that, but that’s where networking and of course my lovely Max comes in. haha
I think that things will happen while I’m there, but I do agree a bit with the idea that I more than likely won’t see the outcomes of those things in my 2 years…which as much as I hate to admit is a bit difficult to really think about. I mean, we all come here and want to help facilitate change for the better to help people and we all give up so much of ourselves and lives to do it and then to feel like we won’t see the products of all our work is hard to think about. However, at the end of the we all came here to help others…not to do whatever we feel like doing…its not about us in a way…its suppose to be about the people that we came here to help. So, in the long run as long as we are helping then if we see the outcomes or not…we did do something. I don’t totally know if that makes sense….I’m tired and rambling. Haha
People keep reminding me that its about the village and the people and what they need…its not about what I would rather be doing or starting in my village. If my village needs food and I don’t know much about agriculture, then I need to figure that out….cause its what they need. Perspectives are so different though. People back home tell me to just stick to helping people and do what right for my village and for the people…but then the people I’m around in Botswana are constantly saying to just do what makes you happy and then everything will work out. Personally, I think that there should be some common ground between the two and I’m gonna try to walk on that for awhile…
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
"Africa is..."
I’ve spent the last few weeks walking around my village, hanging out with the kids in my village, seeing their homes and getting to feel a bit more comfortable and slowly settling in. I had an interview with my village’s nurse who gave me all the stats in Metsi and filled me in a bit on the HIV/AIDS situation and other clinical issues in the village. It was good to find out more about what needs to change and what I can maybe work on while I’m here. It was a little daunting while I was watching the nurse flip through here record books which are basically journals that they just hand write in and each patient has a page. She was counting up how many people in my village are HIV positive and as she was passing by each page right in front of me, about every ten pages or so as she was counting she would hit a page that had written in big bold letter, “DEAD” on it. It was pretty eye opening. I mean, I hadn’t met any of these people that had died and didn’t know who they were, no personal attachment, but it makes me think a lot about what that book or records is really about. It’s a book all of people in my community that are HIV positive. Its scary to think about. There are wonderful things happening with treatment and people certainly can and do live happy healthy lives even though they are HIV positive, but typically that those people will still probably die younger than they would if they didn’t have HIV. It was just intense to see and realize that while I can’t stop HIV/AIDS, I am here to help it and help these people.
I’ve had meetings with the village chief, the elders, and the social worker of my village and I learned a lot about Metsibotlhoko. I can now say that according to the census done in 2001 (and there won’t be another one done until 2011), my little village has 355 people in it. IN THE WHOLE VILLAGE….355 PEOPLE!!! Oh my lord! HAHAHA There was about 4 times that just in my high school. The social worker, named David, says that he thinks its more like 500 or 600 by now…but that’s not confirmed. However, I guess its good to be smaller. In theory I’ll get to know people better with less people. So that’s a plus. Learning Sekgalahadi is a bit of an issue and very slow going but people are pretty nice about it and laugh at me, but smile and seem to like that I’m trying. There are large number of families that are registered “destitute” with the government, meaning that they receive one food basket a month pure family and about 100 pula cash for any possible expenses. 100 pula is about 15 dollars American. Its something but its not much. Just to get a ride out of my village is 6 pula for 1 person. So just for one person to get I and out and not even go very far, only about 12 miles would be 12 pula. That’s a lot of the 100 pula already gone for not even going very far or getting much. Its hard! There are a few registered orphans and a lot of “Needy” children. A lot of children that are orphans are taken in by other family members, so then they aren’t considered orphans anymore. So a lot of children are “orphaned,” but not considered so legally.
Talking to the social worker made me realize that there are a lot of programs that are supposed to be going on at the school but they aren’t...so that’s where I come in apparently. David told me about a program called 4B, which is basically like our 4H in America, but here its all agriculture! Basically the kids all year work on plowing and growing food and then can use that food for their families and also put it fairs and competitions. So I’m going to try to start that up in the next few months. I have no idea how to do any of that, but I guess I’ll learn. There are other programs such as “Circles of Support” which is to help HIV positive students deal and feel supported by others about their status. From my understanding, the percentage of HIV positive students is pretty low, but everyone is affected by it. Everyone knows a family member or friend that either has HIV or has already passed away from it. Unfortunately it’s hit that many people in Botswana that everyone has felt the effects of it somehow. So, I’ll probably start Circles of Support too. There are a few other programs that I need to start as well, but I haven’t learned as much about them yet. The biggest issue that I have learned that my village struggles with is poverty and lack of income and food.
When I had my meeting with my Kgosi (chief of the village) and the elders they told me that the people in the village rely on the “Drought Leave” program for possible temporary income. Its what they call “piece jobs” here which is that at random times for a short amount of time I job might come up that people can sign up for and get a little bit of money for a short time. Like a road might need to be paved or a bulding built so people will be given 300 pula for 30 days of work…and then that’s it. Then people don’t know when they next job might come. Most people have no money and little food. A lot of the kids don; have shoes or cloths without holes in them. People are struggling to eat and to get what they need. The Kgosi stressed the importance for me to get a business started in the village so that some sort of income can be in the village and people can eat regularly. I’m nervous about that because I don’t know how to start a business or how to get a sustainable source of income for my village, but I’ve learned that it needs to be my secondary project. It is what is most needed here. I have a few ideas so I’m going to try to think of more and talk to more people about what they think and what seems plausible…and we’ll see what happens.
“…often faced with two choices: turn away from the reality of Africa’s intimidating complexity, or conquer the mystery of Africa by recognizing the humanity of Africa’s people.”
“Every time you say ‘Africa is…’ the words crumble and break. From every generalization you must exclude at least 5 countries.”
“I believe that to change the world you had to go there, live with the poorest and change their lives.”
I’ve had meetings with the village chief, the elders, and the social worker of my village and I learned a lot about Metsibotlhoko. I can now say that according to the census done in 2001 (and there won’t be another one done until 2011), my little village has 355 people in it. IN THE WHOLE VILLAGE….355 PEOPLE!!! Oh my lord! HAHAHA There was about 4 times that just in my high school. The social worker, named David, says that he thinks its more like 500 or 600 by now…but that’s not confirmed. However, I guess its good to be smaller. In theory I’ll get to know people better with less people. So that’s a plus. Learning Sekgalahadi is a bit of an issue and very slow going but people are pretty nice about it and laugh at me, but smile and seem to like that I’m trying. There are large number of families that are registered “destitute” with the government, meaning that they receive one food basket a month pure family and about 100 pula cash for any possible expenses. 100 pula is about 15 dollars American. Its something but its not much. Just to get a ride out of my village is 6 pula for 1 person. So just for one person to get I and out and not even go very far, only about 12 miles would be 12 pula. That’s a lot of the 100 pula already gone for not even going very far or getting much. Its hard! There are a few registered orphans and a lot of “Needy” children. A lot of children that are orphans are taken in by other family members, so then they aren’t considered orphans anymore. So a lot of children are “orphaned,” but not considered so legally.
Talking to the social worker made me realize that there are a lot of programs that are supposed to be going on at the school but they aren’t...so that’s where I come in apparently. David told me about a program called 4B, which is basically like our 4H in America, but here its all agriculture! Basically the kids all year work on plowing and growing food and then can use that food for their families and also put it fairs and competitions. So I’m going to try to start that up in the next few months. I have no idea how to do any of that, but I guess I’ll learn. There are other programs such as “Circles of Support” which is to help HIV positive students deal and feel supported by others about their status. From my understanding, the percentage of HIV positive students is pretty low, but everyone is affected by it. Everyone knows a family member or friend that either has HIV or has already passed away from it. Unfortunately it’s hit that many people in Botswana that everyone has felt the effects of it somehow. So, I’ll probably start Circles of Support too. There are a few other programs that I need to start as well, but I haven’t learned as much about them yet. The biggest issue that I have learned that my village struggles with is poverty and lack of income and food.
When I had my meeting with my Kgosi (chief of the village) and the elders they told me that the people in the village rely on the “Drought Leave” program for possible temporary income. Its what they call “piece jobs” here which is that at random times for a short amount of time I job might come up that people can sign up for and get a little bit of money for a short time. Like a road might need to be paved or a bulding built so people will be given 300 pula for 30 days of work…and then that’s it. Then people don’t know when they next job might come. Most people have no money and little food. A lot of the kids don; have shoes or cloths without holes in them. People are struggling to eat and to get what they need. The Kgosi stressed the importance for me to get a business started in the village so that some sort of income can be in the village and people can eat regularly. I’m nervous about that because I don’t know how to start a business or how to get a sustainable source of income for my village, but I’ve learned that it needs to be my secondary project. It is what is most needed here. I have a few ideas so I’m going to try to think of more and talk to more people about what they think and what seems plausible…and we’ll see what happens.
“…often faced with two choices: turn away from the reality of Africa’s intimidating complexity, or conquer the mystery of Africa by recognizing the humanity of Africa’s people.”
“Every time you say ‘Africa is…’ the words crumble and break. From every generalization you must exclude at least 5 countries.”
“I believe that to change the world you had to go there, live with the poorest and change their lives.”
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Happiness is a destination, not a journey...
I figured out transport!!!! To most people that wouldn’t be as exciting as it is to me…but it really is exciting!!!! I can get in and out of my village now all by myself!! It’s amazing!!! I figured out the Khombi’s and buses and can get places when I want to…well in theory! It’s still me sitting by the side of the road at many different times a day and sometimes for hours at a time waitiing for something to show up….but at least now when I sit by the road for hours I really am pretty sure that something will show. It’s very exciting!!!!! HAHA The Khombi is the only way in my village. Buses don’t come into my village, they only stay on the main tar road which is around 10-20 miles from my village. I really don’t know how much but I know its really far!!! So, I have to go to Letlhakeng and catch a Khombi which from my current understanding, there is only ONE khombi! Which means I sit and wait A LOT and that if that one guy decides not to go to work that day…then I’m screwed! Which might I add does happen. I’m learning how to be OK with Botswana/Africa time and be OK with the idea that just because you want to do something that day or even need to do something that day…it doesn’t necessarily mean you get to.
I make plans and walk out to the bus stop by my house (yes, there is a bus stop sign, even though there are NO buses) and I walk out and immediately get a ride. Sometimes I sit there for hours just to end up never getting one. Its all just luck or fate or destiny or just the way the world works…I don’t really know. BUT oh my gosh….I am so freakishly excited when I hear a car coming!!! I’m slowly getting the hang of things and feeling more comfortable with my house and neighbors and everything! Its an extremely slow process and some days are great and some just kind of suck….but it’s like one of friends said to me the other day when I was having a hard time. “It’s important to really reassess why you’re here and why you wanted to do this in the first place and make sure that you’re getting out of this experience what you hoped. If you’re not then you shouldn’t be wasting your time or being upset for no reason.” So I did and I’m still here. Its been a struggle and already just in the last 3 months I feel like I have had more emotional, personal, physical challenges put upon me than ever before. Honestly, I’m glad for it! Now, don’t quote me on that when I’m having a bad day, cause I won’t listen and I’ll deny I ever said it….but I am glad to be learning this much about myself and seeing what I’m really capable of and also, really figuring out what I want out of life and how I can get it. I don’t think that anything that you truly want comes very easily. I think if you really want something than you have to fight for it and test yourself to makes sure that you can handle what you’re wanting for when you do get it. I don’t know if I’m totally making sense. I guess my point is that if I want to go and work for organizations that help people around the world…than I need to see the world and meet some of those people! However, I will say that becoming an actual adult and being thrown into all of this so fast…I do feel a bit freaked and as if I may have missed a few steps of transition in between. Like I may have jumped the gun a bit and put myself into a tougher situation then I can handle or are capable of handling. I’ve had a lot of doubts about that lately. It’s hard. I’m trying though…
To be able to really be a good and empathetic person, especially for people that I’m hoping to help one day, than I should really know how others live and what it feels like to sit out at the road for hours not knowing if you’ll ever get anywhere. I mean, I’m still very lucky and I know that while I’m living at grass roots I still have the things I need. Its interesting though cause what I have still is a lot less than the people around me. The teachers at my school have a bigger income than I do. I have enough to get what I need, but that’s really about it. It’s funny because the people I work with have more money than I do and even nicer houses than I do…and honestly, wear nicer cloths than I do. However, because I come from America and I’m white….everyone assumes that I’m living very nicely. People always tell me that I’m rich. They don’t ask if I am…they tell me I am. I always say that not, because well I’m not. I have no money saved or anything at home currently, so by American standards I’m not rich AT ALL. By Botswana standards, I am very wealthy. What I’ve realized is that when people here do think of me they think of money but, I think more than money, I’m looked at as rich in opportunity. I’m wealthy with possibilities and opportunities. The mere fact that I have been on an airplane just to get here is something that the majority of people here have not done and more than likely will never do. I sit around and plan what trips I might want to take or grad schools I might attend in 2 years when I go back to America while most around me are planning how they will eat tonight. When I really stop and think about it and compare my worlds…the one I was in a few months ago to the one I’m in now, because they do seem like completely different worlds….I have nothing to complain about!
I make plans and walk out to the bus stop by my house (yes, there is a bus stop sign, even though there are NO buses) and I walk out and immediately get a ride. Sometimes I sit there for hours just to end up never getting one. Its all just luck or fate or destiny or just the way the world works…I don’t really know. BUT oh my gosh….I am so freakishly excited when I hear a car coming!!! I’m slowly getting the hang of things and feeling more comfortable with my house and neighbors and everything! Its an extremely slow process and some days are great and some just kind of suck….but it’s like one of friends said to me the other day when I was having a hard time. “It’s important to really reassess why you’re here and why you wanted to do this in the first place and make sure that you’re getting out of this experience what you hoped. If you’re not then you shouldn’t be wasting your time or being upset for no reason.” So I did and I’m still here. Its been a struggle and already just in the last 3 months I feel like I have had more emotional, personal, physical challenges put upon me than ever before. Honestly, I’m glad for it! Now, don’t quote me on that when I’m having a bad day, cause I won’t listen and I’ll deny I ever said it….but I am glad to be learning this much about myself and seeing what I’m really capable of and also, really figuring out what I want out of life and how I can get it. I don’t think that anything that you truly want comes very easily. I think if you really want something than you have to fight for it and test yourself to makes sure that you can handle what you’re wanting for when you do get it. I don’t know if I’m totally making sense. I guess my point is that if I want to go and work for organizations that help people around the world…than I need to see the world and meet some of those people! However, I will say that becoming an actual adult and being thrown into all of this so fast…I do feel a bit freaked and as if I may have missed a few steps of transition in between. Like I may have jumped the gun a bit and put myself into a tougher situation then I can handle or are capable of handling. I’ve had a lot of doubts about that lately. It’s hard. I’m trying though…
To be able to really be a good and empathetic person, especially for people that I’m hoping to help one day, than I should really know how others live and what it feels like to sit out at the road for hours not knowing if you’ll ever get anywhere. I mean, I’m still very lucky and I know that while I’m living at grass roots I still have the things I need. Its interesting though cause what I have still is a lot less than the people around me. The teachers at my school have a bigger income than I do. I have enough to get what I need, but that’s really about it. It’s funny because the people I work with have more money than I do and even nicer houses than I do…and honestly, wear nicer cloths than I do. However, because I come from America and I’m white….everyone assumes that I’m living very nicely. People always tell me that I’m rich. They don’t ask if I am…they tell me I am. I always say that not, because well I’m not. I have no money saved or anything at home currently, so by American standards I’m not rich AT ALL. By Botswana standards, I am very wealthy. What I’ve realized is that when people here do think of me they think of money but, I think more than money, I’m looked at as rich in opportunity. I’m wealthy with possibilities and opportunities. The mere fact that I have been on an airplane just to get here is something that the majority of people here have not done and more than likely will never do. I sit around and plan what trips I might want to take or grad schools I might attend in 2 years when I go back to America while most around me are planning how they will eat tonight. When I really stop and think about it and compare my worlds…the one I was in a few months ago to the one I’m in now, because they do seem like completely different worlds….I have nothing to complain about!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Cheap Cheap Cheap!!!
OK, so get this! I just paid my rent here in Botswana and its was 60 pula. Thats is literally like $8.50 or something. My rent is 8 bucks! I mean really! I kind of can't believe it. but I'll take it. So, if you ever want to save some money apparently then just move to a tiny house in the middle of rural Botswana and you can do it! HAHA I'm sitting here in Gabs right now and am listeing to some very odd Bette Middler song playing in the mall. hmmmm.... Anyways, I'm here cause transport from my village has become very hard and so I had a meeting with my country director and supervisor and they lifeted the "lock down" policy for me. which was a really big help actually. We are all suppose to be on "lock down" for the first 2 1/2 months and not leaving our sites and especially not spend the night anywhere, but since transport is so hard and I basically have to be dependent on other ppl's sechedules that usually means I have to spend several nights away to get food and things. So, the Pc's was cool about it and understood that I was an "extreme case" as they called it and liufted the policy...which is a bit of a load off. Still, i need to figure out how to get around and how to do all this but its cool...with time I guess.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
No rain...no rainbows
I retract my pervious statement. I believe that I more than likely said that “last week was the hardest of my life,” or something to that extent….I take it back! I realize that for the next 2 years I really can’t make statements like that because more than likely I will find a way to outdo myself or at least the circumstances/situations/events will change that fate for me. I don’t even know where to begin. All of the things that I heard from everyone and Peace Corps and anybody that knew anything about the Peace Corps at all, all told me that this is going to be hard….painfully hard at times….that’s what I’m feeling now. This is hard. So hard! I have no idea what I’m doing or what to think or what to say or what to do! It’s a huge rollercoaster of emotions everyday. Everyday is different. Everyday is nothing of what you thought it was gonna be and even when there is a “plan” it usually doesn’t go according to plan. I mean, so is life. I understand that. I feel like all I do these days is whine or cry or feel out of place or mess something up…but well, that is basically all I do these days.
I know that everyone around me is feeling the same way. We all text/sms one another and yeah, we are all feeling like this…to different extents and in different ways, but we all have something! It’s just crazy. It’s hard to get perspective on things when you’re right in the middle of it all and feel like I have very little outlets of how to deal or think or feel. Talking to people from home (America) about it doesn’t work very well cause usually I end up just upset cause I miss them so much that that just makes things better and worse all at the same time. I can’t really talk about things with people in my village cause its an entirely different way of living and understanding life. I mean, how do I cry to someone about being so drained from having to spend hours upon hours washing my cloths by hand, when its all that person has ever known…it doesn’t work. Nothing in my life is bad and I need to try to keep that in perspective…but it’s just so damn hard right now to adjust to it all! I feel so emotionally drained and exhausted from everything going on and all the new changes, new duties, new and big expectations, as well as having no comfort zone whatsoever throughout all of it.
However, throughout everything I do I find myself believing that this can’t be it. I just can’t believe that I have been through all of this just go get here, freak out, cry, and decide that I can’t handle it and go home. I can’t believe that that is how this is suppose to go down or that that is the point of all of this. (Hence, why I’m still here) I told my friend Alex that and she helped me to see that the fact that I even think that and am saying that means that I still have some decent and fighting perspective in me somewhere and that thinking that is “some pretty powerful stuff and make sure to tap into that.” (her exact words, haha) Which was good to be reminded of. I mean, I talked to my sister, who is my life counselor I feel like and I miss insanely…and I know she misses me even though she won’t say it ( I love you Coco!) and I was telling her how I have these moments all the time where I can’t remember why I’m here….yet, I don’t move. I don’t go home, I don’t call my mom and tell her I’m coming home….I don’t move but I really am unable to think of a single reason why I’m here. Not because its that horrible or because I hate it that much, I think just because it gets so unbelievably overwhelming and I can’t find perspective on anything. At all. There are good and bad things to everything and I think with this experience I’m feeling like there are new/good and extremely difficult/challenges things to everything I do here. Its not black and white. Its not good or bad…its everything and anything in between! I think its safe to say this is the most challenging thing I have ever done…but there I go again…I probably just jinxed myself and I’ll be in the middle of the biggest tragedy ever next week. Hey, at least it wouldn’t be boring. Haha
OK, so I need to stop venting now. I feel like you poor people that have to read this will think good lord she needs to come home or good lord, suck it up. HAHA Alright, I know you are probably nicer than me and not thinking that but I’m just a big drama queen these days! I’m so bi-polar these days and figure I will be for probably about the next year or so. Well, I’m slowly learning how to do things. My School Head, Susan, is very protective of me and won’t let me do much on my own. I keep begging her to tell me about the combie’s and how do I actually get out of my village and she’s like, “ You’ll get lost or stranded…I’ll drive you, I’ll take care of you.” HAHA She is very nice and always seems to mean well. I have to check in more with her than my own actual mother. I’m learning to time things better according to the sunlight and what my options are for getting to the water tap and how to not run out of things. Would seem simple, but no, it’s not. I’m slowly learning how to handle things on my own, in a new culture, and fending for myself. I realized today that I have literally been put in a situation that forces me to face everything I normally run from. I’m dead serious.
I am so independent and I don’t let people take care of me often, if ever really. I always take care of other people and now when it comes to so many things I completely dependent on other people. I have to be, 100%....and I still hate it but I have to do it. I have to let others take care of me. Like with transport, I have to get rides right now because there is no other way for me to get out of my village without help from other people (*because I can’t get anyone to tell me about the combie’s). All the things that I was completely terrified of about coming here and doing came true. I have to let other people take care of me and learn to be ok with feeling like a mooch, I live alone (which I’ve never done), I don’t have easy contact with people to help me vent (which is how I dealt with everything), I’m utterly vulnerable all the time (which I am so not good at), and I feel so unspeakably isolated (which has always not been a happy idea for me). These are all the biggest things that I was freaked out about before I got here and I got all of them. It actually makes me laugh a bit, but that might be from the exhaustion a bit though. Oh well, I’ll take it. As corny as this will sound I basically read a quote to myself that helps me put things in perspective for about 5 seconds…but I’ll take 5 seconds…
“I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you know, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer…” (Rainer Maria Rilke) I seriously have to live by this in order to stay at least a little sane. Whatever works right?!?! I read this to myself all the time and then go outside and look at the 800 trillion stars (exact number in my opinion) and sit outside. Its so perfect and peaceful and I can’t even explain how many stars. I have never seen that many stars, ever! Its gorgeous!
The kids are slowly getting more used to me. I still feel pretty useless these days which I’m suppose to feel cause Peace Corps doesn’t want us working for the first 2 ½ months and just doing community entry things. So, I guess all of my thoughts and feelings are “normal.” They keep telling me that. I sent a Bots 7 PC’s Volunteer a text/sms the other day saying something about how I feel useless and horrible and have spent the day crying off and on but I was making bread cause I was bored. Haha Her response was, “Yep, that’s exactly how it should be, way to fit in.” I laughed and found comfort in it only to realize how insane this is. I’m reading a book right now called, “ The Sex Lives of Cannibals,” by Maartin Troost (don’t let the title fool you…its not a creepy book) and I’m not kidding I feel like that is exactly my life. It’s about a guy that moves with his girlfriend to the middle of absolutely nowhere in the South Pacific and all the weird little things he goes through learning the culture and how he starts thinking like everyone else and doing and laughing at the weirdest things….It’s totally me but in Sub-Saharan Africa. Haha Best book ever now! Anyways, that was a random tangent.
I’m going to a Life Skills conference in Moleps so I’ll be out of sight from Sunday to Wednesday which I think will be a nice break to see civilization again. Haha I might go see my host family. I miss them actually. Its only been a few weeks but they are so sweet. My oldest host sister sends me texts/sms’s telling me how much they all miss me and ask how I am. They’re sweet! I’m hoping to get to talk to the nurse in my village next week to get a ‘needs assessment’ done on the village and my school and see what’s prevalent here and what I can help with. I’ve just spent the week trying to get a handle on things and meeting people when I can. I go to school and read a bunch of stuff and then go home and read more stuff or cook or do my laundry in my kitchen/entry. I don’t think I really have any funny or entertaining stories from this week. Its was more the drama and trying not to break down and settle in week.
I went to my friend Laura’s this morning and she has a government home with electricity, running water (HOT and COLD), a flushing toilet and I am in total awe of her life right now. I couldn’t even handle it. Its was like going to a spa. I figured this out yesterday and realized that it has literally been 2 weeks since I have even SEEN electricity…even seen it! Seriously! HAHA Oh my gosh! I haven’t taken a bath that had hot water coming from the tap since the USA…Its been months since I have had anything to do with hat luxury!!!! I still can’t get over it. I took a long HOT bath this morning and had to put no effort it to make it that way…it was unbelievable!!! Its been the best day ever so far!!! Now, I’m in Gabs and going food shopping and stuff with a few friends. I get to go t stores that have electricity and buy things….Its all just so exciting!!! It’s the little things in life now. I painted my toe nails bright pink the other day cause my mom sent it to me from home and that has still made my day for several days now. I think I’m a bit of a freak with my pink toe nails, but, well, the whole being a young white American women in the middle of the rural African bush of Botswana , I think has really already solidified my “freak” status for me…so oh well! Anyways, I better go shop and enjoy all the luxuries while I can. Oh amenities…they make me happy! Haha Happy 4th of July for all you Americans that are actually in America!!!!
I know that everyone around me is feeling the same way. We all text/sms one another and yeah, we are all feeling like this…to different extents and in different ways, but we all have something! It’s just crazy. It’s hard to get perspective on things when you’re right in the middle of it all and feel like I have very little outlets of how to deal or think or feel. Talking to people from home (America) about it doesn’t work very well cause usually I end up just upset cause I miss them so much that that just makes things better and worse all at the same time. I can’t really talk about things with people in my village cause its an entirely different way of living and understanding life. I mean, how do I cry to someone about being so drained from having to spend hours upon hours washing my cloths by hand, when its all that person has ever known…it doesn’t work. Nothing in my life is bad and I need to try to keep that in perspective…but it’s just so damn hard right now to adjust to it all! I feel so emotionally drained and exhausted from everything going on and all the new changes, new duties, new and big expectations, as well as having no comfort zone whatsoever throughout all of it.
However, throughout everything I do I find myself believing that this can’t be it. I just can’t believe that I have been through all of this just go get here, freak out, cry, and decide that I can’t handle it and go home. I can’t believe that that is how this is suppose to go down or that that is the point of all of this. (Hence, why I’m still here) I told my friend Alex that and she helped me to see that the fact that I even think that and am saying that means that I still have some decent and fighting perspective in me somewhere and that thinking that is “some pretty powerful stuff and make sure to tap into that.” (her exact words, haha) Which was good to be reminded of. I mean, I talked to my sister, who is my life counselor I feel like and I miss insanely…and I know she misses me even though she won’t say it ( I love you Coco!) and I was telling her how I have these moments all the time where I can’t remember why I’m here….yet, I don’t move. I don’t go home, I don’t call my mom and tell her I’m coming home….I don’t move but I really am unable to think of a single reason why I’m here. Not because its that horrible or because I hate it that much, I think just because it gets so unbelievably overwhelming and I can’t find perspective on anything. At all. There are good and bad things to everything and I think with this experience I’m feeling like there are new/good and extremely difficult/challenges things to everything I do here. Its not black and white. Its not good or bad…its everything and anything in between! I think its safe to say this is the most challenging thing I have ever done…but there I go again…I probably just jinxed myself and I’ll be in the middle of the biggest tragedy ever next week. Hey, at least it wouldn’t be boring. Haha
OK, so I need to stop venting now. I feel like you poor people that have to read this will think good lord she needs to come home or good lord, suck it up. HAHA Alright, I know you are probably nicer than me and not thinking that but I’m just a big drama queen these days! I’m so bi-polar these days and figure I will be for probably about the next year or so. Well, I’m slowly learning how to do things. My School Head, Susan, is very protective of me and won’t let me do much on my own. I keep begging her to tell me about the combie’s and how do I actually get out of my village and she’s like, “ You’ll get lost or stranded…I’ll drive you, I’ll take care of you.” HAHA She is very nice and always seems to mean well. I have to check in more with her than my own actual mother. I’m learning to time things better according to the sunlight and what my options are for getting to the water tap and how to not run out of things. Would seem simple, but no, it’s not. I’m slowly learning how to handle things on my own, in a new culture, and fending for myself. I realized today that I have literally been put in a situation that forces me to face everything I normally run from. I’m dead serious.
I am so independent and I don’t let people take care of me often, if ever really. I always take care of other people and now when it comes to so many things I completely dependent on other people. I have to be, 100%....and I still hate it but I have to do it. I have to let others take care of me. Like with transport, I have to get rides right now because there is no other way for me to get out of my village without help from other people (*because I can’t get anyone to tell me about the combie’s). All the things that I was completely terrified of about coming here and doing came true. I have to let other people take care of me and learn to be ok with feeling like a mooch, I live alone (which I’ve never done), I don’t have easy contact with people to help me vent (which is how I dealt with everything), I’m utterly vulnerable all the time (which I am so not good at), and I feel so unspeakably isolated (which has always not been a happy idea for me). These are all the biggest things that I was freaked out about before I got here and I got all of them. It actually makes me laugh a bit, but that might be from the exhaustion a bit though. Oh well, I’ll take it. As corny as this will sound I basically read a quote to myself that helps me put things in perspective for about 5 seconds…but I’ll take 5 seconds…
“I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you know, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer…” (Rainer Maria Rilke) I seriously have to live by this in order to stay at least a little sane. Whatever works right?!?! I read this to myself all the time and then go outside and look at the 800 trillion stars (exact number in my opinion) and sit outside. Its so perfect and peaceful and I can’t even explain how many stars. I have never seen that many stars, ever! Its gorgeous!
The kids are slowly getting more used to me. I still feel pretty useless these days which I’m suppose to feel cause Peace Corps doesn’t want us working for the first 2 ½ months and just doing community entry things. So, I guess all of my thoughts and feelings are “normal.” They keep telling me that. I sent a Bots 7 PC’s Volunteer a text/sms the other day saying something about how I feel useless and horrible and have spent the day crying off and on but I was making bread cause I was bored. Haha Her response was, “Yep, that’s exactly how it should be, way to fit in.” I laughed and found comfort in it only to realize how insane this is. I’m reading a book right now called, “ The Sex Lives of Cannibals,” by Maartin Troost (don’t let the title fool you…its not a creepy book) and I’m not kidding I feel like that is exactly my life. It’s about a guy that moves with his girlfriend to the middle of absolutely nowhere in the South Pacific and all the weird little things he goes through learning the culture and how he starts thinking like everyone else and doing and laughing at the weirdest things….It’s totally me but in Sub-Saharan Africa. Haha Best book ever now! Anyways, that was a random tangent.
I’m going to a Life Skills conference in Moleps so I’ll be out of sight from Sunday to Wednesday which I think will be a nice break to see civilization again. Haha I might go see my host family. I miss them actually. Its only been a few weeks but they are so sweet. My oldest host sister sends me texts/sms’s telling me how much they all miss me and ask how I am. They’re sweet! I’m hoping to get to talk to the nurse in my village next week to get a ‘needs assessment’ done on the village and my school and see what’s prevalent here and what I can help with. I’ve just spent the week trying to get a handle on things and meeting people when I can. I go to school and read a bunch of stuff and then go home and read more stuff or cook or do my laundry in my kitchen/entry. I don’t think I really have any funny or entertaining stories from this week. Its was more the drama and trying not to break down and settle in week.
I went to my friend Laura’s this morning and she has a government home with electricity, running water (HOT and COLD), a flushing toilet and I am in total awe of her life right now. I couldn’t even handle it. Its was like going to a spa. I figured this out yesterday and realized that it has literally been 2 weeks since I have even SEEN electricity…even seen it! Seriously! HAHA Oh my gosh! I haven’t taken a bath that had hot water coming from the tap since the USA…Its been months since I have had anything to do with hat luxury!!!! I still can’t get over it. I took a long HOT bath this morning and had to put no effort it to make it that way…it was unbelievable!!! Its been the best day ever so far!!! Now, I’m in Gabs and going food shopping and stuff with a few friends. I get to go t stores that have electricity and buy things….Its all just so exciting!!! It’s the little things in life now. I painted my toe nails bright pink the other day cause my mom sent it to me from home and that has still made my day for several days now. I think I’m a bit of a freak with my pink toe nails, but, well, the whole being a young white American women in the middle of the rural African bush of Botswana , I think has really already solidified my “freak” status for me…so oh well! Anyways, I better go shop and enjoy all the luxuries while I can. Oh amenities…they make me happy! Haha Happy 4th of July for all you Americans that are actually in America!!!!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
"Survival Mode"
So much to say in such little time! I have one week down! I got to my sight last Sunday after dark which meant that I had to immediately figure out the whole paraffin and lamp situation…which luckily with help wasn’t too bad. My place in the dark is dim at best! HAHA It’s a bit intense and I basically curl into a corner in my room at night and sit right next to my lamp that I also think is slowly killing me from all the paraffin fumes. I spent my night reading in my dim light and then went to bed at like a raging late night of 9pm. That’s right….you know you’re jealous of my fabulous night life! My School Head told me that it wasn’t safe to go outside at night cause of the snakes and whatnot….yet that’s where my pit latrine is…so that’s always fun. Go figure that one. Anyways, my pit latrine is really what will make everyone of you so happy to be wherever you are right now, you’re not me! Its like a port-a-potty, but not. There are some not bad pit latrines that I have seen and some that I would even consider just a toilet outside…which I’m cool with….I’m a pretty cheap date these days! Its take very little to impress me or make me happy…very little! Anyways, my pit latrine however, is a big cement block with a tiny cement square cut out. Literally! I have never been officially camping in my entire life cause I never thought it seemed fun to live outside for fun, but I feel as if I were to go camping now I would just think it was a trip for pansy’s. HAHA I am going to brag for a minute and say that I am damn proud of myself when it comes to what this week has been and that I’m still here and somehow laughing and smiling! Its utterly insane! I still can’t even comprehend what is going on!
I have spent my week at the school feeling pretty useless cause I don’t have anything to do right now and don’t really know many people or for that matter have anywhere to go. I just sit there right now and read Life Skills books while charging my phone cause the school survives on solar power so that’s how I charge anything. I have been setting my little house up, that I was learning to love up until a few hours ago when I found 3 lizards in my kitchen….I’m sure I’m be learning to love it soon again, but I’m still a little freaked and so I’m taking a few hours off from all the “love” right now. I put up pictures of friend and family that I brought from home and surrounded my house with them so that makes it a bit homier. Already so much has changed with relationships/friendships from home. Its so hard though loosing some friends...I mean, I have to deal now cause I'm in it, but part of me just wishes it weren't true and some how it can all just go back to the way it was. I don't know. Denial I guess. I can't even believe how drastically different my life is. Some people I don't even know if we are friends anymore and even with friends that I thought I'd always have...and some are making more effort then I ever thought they would. I have cried basically once a day since I have been here, not because I don’t like it, but just because everything is so overwhelming that it then becomes so exhausting to then I cry. HAHA Its crazy! Everything I do is brand new! Washing the dishes isn’t just going to the sink and washing to the dishes! It’s not taking several buckets, going outside to fill the buckets full of water, then going back inside to wash them in one bucket, rinse them in another, then dry them, and collect all the water and dump all the water outside. Bathing is basically the same kind of process. Everything I do now is a process! I can’t just “do” anything anymore. I have to think it through and plan it out and then I can do it. Its utterly exhausting!!!! It gets dark here like 6pm now cause its Winter so I have to do anything I need to do before then so that I don’t have to be lion food or bitten by a snake or even have one of my neighbors say hello to me in the pitch black which basically gives me a heart attack. HAHA
I am however becoming the Botswana Martha Stewart…or so I have declared myself the title. I cook everything from scratch now, I have to! I don’t have a store to get food from and after finding out that the combies never come to my village much then I really don’t have a way to get anywhere in less my School Head is going somewhere and I can catch a ride. She’s nice like that! Thankfully. BUT it still leaves me with very little options. Once again, more planning! Constant planning. Anyways, So I cook all the time cause I get bored really easily so I’m learning to make random things! BUT I make diphaphata now
which is a traditional Botswana bread. My school head, Susan and the Deputy school head ate some of the diphaphata I made and were shocked that I did it. They both have lived in Bots their whole lives and they don’t know how to make it. I love it. Boredom will force you to learn anything. I have never made bread by hand on my life…but I do now. I made pizza from scratch last weekend for my host family and I was amazed at how completely pizza like it actually tasted. I figured it all of out and made every part of it and it was good! It was actually good! I was shocked! HAHA So, I cook all the time and am learning to cook anything I can just cause it gives me something to do.
I make paper beads now too. Its something that I think a lot of countries in Africa do, but I know at least Bots and South Africa do where you make paper beads out of magazine paper. It takes time and therefore I do it. I laugh at myself a lot cause I’ll think about how like 3 months ago I was sitting at home watching TV and ordering pizza….now I sit in my dim, non-electric house, with no running water, wash my cloths in buckets in my kitchen while making paper beads and watching my diphaphata rise…it’s beyond surreal! HAHA I’m a little Botswana home maker now. HAHA Oh wow…
This has been the hardest week ever! I can't even understand what is happening and I'm defiantly having moments of wondering if I can do this. I miss people so much and am going through so much, I can't even really explain it to people...which is the hardest part for me to deal with. BUT I do have to say to the family and friends that have been emailing me, just checking in even to listening to my rants and really have been there for me during all of this...you all are irreplaceable to me and I would not have gotten this far without that support. You learn quickly here how incredible having support really is and how needed it is for me right now. Thank you so much! I can't even begin to explain.
I have spent my week at the school feeling pretty useless cause I don’t have anything to do right now and don’t really know many people or for that matter have anywhere to go. I just sit there right now and read Life Skills books while charging my phone cause the school survives on solar power so that’s how I charge anything. I have been setting my little house up, that I was learning to love up until a few hours ago when I found 3 lizards in my kitchen….I’m sure I’m be learning to love it soon again, but I’m still a little freaked and so I’m taking a few hours off from all the “love” right now. I put up pictures of friend and family that I brought from home and surrounded my house with them so that makes it a bit homier. Already so much has changed with relationships/friendships from home. Its so hard though loosing some friends...I mean, I have to deal now cause I'm in it, but part of me just wishes it weren't true and some how it can all just go back to the way it was. I don't know. Denial I guess. I can't even believe how drastically different my life is. Some people I don't even know if we are friends anymore and even with friends that I thought I'd always have...and some are making more effort then I ever thought they would. I have cried basically once a day since I have been here, not because I don’t like it, but just because everything is so overwhelming that it then becomes so exhausting to then I cry. HAHA Its crazy! Everything I do is brand new! Washing the dishes isn’t just going to the sink and washing to the dishes! It’s not taking several buckets, going outside to fill the buckets full of water, then going back inside to wash them in one bucket, rinse them in another, then dry them, and collect all the water and dump all the water outside. Bathing is basically the same kind of process. Everything I do now is a process! I can’t just “do” anything anymore. I have to think it through and plan it out and then I can do it. Its utterly exhausting!!!! It gets dark here like 6pm now cause its Winter so I have to do anything I need to do before then so that I don’t have to be lion food or bitten by a snake or even have one of my neighbors say hello to me in the pitch black which basically gives me a heart attack. HAHA
I am however becoming the Botswana Martha Stewart…or so I have declared myself the title. I cook everything from scratch now, I have to! I don’t have a store to get food from and after finding out that the combies never come to my village much then I really don’t have a way to get anywhere in less my School Head is going somewhere and I can catch a ride. She’s nice like that! Thankfully. BUT it still leaves me with very little options. Once again, more planning! Constant planning. Anyways, So I cook all the time cause I get bored really easily so I’m learning to make random things! BUT I make diphaphata now
which is a traditional Botswana bread. My school head, Susan and the Deputy school head ate some of the diphaphata I made and were shocked that I did it. They both have lived in Bots their whole lives and they don’t know how to make it. I love it. Boredom will force you to learn anything. I have never made bread by hand on my life…but I do now. I made pizza from scratch last weekend for my host family and I was amazed at how completely pizza like it actually tasted. I figured it all of out and made every part of it and it was good! It was actually good! I was shocked! HAHA So, I cook all the time and am learning to cook anything I can just cause it gives me something to do.
I make paper beads now too. Its something that I think a lot of countries in Africa do, but I know at least Bots and South Africa do where you make paper beads out of magazine paper. It takes time and therefore I do it. I laugh at myself a lot cause I’ll think about how like 3 months ago I was sitting at home watching TV and ordering pizza….now I sit in my dim, non-electric house, with no running water, wash my cloths in buckets in my kitchen while making paper beads and watching my diphaphata rise…it’s beyond surreal! HAHA I’m a little Botswana home maker now. HAHA Oh wow…
This has been the hardest week ever! I can't even understand what is happening and I'm defiantly having moments of wondering if I can do this. I miss people so much and am going through so much, I can't even really explain it to people...which is the hardest part for me to deal with. BUT I do have to say to the family and friends that have been emailing me, just checking in even to listening to my rants and really have been there for me during all of this...you all are irreplaceable to me and I would not have gotten this far without that support. You learn quickly here how incredible having support really is and how needed it is for me right now. Thank you so much! I can't even begin to explain.
Friday, June 12, 2009
A Blessing in Disguise...
OK, so I’m back from my site visit (I spent 4 days in my new village meeting everyone and being introduced to my new life). It was amazing and terrifying at the same time. This is most defiantly going to be my biggest challenge in life yet!!!!
OK, so to start with I met the School Head of Metsibotlhoko Primary School which is where I’ll be working as a Life Skills Technical Trainer for 2 years. The School Head (Principal) is very nice and was extremely welcoming to me. She told me about the school and then she drove me from my host families in Moleps to my new village in Metsibotlhoko which is like a 1 ½ drive. After my adorable host mother gave my school head a lecture all about how she needs to take care of me and feed me all the time, we left to see my new village. HAHA It’s the tiniest village I have ever seen. It has the primary school, a clinic, and a bunch of houses…and that’s it! I feel like I live in the middle of a safari. Its just land! Its beautiful and for living in the middle of a dessert I guess I couldn’t expect much more then that anyways, but still there is nothing there but a small group of people. I have to either go to Moleps or Gaborone just to go grocery shopping. Which means that I have to somehow get a ride 30km’s (hitch hike) just to then take a bus 2 hours to get to the store…or internet…or anything that I may need or want ever! That’s going to be one of the bigger adjustments for me I think…having to plan everything out and not just being able to go to the store when I want or need something. Very different from my American spoiled life. Haha Hitching isn’t recommended by the Peace Corps at all but the khombie situation is very scarce and most of the time it has to be done. It’s not “scary” here like it is in the USA. We make it out to be a very sketchy and unsafe thing to do, but here in Bots is considered a very normal and common way of transport. I’m going to try of the khombies, but either way I have been told that I will most likely be standing out there for a few hours just go get either one and then I can take my 2 hour bus ride…it’s a days event just to go the grocery store.
Anyways, so I saw my new house and it is TINY! I mean it is 2 tiny cement rooms with a wall and door in between them to signify that is actually two separate rooms. My house basically looks like a small cement rectangle…oh, and its green! There was nothing in it when I was there and it didn’t even have a door yet, which is why I stayed with my school head in her really nice government home that has solar power and a TV. I’m so jealous! Ministry of Education provides me with certain things like a little stove, refrigerator, table, bed, somewhere to put my cloths, and I think like one or 2 more things. Its minimum! I don’t have a closet or sink or tube or anything. So I will literally be bathing in a big bucket (by candle light cause I don’t have electricity) in the middle of my tiny kitchen/living room/entry with the water that I will have gotten from the tap outside and boiled on my stove to make it warm! That’s my life now! HAHAHA DEAD SERIOUS! I made so many jokes about living like this for 2 years, but I think I never really thought it would come true. HAHAHA People in the PC’s with me are still finding out that I have nothing in my place and are all shocked. I think that’s the weirdest part is that everyone else has at least something. Everyone has at least running water or electricity….I’m one of the few that has nothing! HAHA I so didn’t think I would be that ONE. Holy Mother! HAHAHA I’m keeping my humor about it though cause I feel that’s the only way that I’ll survive is just to try to laugh at it all and believe it will all work itself out.
The village seems very nice and they are unbelievably welcoming! They have wanted a volunteer for a long time and so they are so happy that I am there. Its very nice to be so wanted and needed by the
people I now get to spend all my time with, but it was a bit intense too. The village had a Kgotla meeting, which is like our city council meetings, where the Chief (Kgosi), the elders, and other important people of the village came together to welcome me and thank me for coming. They all stood up and said very nice things, all in Setswana so I got it all translated to me, and made it very clear that my new role was to basically “fix” the village and all the children struggling in school. I was referred to on many occasions as “Jesus.” No joke! That was a bit intense for me. I was taken back a bit by those comments and really didn’t know how to react to them. I don’t believe that they actually think I am Jesus obviously but they do believe that by my being there that everything is going to be better, get fixed, and I will bring them everything they don’t have. Apparently they heard a story once about a volunteer that came to a village very similar to mine and by the end of that other volunteers 2 years the village was perfect….it had electricity and everyone/everything was fixed and better. Apparently they all believe that that is what is going to happen to my village with me being there. It was hard for me take because me being me I always want to help everyone and do everything possible to meet the standards put upon myself, but being “Jesus” just isn’t possible for me to pull off. What got me the most was the children! You see, my school is failing and it is pretty well known right now for failing. 22% of the children passed last year and 17% before that. So for everyone to be saying that I am going to be the one that is responsible to make sure that all the children pass, was very overwhelming for me. I’m the type of person that shouldn’t take those things personally but I do. I’m going to have work on that and figure out how to separate myself a bit, but I know myself well enough to know that as amazing as this experience is going to be its gonna be a bit of a heartbreaker for me too! I already get the feeling that these next 2 years are going to be just one “good life lesson” that I will love to have learned when its over but that is will really suck to go through the process. I mean that in a not quite as discouraging and mean way that it might come off, but I think you all get it. I feel like I’m already able to make a list in my head of the life lessons that are going to be thrown at me that I have to learn and “fix” myself even just to get through them.
Anyways, my school has 9 staff members including me and 101 children at the school which goes from Standard 1 to standard 7 (approx. 5 years old to 14 years old). There is the school head (principal), deputy school head (vice Principal), guidance counselor (who is my counterpart), and then 5 teachers. There are 7 classrooms, a dining hall, kitchen, little library in the dining hall, and a soccer field (well, a dirt field with posts)…in the middle of the dessert! My school is very cute though and it really is actually pretty cool that is so surrounded by nature. I really do feel like I’m in Africa when I’m sitting in the sun reading curriculum books with school children singing Setswana songs and sitting in the sand. Its pretty amazing! The kids are still a bit intimidated by me but with time and seeing that I’m not leaving I know it will change and they won’t be. It’s so intimidating for me to be there just because there is so much work to be done and things to learn and teach about. It’s a bit daunting. Teachers in Botswana get placed by the government and moved around a lot without a choice or real say in the matter. So all the staff with the exception of 2 are new and only got there in February. So, the kids are still getting used to everyone and things areneeding to change so much to help the children pass. There are 3 huge storage rooms at the school filled with curriculum books, workbooks, stories, and even fully made science kits to do experiments and my school head told me they have been sitting in those rooms for 8 years completely untouched. No one is using the resources at all. Its great though because my school head really wants
the school to change a bit and for the kids to start succeeding so she wants me to help the teachers take full advantage of all the resources we have. Which is great and I’m going to try as hard as I can, but me just showing up and adding more work for the teachers doesn’t sound like the best way to integrate and make friends….so I’ll have to find a good/nice way to pull that off. I think its really hard on the teachers because they are moved around so much and put in places that they don’t want to be so I think it would be really hard to have motivation for teaching when you don’t want to be where you are. I think that will be one of my biggest challenges, trying to get all the teachers to want to be really involved and take on more passion for teaching. For a lot of teachers here, teaching is just a job and its not really what they want to be doing or caring about. Which is so impossible for everyone because if there is anything I have learned about teaching, it’s that you have to love what you’re doing and want to be where you are to really be any good at it.
I leave my host families for my new site on June 19th…I start my 2 years on the 19th! We have a swearing in ceremony on the 18th to officially make us all Peace Corps Botswana Volunteers…we’re all just trainees right now…but soon! I’m still just taking things day by day. Anything more than that it becomes just a little too overwhelming for me. Not in a bad way, but its just easiest for me to think day by day…I think that once I get to site I might actually be able to take it week by week. It’s progress. Haha I’m excited to start work and get more comfortable with my new place and having to wait 4 days just to grab a khombie to get some food, but I’m still a bit nervous too. I mean, I have been so busy and distracted by all the other people and friends and soon it’s just me. It’s me dealing with everything by myself, which I know I’ll be fine, but it’s been nice to have all my friends around to be able to freak out about things with them. It’s really good to have people around me that know exactly what I’m going through and that simple things like being proposed to 800 times a day get extremely frustrating at times. Haha I haven’t had to much time by myself yet, I’, always so surrounded by other people…and it’s the time alone that is what makes me nervous…so much time to think about EVERYTHING. That’s usually not a good thing with me. However, once again….there is another life lesson thing that I can now work out…YAY! Haha I still think it will be good and I’m excited to really see how it will all work out and just how I plan to tackle all of the issues, cause honestly right now I have no idea what I’m going to come up with. It’s really weird in a way because I keep thinking of it as that somehow I will think of something and that somehow I will make it work. It never occurs to me that it won’t work or that I can’t do it (even though I can’t think of anything now) I just find myself thinking that somehow, someway I’ll randomly come up with something. Its cool though that I guess I have just already subconsciously made the decision that everything is going to be good (hard, but good) and that somehow I’ll help. It’s bit intense now that I actually just wrote that and read it back to myself, but its true. I don’t know there is something about this whole process that just makes me think that things can be changed and that good things and change is always possible. I feel that way usually at home, but it’s different. I’m not quite as freakishly optimistic. Haha It’s good though. I’m just gonna try o go with it as long as possible! Well, I think I have rambled enough for now. I really can talk forever…good lord! Anyways, I was looking through all the pictures I brought of my friends and family the other day and I really do miss everybody. It’s so odd at times to look at the pictures and think of where in life I was when the photos were taken and while most of them weren’t even that long ago….it feels like forever since I have been home and have seen people. Love you all and I’m thinking of you all the time….I really am!!!! We all share stories
from home with one another all the time…you know in between the proposal stories and the “I ate all starch again last night, how about you?” We have very weird conversations around here. The latest discovery is eating the watermelon throat lozenges that my mom sent because they at times are the closest thing that we all can get to candy. Totally serious. We snack on them during training. Its pathetic, but true! OK, I really am going to shut up now….miss you!
my new address is:
Metsibotlhoko Primary School
P.O. Box 493
Letlhakeng, Botswana
OK, so to start with I met the School Head of Metsibotlhoko Primary School which is where I’ll be working as a Life Skills Technical Trainer for 2 years. The School Head (Principal) is very nice and was extremely welcoming to me. She told me about the school and then she drove me from my host families in Moleps to my new village in Metsibotlhoko which is like a 1 ½ drive. After my adorable host mother gave my school head a lecture all about how she needs to take care of me and feed me all the time, we left to see my new village. HAHA It’s the tiniest village I have ever seen. It has the primary school, a clinic, and a bunch of houses…and that’s it! I feel like I live in the middle of a safari. Its just land! Its beautiful and for living in the middle of a dessert I guess I couldn’t expect much more then that anyways, but still there is nothing there but a small group of people. I have to either go to Moleps or Gaborone just to go grocery shopping. Which means that I have to somehow get a ride 30km’s (hitch hike) just to then take a bus 2 hours to get to the store…or internet…or anything that I may need or want ever! That’s going to be one of the bigger adjustments for me I think…having to plan everything out and not just being able to go to the store when I want or need something. Very different from my American spoiled life. Haha Hitching isn’t recommended by the Peace Corps at all but the khombie situation is very scarce and most of the time it has to be done. It’s not “scary” here like it is in the USA. We make it out to be a very sketchy and unsafe thing to do, but here in Bots is considered a very normal and common way of transport. I’m going to try of the khombies, but either way I have been told that I will most likely be standing out there for a few hours just go get either one and then I can take my 2 hour bus ride…it’s a days event just to go the grocery store.
Anyways, so I saw my new house and it is TINY! I mean it is 2 tiny cement rooms with a wall and door in between them to signify that is actually two separate rooms. My house basically looks like a small cement rectangle…oh, and its green! There was nothing in it when I was there and it didn’t even have a door yet, which is why I stayed with my school head in her really nice government home that has solar power and a TV. I’m so jealous! Ministry of Education provides me with certain things like a little stove, refrigerator, table, bed, somewhere to put my cloths, and I think like one or 2 more things. Its minimum! I don’t have a closet or sink or tube or anything. So I will literally be bathing in a big bucket (by candle light cause I don’t have electricity) in the middle of my tiny kitchen/living room/entry with the water that I will have gotten from the tap outside and boiled on my stove to make it warm! That’s my life now! HAHAHA DEAD SERIOUS! I made so many jokes about living like this for 2 years, but I think I never really thought it would come true. HAHAHA People in the PC’s with me are still finding out that I have nothing in my place and are all shocked. I think that’s the weirdest part is that everyone else has at least something. Everyone has at least running water or electricity….I’m one of the few that has nothing! HAHA I so didn’t think I would be that ONE. Holy Mother! HAHAHA I’m keeping my humor about it though cause I feel that’s the only way that I’ll survive is just to try to laugh at it all and believe it will all work itself out.
The village seems very nice and they are unbelievably welcoming! They have wanted a volunteer for a long time and so they are so happy that I am there. Its very nice to be so wanted and needed by the
people I now get to spend all my time with, but it was a bit intense too. The village had a Kgotla meeting, which is like our city council meetings, where the Chief (Kgosi), the elders, and other important people of the village came together to welcome me and thank me for coming. They all stood up and said very nice things, all in Setswana so I got it all translated to me, and made it very clear that my new role was to basically “fix” the village and all the children struggling in school. I was referred to on many occasions as “Jesus.” No joke! That was a bit intense for me. I was taken back a bit by those comments and really didn’t know how to react to them. I don’t believe that they actually think I am Jesus obviously but they do believe that by my being there that everything is going to be better, get fixed, and I will bring them everything they don’t have. Apparently they heard a story once about a volunteer that came to a village very similar to mine and by the end of that other volunteers 2 years the village was perfect….it had electricity and everyone/everything was fixed and better. Apparently they all believe that that is what is going to happen to my village with me being there. It was hard for me take because me being me I always want to help everyone and do everything possible to meet the standards put upon myself, but being “Jesus” just isn’t possible for me to pull off. What got me the most was the children! You see, my school is failing and it is pretty well known right now for failing. 22% of the children passed last year and 17% before that. So for everyone to be saying that I am going to be the one that is responsible to make sure that all the children pass, was very overwhelming for me. I’m the type of person that shouldn’t take those things personally but I do. I’m going to have work on that and figure out how to separate myself a bit, but I know myself well enough to know that as amazing as this experience is going to be its gonna be a bit of a heartbreaker for me too! I already get the feeling that these next 2 years are going to be just one “good life lesson” that I will love to have learned when its over but that is will really suck to go through the process. I mean that in a not quite as discouraging and mean way that it might come off, but I think you all get it. I feel like I’m already able to make a list in my head of the life lessons that are going to be thrown at me that I have to learn and “fix” myself even just to get through them.
Anyways, my school has 9 staff members including me and 101 children at the school which goes from Standard 1 to standard 7 (approx. 5 years old to 14 years old). There is the school head (principal), deputy school head (vice Principal), guidance counselor (who is my counterpart), and then 5 teachers. There are 7 classrooms, a dining hall, kitchen, little library in the dining hall, and a soccer field (well, a dirt field with posts)…in the middle of the dessert! My school is very cute though and it really is actually pretty cool that is so surrounded by nature. I really do feel like I’m in Africa when I’m sitting in the sun reading curriculum books with school children singing Setswana songs and sitting in the sand. Its pretty amazing! The kids are still a bit intimidated by me but with time and seeing that I’m not leaving I know it will change and they won’t be. It’s so intimidating for me to be there just because there is so much work to be done and things to learn and teach about. It’s a bit daunting. Teachers in Botswana get placed by the government and moved around a lot without a choice or real say in the matter. So all the staff with the exception of 2 are new and only got there in February. So, the kids are still getting used to everyone and things areneeding to change so much to help the children pass. There are 3 huge storage rooms at the school filled with curriculum books, workbooks, stories, and even fully made science kits to do experiments and my school head told me they have been sitting in those rooms for 8 years completely untouched. No one is using the resources at all. Its great though because my school head really wants
the school to change a bit and for the kids to start succeeding so she wants me to help the teachers take full advantage of all the resources we have. Which is great and I’m going to try as hard as I can, but me just showing up and adding more work for the teachers doesn’t sound like the best way to integrate and make friends….so I’ll have to find a good/nice way to pull that off. I think its really hard on the teachers because they are moved around so much and put in places that they don’t want to be so I think it would be really hard to have motivation for teaching when you don’t want to be where you are. I think that will be one of my biggest challenges, trying to get all the teachers to want to be really involved and take on more passion for teaching. For a lot of teachers here, teaching is just a job and its not really what they want to be doing or caring about. Which is so impossible for everyone because if there is anything I have learned about teaching, it’s that you have to love what you’re doing and want to be where you are to really be any good at it.
I leave my host families for my new site on June 19th…I start my 2 years on the 19th! We have a swearing in ceremony on the 18th to officially make us all Peace Corps Botswana Volunteers…we’re all just trainees right now…but soon! I’m still just taking things day by day. Anything more than that it becomes just a little too overwhelming for me. Not in a bad way, but its just easiest for me to think day by day…I think that once I get to site I might actually be able to take it week by week. It’s progress. Haha I’m excited to start work and get more comfortable with my new place and having to wait 4 days just to grab a khombie to get some food, but I’m still a bit nervous too. I mean, I have been so busy and distracted by all the other people and friends and soon it’s just me. It’s me dealing with everything by myself, which I know I’ll be fine, but it’s been nice to have all my friends around to be able to freak out about things with them. It’s really good to have people around me that know exactly what I’m going through and that simple things like being proposed to 800 times a day get extremely frustrating at times. Haha I haven’t had to much time by myself yet, I’, always so surrounded by other people…and it’s the time alone that is what makes me nervous…so much time to think about EVERYTHING. That’s usually not a good thing with me. However, once again….there is another life lesson thing that I can now work out…YAY! Haha I still think it will be good and I’m excited to really see how it will all work out and just how I plan to tackle all of the issues, cause honestly right now I have no idea what I’m going to come up with. It’s really weird in a way because I keep thinking of it as that somehow I will think of something and that somehow I will make it work. It never occurs to me that it won’t work or that I can’t do it (even though I can’t think of anything now) I just find myself thinking that somehow, someway I’ll randomly come up with something. Its cool though that I guess I have just already subconsciously made the decision that everything is going to be good (hard, but good) and that somehow I’ll help. It’s bit intense now that I actually just wrote that and read it back to myself, but its true. I don’t know there is something about this whole process that just makes me think that things can be changed and that good things and change is always possible. I feel that way usually at home, but it’s different. I’m not quite as freakishly optimistic. Haha It’s good though. I’m just gonna try o go with it as long as possible! Well, I think I have rambled enough for now. I really can talk forever…good lord! Anyways, I was looking through all the pictures I brought of my friends and family the other day and I really do miss everybody. It’s so odd at times to look at the pictures and think of where in life I was when the photos were taken and while most of them weren’t even that long ago….it feels like forever since I have been home and have seen people. Love you all and I’m thinking of you all the time….I really am!!!! We all share stories
from home with one another all the time…you know in between the proposal stories and the “I ate all starch again last night, how about you?” We have very weird conversations around here. The latest discovery is eating the watermelon throat lozenges that my mom sent because they at times are the closest thing that we all can get to candy. Totally serious. We snack on them during training. Its pathetic, but true! OK, I really am going to shut up now….miss you!
my new address is:
Metsibotlhoko Primary School
P.O. Box 493
Letlhakeng, Botswana
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