"Love is when you love ONE person." ~age 11

I’m in gabs for this whole week for a Life Skills Workshop in Infusion (meaning learning how to integrate life skills lessons in to all schools subjects). My friend Sonia and I went to see that new movie, “A Christmas Carol,” it was so nice to escape into a movie. Next time, not a Christmas one though maybe. It’s a very surreal feeling to completely immerse yourself into the Christmas world, snow, and thinking about home to then walk out of the theatre to 100 degree weather and the fact that you’re in Botswana. Haha It was stil so good to see a movie though. I got here on Sunday and am spending a week in Hotel life….so exciting! I have showered!!!! I have showered in a legit, standing up right, water coming out and draining all on its own shower…you know, a normal shower….but these things boggle my mind now! I feel clean, which in all honesty, I don’t typically have that feeling very often. Gross I know, but true. I have electricity, I’m eating protein, watching TV, have internet access, and an entire mall 5 minutes away! Its like vacation! It’s gonna be a good week!
The last few weeks have actually been really pretty trying and hard! Not gonna lie, had a bit of a breakdown…which I’ve been anticipating for a while…but it finally happened. I think it was good and needed to happen. By breakdown I don’t entirely mean the white jacket and padded room, even though that does sound a bit relaxing though, but it was more of the just being totally fed up, frustrated, and unable to care about what going on at the moment. So, I did what I normally do in those situations where I called my mom and cried, texted my sister and told her I “hate life” and then just kinda hid for a bit. I basically sat in my house for 2 days and made beads, read, cooked, and tried not to think about anything that had to do with the PC’s and Botswana. It sounds harsh a bit, but being surrounded by everything all the time and working nonstop in a new environment where everything is foreign to you and your fighting for people’s livelihoods and health…it can become a bit much at times. It was good in the end to take a break from it all. I needed it. I’m not good at knowing when I need breaks so that’s usually why the “breakdowns” happens. I’m someone that just goes and goes without stopping and is totally fine…until I’m not. When I’m working on something I need to do or want to do then I’m more than fine with working to the bone to do it, I’m happiest when I’m busy and working on things. The problem with that is that then I don’t notice how worn down I am until all of a sudden It’s “breakdown time.” Not very good though. I’m working on taking breaks and being ok with taking breaks.
Anyways, big tangent, but a lot has happened in the last few weeks that has been really hard and really tested me. I’ve had my first few testing moments of realizing just how hard I’m going to have to fight to see change. Apparently just writing a proposal won’t just magically fix everything…go figure. Haha Since I’m in such a tiny village with no resources, I can’t get funding through NGO’s or grants, I can only really get funding through the DAC (District AIDS Coordinator) and I was denied any type of funding at all. That’s a bit of a set back and threw me for a loop. Its my only real option and I really though we’d get the tiny amount of money we were asking for. Not so much. I won’t get into the politics of it, but from my understanding the reasons that I’m not getting any AID are for not very sound or just reasons at all. It’s basically just extremely unfair and really has taught me a lot about the political system here and how much actually caring about change and having all parties involved wanting change to happen is essential for getting help/AID. Its gonna be a bigger struggle than I thought…which in the long run I welcome the challenge…but it’s a bit overwhelming when that realization hits. (Hence the break! Haha)
I also had a conversation with the social worker for my village and he informed me that the government of Bots is recalling people’s “Destitute Status’” and are taking some of the status’ from the people in my village. Which is a bit unsettling cause I don’t know exactly what that means or what will happen, but the government believes that with the Drought Relief Program (temporary hard labor jobs) that they give to ppl in the country that they should be making enough money to support themselves and not need the help from the gov. I don’t really know what to say at that. I mean, I’m not in a position to really agree or disagree with that cause I feel like I don’t have the confidence in knowing all sides of whats going on. I see a lot of things and I hear a lot of things. I have my opinions for sure, but I guess what I’ll say is what I see in my village. For example, the Drought Relief program is currently employing a lot of people in my village. The Program is giving a certain amount of people in the village, the ones able to work, a 300 pula ($30-40) a month for 2 months to weed the clinic and schools grounds. The families that can work have 600 pula for 2 months of hard labor…and then who the hell knows when the Drought Relief Program may come back to the village and employ people, but until that day comes, no one will work….therefore not making any money. So, if the government takes away the food baskets that Destitute’s get once a month permanently, whether there is Drought Relief of not….well…you do the math.
I’m all for self reliance and I’m all for cutting back some AID in complete honesty. In many ways I think there might be a little too much enabling going on, but I feel like there is another way to go about doing that then this. Anyways, the point was that the social worker told me that because of this he really thinks that the Second Meal Program that I’ve been fighting for the kids for school probably won’t happen cause of cutting back on AID. I was so upset when he told me that. We don’t know for sure though and I’m going to try to go talk to everyone in the Ministry when I get back in a week to really fight for it and try to make sure it happens. They can’t cut all AID at once…its just not feasible or healthy for that matter. So, its not over, but it was blow. Also, I haven’t found any way to transport the girls to Camp Glow in a few weeks. He people that I thought could help say they can’t…so still working on that. Basically I’ll stop this depressing rant, but its been a really challenging few weeks. I’m working on getting things done despite everything going on and my own personal moments of doubt.
I’m working on a proposal now to try to start kind of a “Big Brother, Big Sister” program with some of the private schools in Gabs to help the kids have exposure to other children that live a very different life styles…in hopes that will show the kids a world outside Metsi and meet other kids that are really motivated. I’m working on putting together a workshop for the teachers at my school for January so that I can officially teach them about Life Skills and therefore we can really get it in our school and it won’t be just me doing all the life skills stuff. I’m still working on transport for the kids to get to Camp GLOW! I’m planning the clubs that are going to start in my school in January. School, 3rd Term ends this week and schools doesn’t start again to mid January. So 4B will officially start and we’ll be enrolled in Jan as well as PACT (Peer Approach to Counseling by Teens) Club, and Art Club. Art Club is gonna be a way for the kids to have fun and be creative and do what they want….have some structured freedom. Also, I’m hoping with Art Club maybe I can find a way to use what they kids make into some sort of fundraising and also with 4B sell the fruits and vegetables as well as honey from the bee keeping and other things. Granted I still need to get the bee keeping going, but I’m working on it. So, despite kinda feeling hopeless and still feeling a bit off and not sure what in the world I’m doing or if anything I’m doing will even happen or make a difference at all….I’m doing it. I’m doing it cause I don’t know what else to do and not doing anything just isn’t an option for me…even though I do need to figure out how to take breaks. Haha It’s a weird thing to have “take a break” on a to-do list…but I’m trying. To bad I lose my to-do lists most of the time, but baby steps I guess.
At the end of the day, I can’t change the government, I can’t save all of Botswana, I may not even be able to save my whole tiny little village, but I can help the children. At the end of it all…it’s the kids and the idea that I can show them something new or help them to think that they can do or be anything they want to be…that’s what keeps me going on the days that seem to feel endless. It’s the kids and the idea of helping the future generation of Botswana that gives me the motivation to keep trying and keep working on Life Skills…
Last week, I took Standard 5 and 6 (about 11-13 years old) out of their classes and did some life skills activities with them for a few hours. One of my big challenges with the kids is to try to get them to answer personal questions or even just questions that allow them to have an opinion. In Botswana the major way of teaching is lecturing and with the lectures come definitions which are what the children learn, repeat, and memorize…soon the memorized definitions are all that the children really know how to recite and understand. So, when I ask them what their favorite school subject is or what kinds of food they like, they either look to their teachers in hopes she will give them the answers or they hesitantly answer me but its still usually in the form of the question. Its kinda like jeopardy, but a little sad. As the kids are getting more comfortable with me they are more used to me questioning them about what they think/like/feel and so on…but its still a struggle to get the kids to answer anything where they are allowed to say whatever they want. Its so weird to me…in America in the classes and day cares I taught in I could never get kids to be quiet no matter what I did, but here I can barely get the children to tell me what they think of school or the weather or anything without getting a response of. “yes,” and that’s it. Like I said, it is absolutely getting better and I love that the kids are trusting me and know that I won’t beat them for anything ever and that I want to know what they think and feel…they think I’m so weird for that actually. Haha
Anyways, I when I took the older kids from class I gave them as much time as they wanted to do 2 assignments for me. The first was that they had to draw a picture of how they see their village. The top of the paper said, “when I think of Metsibotlhoko I see…” and then they had to draw what they “see.” The second assignment was to fill out a survey that I made up the questions to. All sorts of questions about what they thought about life issues and themselves. The kids did better than I expected. I was expecting the kids to leave a lot of blanks to answers but they worked hard! I told them they could take as much time or as little time as they wanted to do these 2 things, but I wanted to them to do everything honestly, to know that no answer is ever wrong, that I would not show the teachers, and I wanted to know everything they thought for themselves and only what they thought. The kids took 3 hours on it…they worked hard and seemed to try as hard as they could, especially for it being such unfamiliar territory for them.
The pictures came out very sweet and they did a really good job! They drew pictures of traditional houses in the village, chickens, kids riding donkeys (cause they do all the time, its so funny), cars (which I don’t know where those are in the village, but that’s ok. Haha), trees, pots, food, etc… I was impressed and the drawings were so cute. The surveys were great cause they were honest and you could tell that these little kids really tried to think for themselves and answer what they could.
To give you an idea for the kids and life skills here in Bots (which I will remind you all that Life Skills only started a few years ago in Botswana, never in this school, and is still in the pilot phase for all of Bots) but these are the a few of exact questions I asked and some of the exact responses from the kids: (yes, I am even going to give you the grammar mistakes)

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: “I want to be a police man because I want to buy a nice car and I want to buy a nice food like rice, bread, and others.”
“I want to be a teacher when I grow up because I want to teacher children.”
“I want to be a nurse because I want to help my parents.”
“I want to be a doctor because I want to know the diseases that get into people body.”
“Solider”
“When I grow up I want to be a doctor when I grow up because I need money.”
“I want to be a teacher because I want the money and help my family.”

Q: What is LOVE?
A: “Love is respect each other”
“Love is when people are married at home”
“Love is when you like things or someone.”
“Love is when you love each other.”
“Love is when you like something or people.”
“Love is when you love ONE person.”
“Love is when you treat someone fairly.”
“It is when a girl and a boy married.”
“It is when living with someone with peace.”

Q: Do you know someone with HIV/AIDS? (I told them it is a yes or no question and that I don’t want names or to identify people.)
A: “yes”
“Yes!”
“no”
“yes, **** is someone that has HIV/AIDS” (**** is the name of a boy in Standard 5 that the school hadn’t already identified as a child that is infected with HIV.)

Q: List your top 3 Values and/or 3 things that are important to you… (most of the kids have no idea what “values” really mean.)
A: “cloths, food, water.”
“To education, to life, to name.”
“To keep my body clean, to live in shelter, my mother should register me I school.”
“ To help my parents weed the grass and wash dishes, to cook food, to sweep the house.”
“People, animals, bread, rice.”
“ Education, be free, be vaccinated.”
“Read, learn, write.”
“Respect, love, caring. Values are good or bad behavior.”
“ Dancing, playing, donkeys.”
“Respect, loyalty, honesty”
“Respect, honesty, compassion”

Q: How should you treat someone with HIV/AIDS?
A: “We give them medicine.”
“Equally”
“Taken to the hospital”
“HIV/AIDS is a disease that can kill a person.”
“If someone has HIV/AIDS I share food with him/her and cook food with him/her.”
“By playing with someone that has HIV/AIDS.”

Q: What is your biggest goal in life?
A: “It is to education because I want to know.”
That was the only answer I got. Every other child started to write the response but never answered it…only one child could answer that question.

Q: What food do you eat at home?
A: “bread”
“rice”
“bread and rice”

Q: what do you think abuse is?
A:” Abuse is when child has no mother. Dead. You can abuse for example no food or cloths.”
“Abuse is when you don’t share values with another person.”
“Abuse is when people abuse.”
“Abuse is when violate children by killing them.”
“Abuse is when you fight with others.”
“Abuse is when your moral is wrong.”
“Abuse is when people beat a child but not break a law.” (Corporal punishment is allowed in Botswana but there are restricts and laws about how often a child can be hit and how…but typically those rules are not followed…and apparently the kids are fully aware of that.)