"Survival Mode"

So much to say in such little time! I have one week down! I got to my sight last Sunday after dark which meant that I had to immediately figure out the whole paraffin and lamp situation…which luckily with help wasn’t too bad. My place in the dark is dim at best! HAHA It’s a bit intense and I basically curl into a corner in my room at night and sit right next to my lamp that I also think is slowly killing me from all the paraffin fumes. I spent my night reading in my dim light and then went to bed at like a raging late night of 9pm. That’s right….you know you’re jealous of my fabulous night life! My School Head told me that it wasn’t safe to go outside at night cause of the snakes and whatnot….yet that’s where my pit latrine is…so that’s always fun. Go figure that one. Anyways, my pit latrine is really what will make everyone of you so happy to be wherever you are right now, you’re not me! Its like a port-a-potty, but not. There are some not bad pit latrines that I have seen and some that I would even consider just a toilet outside…which I’m cool with….I’m a pretty cheap date these days! Its take very little to impress me or make me happy…very little! Anyways, my pit latrine however, is a big cement block with a tiny cement square cut out. Literally! I have never been officially camping in my entire life cause I never thought it seemed fun to live outside for fun, but I feel as if I were to go camping now I would just think it was a trip for pansy’s. HAHA I am going to brag for a minute and say that I am damn proud of myself when it comes to what this week has been and that I’m still here and somehow laughing and smiling! Its utterly insane! I still can’t even comprehend what is going on!
I have spent my week at the school feeling pretty useless cause I don’t have anything to do right now and don’t really know many people or for that matter have anywhere to go. I just sit there right now and read Life Skills books while charging my phone cause the school survives on solar power so that’s how I charge anything. I have been setting my little house up, that I was learning to love up until a few hours ago when I found 3 lizards in my kitchen….I’m sure I’m be learning to love it soon again, but I’m still a little freaked and so I’m taking a few hours off from all the “love” right now. I put up pictures of friend and family that I brought from home and surrounded my house with them so that makes it a bit homier. Already so much has changed with relationships/friendships from home. Its so hard though loosing some friends...I mean, I have to deal now cause I'm in it, but part of me just wishes it weren't true and some how it can all just go back to the way it was. I don't know. Denial I guess. I can't even believe how drastically different my life is. Some people I don't even know if we are friends anymore and even with friends that I thought I'd always have...and some are making more effort then I ever thought they would. I have cried basically once a day since I have been here, not because I don’t like it, but just because everything is so overwhelming that it then becomes so exhausting to then I cry. HAHA Its crazy! Everything I do is brand new! Washing the dishes isn’t just going to the sink and washing to the dishes! It’s not taking several buckets, going outside to fill the buckets full of water, then going back inside to wash them in one bucket, rinse them in another, then dry them, and collect all the water and dump all the water outside. Bathing is basically the same kind of process. Everything I do now is a process! I can’t just “do” anything anymore. I have to think it through and plan it out and then I can do it. Its utterly exhausting!!!! It gets dark here like 6pm now cause its Winter so I have to do anything I need to do before then so that I don’t have to be lion food or bitten by a snake or even have one of my neighbors say hello to me in the pitch black which basically gives me a heart attack. HAHA
I am however becoming the Botswana Martha Stewart…or so I have declared myself the title. I cook everything from scratch now, I have to! I don’t have a store to get food from and after finding out that the combies never come to my village much then I really don’t have a way to get anywhere in less my School Head is going somewhere and I can catch a ride. She’s nice like that! Thankfully. BUT it still leaves me with very little options. Once again, more planning! Constant planning. Anyways, So I cook all the time cause I get bored really easily so I’m learning to make random things! BUT I make diphaphata now 
which is a traditional Botswana bread. My school head, Susan and the Deputy school head ate some of the diphaphata I made and were shocked that I did it. They both have lived in Bots their whole lives and they don’t know how to make it. I love it. Boredom will force you to learn anything. I have never made bread by hand on my life…but I do now. I made pizza from scratch last weekend for my host family and I was amazed at how completely pizza like it actually tasted. I figured it all of out and made every part of it and it was good! It was actually good! I was shocked! HAHA So, I cook all the time and am learning to cook anything I can just cause it gives me something to do.
I make paper beads now too. Its something that I think a lot of countries in Africa do, but I know at least Bots and South Africa do where you make paper beads out of magazine paper. It takes time and therefore I do it. I laugh at myself a lot cause I’ll think about how like 3 months ago I was sitting at home watching TV and ordering pizza….now I sit in my dim, non-electric house, with no running water, wash my cloths in buckets in my kitchen while making paper beads and watching my diphaphata rise…it’s beyond surreal! HAHA I’m a little Botswana home maker now. HAHA Oh wow…
This has been the hardest week ever! I can't even understand what is happening and I'm defiantly having moments of wondering if I can do this. I miss people so much and am going through so much, I can't even really explain it to people...which is the hardest part for me to deal with. BUT I do have to say to the family and friends that have been emailing me, just checking in even to listening to my rants and really have been there for me during all of this...you all are irreplaceable to me and I would not have gotten this far without that support. You learn quickly here how incredible having support really is and how needed it is for me right now. Thank you so much! I can't even begin to explain.