Let's talk about sex...(giggle...giggle)

A few weekends ago I was coming home from having been with friends and one of the STD 7 girls screamed my name from down the road as I was stepping out off the back of the truck that gave me a hitch to my village. She told me she needed to talk to me and ask me questions about something serious. Now, I’m not a parent but I had one of those heart stopping flinches that I imagine parents get when their children say things like that…my mind immediately went to, “oh my lord, she’s pregnant!” well, I wasn’t right, thank god, but not far off. She started to ask me in her broken, but really very good English, “if a boy and girl that have both hit puberty have sex, can they have a baby?” Her and I talked about it and I said yes and she continued to tell me that the two that are having sex are not in this village but are 13…I was horrified. I mean, I know this happens and I know that as taboo as sex is in this culture, children are sexualized very young. I mean, in reality there are 13 yr olds in America and all over the world having sex…its not just here. BUT me and my over protective mother feeling for the kids in the village was horrified!! So we talked about it some more and I tried to explain as simply as I could in the hopes that she will tell her friend that is having sex and is her age the information…cause really if the girl isn’t in the village, that’s all I can do…give my kids the info and hope they relay the correct info back to their friends.
The next day though the STD 7 teacher wasn’t in school cause she was doing grant/bank stuff with the school head so I did the protocol and texted/sms her if I could take her class for a bit to talk very frankly with her students about sex that day while she was gone..she replied, “of course honey…and better you than me :)” haha So, in the past and over the last year I have spoken with the kids here about sex and condoms and all those things that make you uncomfortable and giggle when you’re 13, but never have I ever had a full blown sex discussion with teenagers! Never! So, needless to say I was actually a little nervous about doing it just because I kept thinking what is ok to say? What are they too young to hear? Is it ok for me to even be doing this? Are the parents in the village going to show up at my house tonight with torches chasing me out of the village? I considered all those options and then realized that my job here for primarily for HIV/AIDS Prevention and this is a huge part of doing that job! Sex is Taboo here so I’m the one to talk to them freely and openly and I kept thinking about those two 13 year olds that are under the impression that if you aren’t in puberty yet, they won’t have a baby. It obvious that sex is happening here and at a young age…so as much I think they are too young to be hearing all about this now…they clearly aren’t and need to be safe. So, I jumped in and we talked!
We ended up having a 2 hour talk with just the STD 7 class which is only 8 kids, but the oldest in the school (13-16) and myself only! We closed the door because they didn’t feel comfortable having the other teachers hear their questions, which I understood. It was so great though. They were all so free and asked extremely personal questions!! I gave them a condom demonstration of how to properly do it, we talked about knowing when you’re ready to have sex, how to say no, when to say no, what to do if the person you want to have sex with says no, love, dating, relationships, respect, HIV/AIDS, STI’s, birth control, etc... The kids asked so many questions about a bunch of cultural myths about sex, pregnancy, and more that in America we would just laugh and think that’s insane, but people really think a lot of those myths are true and they should in a way if they have never been educated otherwise…how would they know its just a myth?!?! BUT the kids know now and I feel like I shouldn’t say what the kids questions were in this public forum, but oh my lord…kids really do say the craziest things!!!!!! HAHAAHA It was HILARIOUS!!!! They even laughed at one another for asking a few of the questions…but it really was so great that they asked such personal questions! I had no idea they would or even had that many questions. It was an eye opener for me too.
What was also an amazing thing about it all was that even though it was a small class, we did it all together, the boys and the girls. In the class are 6 boys and 2 girls…but they all asked questions about how the other gender felt in certain situations and how to respect and deal with the opposite sex and talked about it together. Rape came up many times in the talk because sadly it is very prevalent. It was a hard topic to cover. The girls especially kept asking me about how to protect yourself from rape and ways/methods they had heard of from their friends to protect themselves, which people do and which I had to sadly tell them those methods are actually hurting the situation more than helping which I hated case I could tell that really saddened the girls. BUT we talked about it and it was hard cause I’m lucky and its not a world I grew up in where rape was so prevalent so in the beginning I kept saying things like, “well, stand up for yourself. Say no! Talk with your boyfriend/girlfriend…” and realizing that those aren’t most people’s options! That’s not what rape is! You don’t have a choice in rape! Its awful! So, I ended up realizing what I was saying and how that wasn’t answering the questions that they needed an answer to…sadly, I didn’t have the answer they wanted. I couldn’t tell them how to stop rape! We talked about learning about beginning signs of a bad relationship, how to protect yourself, standing up for yourself, etc…those things absolutely need to be taught, but in the end I did have to say to them, “if you’re in a position that you truly can’t get out of and you are being forced to have sex, then do everything you can to get the other person to wear a condom.” It was horrible. I felt sick to my stomach having to say that and I debated even after I said it if that was right…in a way it felt like I was telling them to just give in…but I had to think of the reality. The reality is that rape happens. In Botswana to this day a husband forcing himself on his wife isn’t illegal. So for me to pretend like rape doesn’t happen or that everyone has options and there are things everyone can do to stop it is naive of me. So, as weird and uncomfortable as I felt to say that to the girls, I felt it was necessary.
I’m an expert by any means about any of this but I felt that that was one of those “do what feels right” moments and that what I felt I needed to say. Overall, it was a great talk. I told the teachers later a little about our talk and they all seemed very pleased that I did it. They kept saying that they know the kids need to know these but as teachers they themselves are embarrassed to talk about it with the children because they all came from the same culture so its jus as taboo and uncomfortable for them as the kids are shocked to hear it. So they were very happy I did it…but it seemed to inspire them a bit too which I didn’t see coming but was a really big highlight in my last year in here! The next day, we had PACT Club, I asked the two teachers what they wanted to teach the kids about and they said we should talk about what I spoke with the STD 7’s about with all of the Club which is STD 5-7 in my school. I was surprised but jumped at the idea of it. So, we had PACT and one of the teachers just instigated and lead the entire session. I never said a word. I walked around a took pictures for the grant of the club happening while 3 of the teachers lead an entire and extremely frank discussion with the kids about sex, masturbation, wet dreams, puberty, sex, etc…I’ve never seen or heard the teachers be this open and just go for it. It was amazing. It was one of those wonderful Africa moments for me, where through all the frustration of the last year felt worth it just then. There was a PTA meeting going on in the dinning hall, so we took the kids outside and did our PACT meeting outside in a circle on the lawn of the school at dusk which turned to sunset. It was beautiful. To have all the kids asking personal questions of the teachers and the teachers answering was just fantastic. It was a really good moment that helps me remember what I’m fighting for. So many moments I’ve had over the last year of breakdowns, crying, anger, frustration, and feeling like I’m accomplishing nothing…but then out of nowhere a moment or two kick in and I feel like I get it! Like I can remember why I’m here and what I’m fighting for…for me, that was one of those moments!
My Bots 8 groups had MST (Mid-Service Training) last week where we did three days of training and then two days of medical appointments to prove to DC we’re alive and doing alright (even though we were all sick at our appointments, some flu is going around, which by the way my whole village keeps teasing me I have Swine Flu). It was good to have all 50 something of our group back together in one place to hang out and catch up, cause really that’s why we go! It was also a bit of a celebration for the fact that our group is half way through…15 months down and 11 to go! I’m on the downward slope of my Peace Corps Service…I never thought I’d get here. It felt like forever. I was telling people I’ll be here for two years and now it really feels good to say just another year…not even a year! I love this place in so many ways and oh my lord the huge breakdown I’ll have when I actually leave, but I’m ready to move on. Two years in a long time with no electricity, sharing my water source with the village outside, a pit latrine, showering rarely…and I mean rarely, hand washing, my neighbors not understanding a word I say and Vice Versa…two years is a lot. Haha BUT it’s a good lot!

This is the MTV website for my grant/PACT Club that is open for the world to view. Not much is there now, but they continue to add more photos and whatnot as the grant continues for partners in the grant, possible donors, and anyone that wants to know anything:

http://www.stayingaliveconnected.org/pg/groups/usergroup/1624